Should I believe him?

[K18]

I have been seeing this guy for 5 months and recently he has been acting distant.
I’ve called him out on it and we had a huge discussion where I said I’m finding it damaging to my confidence and it makes me feel anxious. Also that I don’t really want to continue unless I get the investment I deserve.
His response was that he feels a bit depressed as he has a lot going on (he does as he is getting divorce etc) he said that he isn’t seeing anyone else, he sometimes thinks I’m too good for him and that he wants me to reach out first when we are apart. He says he thinks about me all the time and really wants to see where it goes, yet I wonder why not just reach out then? He leaves my text unanswered for a days? And I have made my feelings clear.
So, I still feel like it’s still a problem? Either he’s very insecure which I understand or he’s a complete player.
He’s really attractive yet he says he doesn’t see himself that way, my history with men SUCKS so maybe I am just projecting my poor experiences but I struggle to shake the feeling.
Thanks for reading ❤️

He's going through a divorce.

You e recently come out of an abusive relationship.

Maybe neither of you should actually be in a new relationship already?

Maybe you should take a step back and be single for a while, perhaps counselling is in order given the abusive relationship.

He's being rather contradictory, his actions don't match his words. That's not usually a good sign for a successful relationship.

You can always get back into a relationship in the future, if you're all that great a match and well suited and both really care; it's likely to happen.

If you worry he'll just move in to someone else, it kinda shows that he's not all that until you.

He does seem to be rolling out all the old lines. And getting in touch eventually when you stop initiating is just a sign, in my experience, of being a bit bored or lonely or yanking the fishing line to see if you're still on the hook. I've had men do it to me (keep getting back in contact if I dropped it) and they weren't actually interested in a real relationship. It was just someone to talk to etc.

You have known him for 12 years? You must be friendly with his wife too? Know what he was like as a partner to someone else?

So he's a very attractive man who's struggling with his divorce and not bothering to even read your messages and blames you for not contacting him more? Nah I would swerve this one.

'Backing off for self preservation'

Backing off is not just stopping initiating though. Its...Not meeting unless you're more sure he's invested. Or, saying you want to leave it till his divorce is final etc. It's actually backing away because it doesn't feel right. If you're still meeting him when he texts and kissing and getting your hopes up...you're still investing. So not initiating alone does nothing much to preserve you.

There's a great book called Mr unavailable and the fallback girl. You can get it on ebook. It's worth a read, and you can probably get through it in a day. I spent about a year doing this with unavailable men after coming out of a long bad relationship. I worried over why they wouldn't invest. The reality was, I probably chose them for precisely this reason. Once I started to get over the long term break up I stopped doing that. Could spot them a mile off and avoided. Life is too short to get what you don't want.

Tell him that you completely understand what he's going through and that you realise that with the added pressures of the divorce, the demands of your relationship is going to be too much to reasonably impose upon him.

If he doesn't take the hint, tell him to fuck off and not come back until his decree absolute has dry ink. You had tried to be polite and gentle.

They never get divorced so you should be home and dry. Have a good cry. Dry your eyes and get on with your life.