Going through horrendous break up

[brokenhearted77]

The kind where I can’t breathe. I’ve only ever been this broken hearted once before.

I feel extremely lonely. Only one or two friends checking in on me occasionally.

I’m not sure what I have to live for. It’s one dysfunctional man after the next.

Lies, cheating etc.

Sorry to be down. There’s only so much the heart can take.

Bump

Why do you keep needing to be validated by a bloke (that's causing you that much grief)?

@brokenhearted77 you message friends. Don't wait for them to message you. Organise to do things and distract yourself. Have a good time doing what you want to do ☺️

Hi, I feel your pain my partner of ten years has just said he needs space, I am also completely heartbroken.
It's so so hard isn't it, I am struggling just like you, I have been upset, angry, crazy, devastated etc
So I have been trying to keep busy and have been in contact with friends, to take the edge off things , hopefully you could do this and feel a little bit better too x

Sorry to hear this.
I’m going through the same.
I have no friends in real life and I’m not financially independent ! I feel my life is over.
i Cannot offer advice. Only empathy.

Was your parents' relationship good, op? Did they listen to and respect you, as you were growing up?

The problem you're having now, it's about you, not about your break up. Don't take that badly, it's actually a good thing, because if it's about you, you can fix it yourself, and you will be so so pleased, when you do.

I'm sorry you're struggling. It really can be so hard. Lots of us have been there, and if you can get to the bottom of the problem and come to an understanding with yourself, you'll be happier than you've ever been. I've been somewhere like where you are now.

It does get better.

I've been there OP and it definitely gets easier, followed by your life getting better than before. Me and my ex of 12 years split up when he cheated on me, I was absolutely floored. Had a breakdown, ended up on antidepressants and begged and begged him to come back. 3 years down the line I'm a different person completely! I passed my driving test, I own a car, I've worked full time since we split, I have a new partner of 18 months and my life is infinitely better. You can't see it at the time but now I look back and I'm so proud of myself for fighting on. Do something small for yourself. Have a bubbly bath and stick a face mask on or something. You need to heal and treating yourself with respect and kindness is the first step.

I‘m with you just now. I’m in the same position. I always choose the bad ones.
Friends tell me to get over it but most of them are in relationships.
I can’t drive at the moment so very stuck at home. When I do organise things with friends they bail on me.
I am trying very hard to keep busy, sorting things in my home, but it is hard. Working is the only thing I have at the moment and my crazy dog.

Make plans with any friends who you’ve not seen for a bit, even if it’s just having them over for a cuppa (make a cake) at your place at the weekend or a drink mid week. Fill your diary with catching up with folks.

Focus on yourself. Give yourself small treats if you can afford to and get yourself out of the house as often as you can, even if just for a walk around the block.

Lots of us have been through this and we come out the other side.

Have faith in your ability to weather this emotional storm and before you know it, you’ll be dancing in the rain. You’ll see. 🤗

In the kindest possible way, if you keep picking dysfunctional men, you should probably stay single for a while and address why you keep doing this. After all, if you had a headache caused by banging your head on a wall, you wouldn't keep banging your head, would you?

@Username620

Why are you friends with those people?

Oh sweetheart, I'm sending you love and a hug, my husband just moved out, been married 30 years, I'm feeling everything you feel so I wanted you to know I understand how you feel and how numb you are, ive been given some wonderful advice here which is really helping me.
Firstly - one hour at a time, one foot in front of the other, be kind to yourself, little treats, a coffee, some chocolate, a Lush bath, glass of wine, I'm not sleeping great so am out walking with my dog very early which is helping me come to terms, just thinking things through, walking in the quiet.
I'm binge watching series he never liked watching, getting food in that he never liked but I did! Just trying to be gentle and kind with myself, let your friends prop you up, I find I don't want to tell people other than my closest friends and my grown up children.
Whatever you feel is valid and its OK to cry, shout, throw things or whatever helps!
Here for you, you've got this, you are strong 💪 and you will be ok, much love x

Sending love to you, really sucks doesn't it? You and I have one huge plus in our corners! My rescue dog is my reason for getting out of bed currently, she's bonkers, she makes me laugh, and the long walks help me think, clear my head and to function, thank heavens for them! Xx

Sending ❤️💔 your way

it’s horrible
matthew hussey YouTube videos saved me when I was at the worst ebb , I don’t know why but they really helped as this is such a common pain

But if you have a pattern of wrong un
this pain will pass as he probably made you miserable (or she )

so in simple terms you will feel better if single as the misery of the ups and downs will abate

Sending you hugs, in same boat, mine left Friday after 30 years, its so painful, feel just the same - I hear you and am sending you love, keeping busy, being gentle and kind to myself, taking one hour at a time xxxx

Aww sending you hugs and love too, it's awful it truly is one of the worst things I have been through. I am trying to be kind to myself and keep busy but the thoughts do keep creeping in don't they, let's hope we get through it all soon x

You will get through it. One day you will wake up and be over it.

I had a good friend who used to take the puss out of him to me which really helped. “You could fit him in your pocket he’s so small” “this is the guy who spent thousands on strippers then made you feel terrible you had dated 8 people before him”
”Is he still sitting at home 7 days a week and going shopping on Saturdays? How will you miss all that excitement?” Etc. It broke the spell and made me see the reality. Make a list of all his negative points, of how he made you feel and look at it daily. Meanwhile, take long walks, do things you enjoy, hang out with people you lije. Cry if you need to.

It really is horrible, fluctuating wildly between tears, anger, devastation, incredible sadness, confusion, the lot! Heard nothing from him since he went which is the hardest, he was my best friend for 28 years, trying to be strong and haven't contacted him xxx

That's exactly like me, thousands of emotions in one day, it's exhausting, mine is still in contact which is giving me some comfort for now, you are being very strong good on you xx

clareangel

oh I’m sorry to read that
must be …
why did it end ?

Good question. I don’t have many friends but one was my mother and I’ve cut all contact with her now.

Hi @brokenhearted77 hope you're ok xx

I realise this is a few months old but would love to know how you are getting on now? I’m a few days in to a heartbreaking end to a relationship I thought was special. Together 5 years, both divorcees with kids. Invested a lot of emotional energy in gradually introducing the kids etc until we got to a place that seemed to work for everyone. Didn’t live together but planned to in the future. Now it’s over as he says he just cannot commit to a future with me and needs to get help for his commitment issues. I’m utterly heartbroken. Can’t eat, sleep or work, need to try and stay strong for my kids though. All I want is to see him, can’t stop crying etc. please tell me it gets better😔

It does - I'm 8m on from this (left me while pregnant) and I feel a lot better now. Confide in friends and ask them to come and see you xx