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Relationships

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Original poster

How soon is too soon?

59 replies

Annie35 · 02/07/2023 12:07

Looking for some opinions here. Was out with friends last night and one of my friends has just had the “where do you see this going?” chat with her boyfriend of 1 year. She said they agreed to wait at least 5 years before getting engaged, as anything below that was too soon. Most of my friends seemed to agree which is what’s confusing

For background: I met DH in December 2018. We were dating by March 2019, and living together by April 2020. We got engaged in February 2021, and were married in November 2021. All in all, we were together for 2 years, 10 months before we married.

According to my friends, they all thought it was too soon, which I laughed off, but this morning it seems to be hanging over me. Did I get married too soon? DH doesn’t think so.

We’re all in our early to mid 30s

OP posts:

Wherethewildthymeblows · 26/08/2023 15:33

I think you're right and they are wrong. I met my dh in my 20s and couldn't say for sure when I knew I wanted to marry him but certainly within 4 months! 😮We actually married when we had known each other 4 years but that was entirely down to dh needing a bit more time than me to establish his career as he knew I would want children straightaway. I agree with you that 'when you know, you know'.

I cannot imagine setting out on a relationship and defining a minimum 5 year gap before considering marriage. I mean, fine if that is what you want, but no way is that some sort of standard or norm.

I guess this is going to mark me out as old fashioned but if you want children and haven't had any prior to marriage, and you are in your 30s, that might be even more of a reason to move things along a bit.

WantingToEducate · 26/08/2023 15:58

People all move at different speeds and there is no right or wrong ….. it’s only with hindsight can people ever think that maybe they moved too fast…

Your friend who wants a 2 year engagement…..what’s that about? Who needs a specified amount of engagement time? Madness. And her casual “age won’t affect” comment when she’s trying to conceive at 38 may come back to bite her in the bum!

I met my now DH when I was just under 27 and we moved in together about 4 months later. We got engaged a year after we moved in together and then got married 5 months after that. We then got pregnant with our first child about two months after we married.

So I’m just under four years of meeting each other we were married and had a child…..which I thought was pretty normal?

MNetcurtains · 26/08/2023 16:56

Met future DH in the November, didn't really get together until the following February and then we were married by May of the same year. That was 41 years ago. Still together. There is no right or wrong amount of time. If it's right it's right.

Goldencup · 26/08/2023 17:08

DH moved into my student flat after 6 weeks. That's was 25 years ago, 2 kids, many mortgages and a rabbit later we are still good.

Devonshirelass · 26/08/2023 17:13

Annie35 · 02/07/2023 12:14

Nothing at all. He’s amazing, and from day dot, he was just everything I had been looking for. Just before we got together, I’d had a horrific day (family member ill) and he drove to my house, cooked dinner and just held me while I cried. No attempts at funny business, he was just there as my friend.

4 years on and it’s the same - except now with funny business 😂😂😂

He sounds absolutely lovely.

Why are you even thinking about this?!

Mimmy352 · 05/09/2023 13:38

I know this is an old thread but my parents got engaged after 3 weeks, married after 3 years. They’ve just celebrated 34 years together

PinkRoses1245 · 05/09/2023 13:58

It’s strange they have an arbitrary amount of years in mind. There’s no right or wrong. If you and DH are happy - good for you. We got married after 10 years - also not right or wrong, it was right for us .

AuntieStella · 05/09/2023 14:05

I think "when you know, you know" is a perfect response.

I am also cynical enough to think at least one (if not both) of the "wait 5 years" couple doesn't really want to marry their partner at all. I hope it's the woman with doubts, because otherwise she's spending nearly all of her 30s on a faked future

It's fine to say, in your early mid 20s that you're not going to marry until your 30s, but the realities of the biological clock make it a bit different if the plan takes you to late 30s

Oysterbabe · 05/09/2023 14:06

We met and were married in under 2 years. We were on a slightly accelerated timetable due to age and desire for children, which is common once you hit 30.

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