Creepy ex - I need a restraining order but don’t know how

[Firsttimemother2022]

Me and my ex broke up in March but we have a son together so it’s not as easy as ‘cutting him off.’ I have however maintained that contact with our son is to be through his mother or my sister.
Anyways, since breaking up he has not respected that boundary and has turned up at my house and left notes through the door. He never signs his name so proof that is him.
I’ve just ignored it in hopes that he will get bored and leave me alone.
But the other night I woke up and it must’ve been about 4/5am since it was still dark outside, and I opened my eyes to see him sat on my bed watching me.
The crazy thing is I just went back to sleep 😮 and when I woke up in the morning he was gone. My doors are always locked so I’m guessing he climbed through the windows since they were open at night due to the heat.
Long story short he is a weirdo and I’m now paranoid to even have my windows open. I have looked online about getting a restraining order in place but it says I need evidence. Does anyone know how ‘strong’ the evidence needs to be? I have no records of phone calls etc from him as I’ve changed my number. I literally have no proof that he is harassing me. Will the courts just believe me? As it’s my word over his?

You can apply for a non-molestation order. You will describe what’s happened in a witness statement and that will be your evidence. Call the National Centre for Domestic Violence. They will explain the process and perhaps hook you up with a solicitor who will draft the documents for you for free.

https://www.ncdv.org.uk/

He sounds dangerous. Also call the police and tell them what’s been going on.

You need to report this to the police now. Absolutely terrifying and he will only get worse

That's unhinged behaviour 😬 I would be seriously concerned of it progressing.

Unfortunately my parents have had a neighbour vendetta where they have been stalking their grandson, posting images of where they live and work, saying they know where they are. Posting photos through postbox. Police did nothing, they said without it signed and no evidence of who posted it they won't do anything!

Therefore.....

Do not provoke him for now, keep him sweet while you collect evidence, you do not what this insane weirdo provoked whilst he is already unhinged. Who knows what he is capable of.

Install cameras, motion detectors are the best as then you don't need to filter through footage and should have time stamp. Infa red ones you can get them from Amazon and link to your phone. Keep them running constantly.

Record all messages and interactions.

Also there is an app for your phone, I used when I had a stalker, gosh can't remember the name of it.. but you can link it to the police and a trusted person number. When it's running you shake your phone and it calls them whilst recording. The police told me when I reported my stalker.

It's called Hollie Guard.... the app just found it :)

Thank you all for your comments. I know you are just trying to help but now I’m panicking a bit.
I really don’t want to think about the possibility of him trying to kill me because that’s crazy right? But then after reading one of posters mentioning the timeline to homicide I realise now that he does actually follow the steps.
I can’t afford to move, I’m renting and have to stay here another 9 months until my contract runs out.

Please don’t leave your windows open again. Get camera / doorbell installed asap, and report to the police. Seriously this sounds dangerous

I wouldn't say murder, it's more his behaviour is unhinged and illogical... therefore he is unpredictable. No one likes unpredictability haha it's better to prepare for the worst so you can implement a plan to ensure safety and that the matter is dealt with. He isn't a man to be passive with x

Do NOT allow him unsupervised access to your son! I had to get a non-mol against the father of my eldest and it prevented him from coming near both of us and stated that to gain access, he needed to contact a solicitor and begin court proceedings. He didn't bother of course

I’m gonna be honest it reads like a dream, I don’t think however exhausted you were you would go back to sleep. Dreams can feel real sometimes but definitely get a ring door bell

Just thought I’d update as last night he woke me up whilst I was in my bed sleeping at 2am. This time he pretty much forced me to get up as he ‘wanted to talk.’
I had my bathroom window open (I know, my bad) but where I live you need a pin which he doesn’t have to get to the back.
Turns out he climbed a tall and spikey gate to get access to the back. He injured his hand in the process and when I asked him to leave he said he couldn’t drive because of the pain.
I called the police who came and escorted him out. Hopefully this will be enough for me to get the non molestation order.

Wow, that's psycho/sociopath behaviour right there. What did the police say?

Chilling.

Report to the police immediately!

Don't say you fell back to sleep. Just say you pretended to sleep until he was gone.

Seriously op he could kill you in your bed. Go.yo the.police.

And change your locks because he may have a key.

Holy shit. Thank fuck you are safe.
Do they know he broke in? What have they said?
You should go to the station and see if you can make a statement about the harassment. At the very least, that puts stuff on record to help towards a restraining order.

See about getting a camera doorbell. And cctv in general maybe.

Well done for ringing the police hopefully you can get some support now

Have they recorded this as a stalking incident, complete a risk assessment and complete your safeguarding? They really need to have. They should also have arrested him for stalking! Make sure you requested a restraining order or contact NCDV for a non molestation order

This is extremely worrying ☹️

Fucking hell.

I had to get a restraining order when a man l didn't even know started stalking and harassing me. Police were really good, arrested him, kept him in custody , it went to trial and he was sentenced.
My advice would be tell everyone you can, abusers rely on you keeping quiet. Women's aid were also fantastic, they will give you excellent advice regarding panic alarms, signs to let neighbours know you need help, advice to keep your property safe and secure. I couldn't fault the police or Women's Aid, and l hope you get same support.

Sorry wasn’t clear yes he was arrested.
He was telling the officers all these lies that I let him in and that I’ve got mental health problems. Which I don’t by the way. He said I went crazy after having my baby. Also not sure, I mean it did change me a lot having a baby how could it not? I was also 20 when I gave birth so I have found it hard but now I’m just worrying they will try to take my son away because they think I need help.🥲

I would also contact this organisation
Suzy Lamplugh Trust

Fuck. This a worrying.

So he was arrested but not charged? Or has he been bailed? What protective factors are in place- a DVPN/DVPO. Contact police and ask for this to be referred to domestic abuse officers- consider whether a home office panic alarm is required and also sanctuary scheme to look at additional security measures.

Did they do a DASH assessment on the risks to you?

They're not going to think you're crazy or take your baby. Get ALL instances recorded by police to keep an evidence log. I'm not victim shaming but for the love of Christ keep your windows shut- you know he's used open windows twice now so don't make it easy for him to get in

I am concerned for you
You don't seem to be taking it seriously
He could harm you and your child
He need restraining and you both need protection
Personally I'd move

Do not take on board anything that he says to you.
Remember this is coming from someone visiting you unannounced at 2am.
I would expect some help to be followed on from this arrest.
Good on you for calling the police.
Do you have family and neighbours to talk to about this?