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Original poster

Am I over thinking this?

35 replies

goingcrazy142904 · 01/07/2023 22:46

I've been with my current partner a approximately 4 years, we both have children from previous relationships so don't live together. However we've all met and spend time together etc.
I leave a small amount of stuff at his house - pjs and a spare set of underwear, make up remover etc and I have my own drawer by my side of the bed the bed. Today his daughter asked me to paint her nails so I went to the drawer to find it empty. I asked where my stuff was and he said it was under the bed in a drawer. When I asked why he said because his daughter had commented on my knickers being there. I asked why he moved them as she clearly knows about me and knows they were mine and has seen them before as she's mentioned it in jest. And if that was the reason why did he move everything. Couldn't really give me a straight answer other than he's only moved it a foot so I haven't pushed it but the more k think about it for more I think he could have moved it for another reason I.e if he was cheating on me and didn't want the other person to see it?
He works shifts as he's emergency services and I know he's either been at work, with me or with the kids every night for as long as I can remember but he would have opportunity through the day when I'm at work and he's off or on nights and the kids are at school. Am I being ridiculous? Please tell me if I am, I just got a bit of a bad feeling about this but might be me being ridiculous

OP posts:
miniegg3 · 01/07/2023 22:54

It sounds suspicious to me

Original poster
goingcrazy142904 · 01/07/2023 22:58

Thank you, the thing is the more I think about it I just don't know when he would get the chance. He certainly wouldn't on a night because I know his shifts and he usually FaceTimes me on nights from work so there is no disputing he's there. When he has the kids then facetime me every night without fail and any other evening he's with me.
Through the day if he's off we'll speak at lunch time and then he'll do the school run. I'm totally confused

OP posts:
scrantonelectriccity · 01/07/2023 23:04

Yeah that's really dodgy!

massiveclamps · 01/07/2023 23:04

How old is his daughter?

Original poster
goingcrazy142904 · 01/07/2023 23:12

She's 8. Sometimes she'll get it in to his bed and sleep at that side in a morning so she does go in the drawers but she's been seeing them there for months if not years so I can't get my head round them suddenly being moved.
I was there Monday and I can't recall if I went in the drawer but before that I'm not sure when I last stayed as I think he's mainly been at mine or I've been at his but not stayed as he has the kids

OP posts:
Grendell · 01/07/2023 23:24

Maybe it just got awkward with his daughter now 8, closer to puberty, and having to admit his girlfriend's underwear is in his drawer next to his bed and sex is happening.

Original poster
goingcrazy142904 · 01/07/2023 23:27

But why move all of my stuff and not just the underwear? And I could understand if it was lingerie or something seductive but it was just normal bra and knickers

OP posts:
AnneKipankitoo · 01/07/2023 23:30

Odd.

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/07/2023 23:31

I would feel exactly the same. I can't think of a reason why he wouldn't leave them there. It's not as if they are sex toys! Presumably his daughter knows you stay there and knows you wear underwear.

jellyminelli · 01/07/2023 23:33

"He works shifts as he's emergency services and I know he's either been at work, with me or with the kids every night for as long as I can remember but he would have opportunity through the day when I'm at work and he's off or on nights and the kids are at school."

He's got the opportunity and he's taking it. Sneaky fucker. Absolutely no way has a bloke emptied out your bedside drawer because his daughter said "knickers"

Original poster
goingcrazy142904 · 01/07/2023 23:41

Thank you everyone.
That's my thoughts exactly.
But then I think the type of woman who'd be going round through the day and ending up in bed probably isn't going to be going through the drawers?
There's absolutely no way it can be happening on a night so the windows are after the school run and before lunch or after lunch and before the school run? Literally would be a 'quickie' and sex only so why would they care or look in the drawer

OP posts:
Original poster
goingcrazy142904 · 01/07/2023 23:43

And yes she knows I stay there, I stay when she's there. and like I say has seen my knickers before and made a comment and I always just joke oh they're not mine daddy wears them.

OP posts:
sausage767 · 01/07/2023 23:46

Emergency services as in a paramedic? They’re notorious for affairs with coworkers. Like cops.

LadyLolaRuben · 01/07/2023 23:47

His daughter wears knickers too so its not like its something she's not familiar with. Why move everything and not just the knickers? Yes I'd be concerned too, I'm sorry OP I think he's been up to no good

Original poster
goingcrazy142904 · 01/07/2023 23:51

He's not a paramedic.
I'm suspicious too, I've come home tonight as i had my daughter there and his were there too and when I asked him he told me he couldn't believe I was making such a big deal about moving my belongings a foot. I wanted to push it but didn't as the children were in the other room.
There is no way he's going to admit to anything so I need to box clever and try and catch him out. Any suggestions would be welcome

OP posts:
MrsO3 · 01/07/2023 23:53

@goingcrazy142904 how did he seem when you questioned him? Defensive? Agitated? Quick to change the subject? It does seem very odd tbh. If you have a strong suspicion something is going on could you try to 'catch him out? As in, turn up at his unexpectedly? Do you have a key to his?

SunflowerTed · 01/07/2023 23:54

You should end it anyway as there is absolutely no trust and you have no faith In him

Original poster
goingcrazy142904 · 02/07/2023 00:01

I asked him and he said his daughter had made comments about my knickers being there so he moved them. I said well she's mentioned them before and you never moved them then so why now and he said oh I just did.
Then I pushed it again and he responded that he only moved them a foot and couldn't believe I was making such a deal out of it and walked in to the kitchen. He was clearly annoyed with me cos he went and sat with the dog on the floor after that.
I really couldn't be bothered to push it further with the kids about so told my daughter we going and said my goodbyes and left.
I'm looking after his daughter tomorrow whilst he does something with his son so I'll have to see him then.

Yes i have a key to his house but I'll struggle to get away from work and get to his plus he'd see me on the ring doorbell.

OP posts:
YupIKnow · 02/07/2023 00:08

sausage767 · 01/07/2023 23:46

Emergency services as in a paramedic? They’re notorious for affairs with coworkers. Like cops.

and firemen !

Natty13 · 02/07/2023 00:13

goingcrazy142904 · 01/07/2023 23:41

Thank you everyone.
That's my thoughts exactly.
But then I think the type of woman who'd be going round through the day and ending up in bed probably isn't going to be going through the drawers?
There's absolutely no way it can be happening on a night so the windows are after the school run and before lunch or after lunch and before the school run? Literally would be a 'quickie' and sex only so why would they care or look in the drawer

Any many years ago I had sex with a shift worker at his house in the daytime and took the wrong door looking for the bathroom and in the split second saw a room with a clothes hanger which had bras a d other women's clothing on it. There were other signs but that was the one which clocked he had a gf. We had been seeing each other a while, we'd had sex at my house mainly and this was my second time at his. I was a naive young woman and to this day I'm ashamed I participated in his affair. It's very possible.

Original poster
goingcrazy142904 · 02/07/2023 00:22

I get it could happen through the day time but this would be the only time it could ever happen - like through the day. When he's off work through the day I'll ring him or FaceTime him on my lunch break which varies every day as I can take it whenever and he's always available and is never rushing me off the phone. So it's not like he could even enjoy 'day dates' with someone.
His kids insist on face timing me every night they are with him, the nights he's at work he'll FaceTime from his office so he's definitely there and then he's with me either at mine if I have my daughter or at his.
If we spent nights apart I'd say it was completely plausible but we don't

OP posts:
Justleaveitblankthen · 02/07/2023 00:32

What's his relationship with his ex wife like? Any possibility it's her?
I have known of several divorces men who still sleep occasionally with the Ex.

On second thoughts, she will know all about you anyway, so no need to hide stuff..

But also no need to hide stuff for illicit daytime encounters with anyone else either 🤔

Original poster
goingcrazy142904 · 02/07/2023 00:36

Definitely not the ex wife, they can't stand one another and she doesn't even come to his house even for handovers of the children they meet somewhere neutral.

OP posts:
Original poster
goingcrazy142904 · 02/07/2023 00:38

There's no way he can be having a full blown affair it's just not possible and would you move stuff out of a drawer for basically a shag through the day cos you wouldn't expect anyone to go in a bedside drawer would you?

OP posts:
StartupRepair · 02/07/2023 00:40

I think you are overthinking. I can imagine him suddenly getting uncomfortable as his daughter rummaged in your things and popping them out of reach. I'd believe him, absent any other indicators.