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Original poster

Should I believe him?

32 replies

K18 · 02/07/2023 06:13

I have been seeing this guy for 5 months and recently he has been acting distant.
I’ve called him out on it and we had a huge discussion where I said I’m finding it damaging to my confidence and it makes me feel anxious. Also that I don’t really want to continue unless I get the investment I deserve.
His response was that he feels a bit depressed as he has a lot going on (he does as he is getting divorce etc) he said that he isn’t seeing anyone else, he sometimes thinks I’m too good for him and that he wants me to reach out first when we are apart. He says he thinks about me all the time and really wants to see where it goes, yet I wonder why not just reach out then? He leaves my text unanswered for a days? And I have made my feelings clear.
So, I still feel like it’s still a problem? Either he’s very insecure which I understand or he’s a complete player.
He’s really attractive yet he says he doesn’t see himself that way, my history with men SUCKS so maybe I am just projecting my poor experiences but I struggle to shake the feeling.
Thanks for reading ❤️

OP posts:
Newnamehiwhodis · 02/07/2023 06:25

No … sorry .. I would say yes and give it time, except that “he’s getting divorced.”

he is not even divorced yet- never date someone until they’ve been done with that shit for a while. I’m sorry, but it’s too messy and you deserve better.

Fiddlesticks82 · 02/07/2023 06:28

Who wants “huge discussions” about one person being distant and then other feeling blue after 5 months?!

Not me.

Susieb2023 · 02/07/2023 06:30

This sounds WAY too hard, WAY too soon. I have no time for game playing, at five months he’s either in or out. And yep in process of divorce too, I’d cut my losses and end this.

Fiddlesticks82 · 02/07/2023 06:33

Op you have started multiple threads on this relationship.

It’s not working. 🤷‍♀️

MissChanandlerB0NG · 02/07/2023 06:46

It doesn't sound like it's working, OP.

At 5 months it should be a lot easier than this. I wouldn't continue at the moment, too much going on.

BackAgainstWall · 02/07/2023 07:05

You’re very obviously not a priority to him.

It’s never good to get involved with someone who’s still technically married.

DollyDaydream92 · 02/07/2023 07:26

Run would be my advice. Usually when men say they have a lot going on as an excuse to not give you the treatment you deserve, things won’t get better. Speak form experience as I’ve just had the exact same thing after the exact same time, five months. He even used the line ‘a lot going on’ not to alarm you but that stuff going on turned out to be him getting back with an ex. And they weren’t married. After five months you know how you feel. I’m accepting the fact it was lust for me as lust can only last around four months. Cut your losses and find someone who’s sure, that’s my plan. Not to say i aren’t missing him.

MrsRickAstley · 02/07/2023 07:27

I'd believe him.

But you've established you're not quite on the same page. He does have too much going on to fully commit.

I'd split. It's only been 5 months. Way too soon to be having big talks. Time to move on.

BlastedPimples · 02/07/2023 07:28

He's not into you.

Not sure what else you need to make that clear.

DelphiniumBlue · 02/07/2023 07:49

If a man tells you that you are too good for him, he is right. I've never known of a situation where a man has said this and turned out to be a good 'un.

YoSof · 02/07/2023 07:51

DelphiniumBlue · 02/07/2023 07:49

If a man tells you that you are too good for him, he is right. I've never known of a situation where a man has said this and turned out to be a good 'un.

THIS!!

If he says you’re too good for him it usually means he is well aware that he is a piece of shit who will treat you like shit. He is warning you, listen to him.

Sitting around waiting for you to reach out? Game playing.

Too many red flags, end it.

Original poster
K18 · 02/07/2023 08:02

Thanks for your messages
Your responses are making me realise he has churned out all the classic lines!
it’s a shame we have known each other for about 12 years so it’s not that new. ( sorry I should have clarified) and this was a very recent conversation.
I am always trying to be optimistic and I am generally too empathetic which is why I think I end up getting taking advantage of. I will struggle to let him go but maybe it is for the best.

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 02/07/2023 08:02

Him being distant and saying he's a bit depressed and has a lot going on (regardless of what that is) is his way of saying he wants to break up but is too much of a coward to be the one to end it.

That cowardice is protection of his reputation, not your feelings. He doesn't want to look like The Bad Guy for ending a relationship.

Fiddlesticks82 · 02/07/2023 08:15

K18 · 02/07/2023 08:02

Thanks for your messages
Your responses are making me realise he has churned out all the classic lines!
it’s a shame we have known each other for about 12 years so it’s not that new. ( sorry I should have clarified) and this was a very recent conversation.
I am always trying to be optimistic and I am generally too empathetic which is why I think I end up getting taking advantage of. I will struggle to let him go but maybe it is for the best.

To be honest OP - it doesn’t sound like you will be letting him go. He’s trying to phase you out but doesn’t ah e the spine to be honest about it. I suspect if you don’t message him, he won’t message you - and that will be the end of it

Original poster
K18 · 02/07/2023 08:18

I have tried not messaging in fact I’ve stopped initiating at all and he always gets in contact and wants to meet up

OP posts:
supercali77 · 02/07/2023 08:18

'You're too good for me' - people say that when they know they're being a shit.

'I wish you'd reach out' - when he's ignoring your texts for days. It's nonsense. complete nonsense

Its only 5 months, I know you like him but do yourself a massive favour and end it.

Fiddlesticks82 · 02/07/2023 08:19

K18 · 02/07/2023 08:18

I have tried not messaging in fact I’ve stopped initiating at all and he always gets in contact and wants to meet up

Let me guess

For sex?

Original poster
K18 · 02/07/2023 08:22

Actually no we merry and chat. Have a kiss that’s it

OP posts:
Original poster
K18 · 02/07/2023 08:23

Sorry meet not merry 😂

OP posts:
supercali77 · 02/07/2023 08:32

After your update the picture makes less sense

Hes being distant, but also you have stopped initiating completely. He always gets in touch eventually. He's complained he'd like you to initiate more. But also he leaves you on read for days.

Take what he's doing out of the equation, what are you doing? You've not stopped initiating because you don't care or you're just too busy I assume. What's the purpose of it except game playing?

pictoosh · 02/07/2023 08:34

“I will struggle to let him go but maybe it is for the best.”

Translation: I know he’s a waste of time but I’m going to keep on with him anyway, in the hope that he’ll fall hopelessly in love with me and treat me better.

He isn’t and he won’t. He doesn’t think about you all the time. He’s got you running when he can be bothered with you.
Actions not words. Pay attention.

Rainbowqueeen · 02/07/2023 08:35

This guy will never make you happy OP. And he has no business dating until his divorce is final.

Just block delete and move on.

Original poster
K18 · 02/07/2023 08:36

I’m not playing games as I have been very honest about how I feel about him but I’ve found his behaviour has changed, so I backed off for self preservation to be honest.
I’ve recently come out of a very abusive relationship so I’m a little damaged

OP posts:
Fiddlesticks82 · 02/07/2023 08:37

So he doesn’t message for days

Then says let’s meet.

you have a chat and a kiss.

OP - I don’t know what to make of this but it sure as heck doesn’t sound very satisfying or happy for anyone

Fiddlesticks82 · 02/07/2023 08:37

K18 · 02/07/2023 08:36

I’m not playing games as I have been very honest about how I feel about him but I’ve found his behaviour has changed, so I backed off for self preservation to be honest.
I’ve recently come out of a very abusive relationship so I’m a little damaged

A little damaged

and very vulnerable

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