Am I over thinking this?

[goingcrazy142904]

I've been with my current partner a approximately 4 years, we both have children from previous relationships so don't live together. However we've all met and spend time together etc.
I leave a small amount of stuff at his house - pjs and a spare set of underwear, make up remover etc and I have my own drawer by my side of the bed the bed. Today his daughter asked me to paint her nails so I went to the drawer to find it empty. I asked where my stuff was and he said it was under the bed in a drawer. When I asked why he said because his daughter had commented on my knickers being there. I asked why he moved them as she clearly knows about me and knows they were mine and has seen them before as she's mentioned it in jest. And if that was the reason why did he move everything. Couldn't really give me a straight answer other than he's only moved it a foot so I haven't pushed it but the more k think about it for more I think he could have moved it for another reason I.e if he was cheating on me and didn't want the other person to see it?
He works shifts as he's emergency services and I know he's either been at work, with me or with the kids every night for as long as I can remember but he would have opportunity through the day when I'm at work and he's off or on nights and the kids are at school. Am I being ridiculous? Please tell me if I am, I just got a bit of a bad feeling about this but might be me being ridiculous

I’m also in a dating / semi blended family situation with an emergency worker. Our diaries are more complicated than a NASA launch sequence. Are you me? 🤔

I think you are overthinking tbh. I can totally imagine his daughter saying something and him getting a bit embarrassed and just tipping the whole drawer into a box… if the relationship is good I’d just leave it for now and see.

Yes @Shutuptrevor it is very complicated!! Before the children met it was a nightmare!! But things are easier now, especially on weekends off when we can all just stay at one of our houses.
How long have you been seeing your partner? X

There is no way he's going to admit to anything so I need to box clever and try and catch him out. Any suggestions would be welcome

My suggestion is to leave anybody if you feel you need to 'catch them out'. You don't trust him. It's over. There's no happy ending in a relationship without trust, and if you spend any time at all trying to 'catch him out', it's time wasted that you could be using to do something beneficial for yourself.

@goingcrazy142904 only a year. We are slowly introducing kids and you’re right, that has made everything much easier. They actually all get on really well so far but we’re not rushing anything on that front. My diary is just a nightmare though, it’s not for the fainthearted is it!

How are you feeling now?

If it is an affair, I would say she is unaware he has a gf if hes hiding, sorry moving, your belongings. And with the fact he works nights, he could be feeding her the line about only having time in the day when kids are at school as he either works nights or has the dc and he doesn't want them to meet her yet. They do come up with all sorts of excuses/reasons when they want to.

However, it could also just be he moved your stuff because his daughter had some issue with your knickers.

Me, I'd move the stuff back, at 8 his dd is quite capable of being told, this is goincrazy's drawer for when she stays here and you're not to go in it. Its one drawer in the whole house, hardly unreasonable to tell her its not to be used by her.

I'd also leave a few more things there. Stuff in the bathroom, just little bits like a pair of earrings on the bedside table. You are in a fully long term established relationship, so its normal for you both to have stuff at each others houses. And see if they all get moved too.

This is exactly what happened to me. Coincidentally with a police officer too. He’s having an affair sorry. No way did his daughter pick up on knickers in a drawer. You definitely arent overthinking. I wouldn’t trust him with a barge pole.

I think it’s weird.

8 yo boys or girls are used to seeing underwear - it’s on the washing line most of the summer?!

Thanks for your comments. She definitely has picked up on my knickers being there as she laughs and jokes with me about them with me.

Regardless he moved them for a reason, now he is still adamant its because she kept asking about them and he was becoming embarrassed.

I have other stuff in the house, bathroom etc but he could quite easily pass some of it off as his daughters.

I'm going to leave some more bits around and see if I noticed anything moves.

I have no other reasons to believe he is cheating and if I wanted to I have his password for his phone etc I just feel like checking his messages would be crossing and boundary and to be honest probably wouldn't see a way back from that.

Hopefully it's nothing and I'm over thinking x

“I think you are overthinking. I can imagine him suddenly getting uncomfortable as his daughter rummaged in your things and popping them out of reach. I'd believe him, absent any other indicators.”

This.

Listen to your gut.

I am not a suspicious woman and I generally do not reply to these threads.

However, he 100% needed to hide your stuff from someone.

He couldn't answer because he had forgotten to put them back and was genuinely stumped to explain this.

I wouldn't kill yourself trying to catch him out, but take it as a given he needed to hide your presence quickly and did.

I'm very sorry but he is not who you think he is.

Your gut is warning you of that.