Who to put first?

[Bluebaron1]

Trying to keep this simple so advice please.

I have three daughters 18/20/24 who live with me. My new partner has fallen pregnant and I’m trying to find a way forward.

my ex says I should put my “children” first with regards her maybe moving in (they are not very happy about things).

I think they are adults and I should be concentrating on my new partner and unborn child?

I would never walk away from this. I’m giving her 100% support and that the issue according to my ex I’m putting her before my “children”.

Can your ex move in and pay you rent? The. Your older children stay there and you rent a small space with your new partner
and baby (and presumably 5 year old too) until the mortgage is up and you can sell. Gives 18 yr old a few more years in her home.

I already pay £1400 a month to my ex for her rent (in lieu of her equity) she has suggested this but said I would have to pay for the house and a new place which would increase my monthly “rent” by around £2000.

Parenting doesn't suddenly end when children reach 18.

Yes, they are legally adults now, but so are you and, presumably, your new partner, and your situation kind of proves that adults need support too.

You need to find a middle path that doesn't involve a sudden, huge upheavel in your daughters' lives

It sounds a lot for your daughters to accept - in 7 months you've started dating someone 18 years younger than you, knocker her up and now her, the unborn baby and (assuming!) her 5 year old need to move in with you?

Just because they're adults doesn't mean they get shipped off obviously, but they're equally important as your future child imo. They need to be comfortable too - having three extra people move into the house because of a decision you and your girlfriend have made is quite a lot to take in.

How long have you been separated from their mother?

Sorry if I’m being dense but in that case can’t your ex move back into the family home, and you spend the £1400 you’re paying for your ex’s rent instead on a place for you and your new partner?

If you've been with her for seven months and she has a five year old already, I think it's a mistake to move in together tbh.

Her poor existing child is going to be put in a situation where he's living with a man he barely knows and some other adults he doesn't know at all, plus a newborn baby.

OP your girlfriend didn't randomly 'fall pregnant', you both made the active choice to have presumably unprotected sex. You didn't wear a condom I assume. You're 50, old enough to know much better.

I feel really sorry for her existing little one and feel surprised you think it's appropriate for them to move into your home despite it being at best that of a stranger (as you've only been with her 7 months) and at worst a hostile environment due to your adult kids.

I think your daughters have a point.
All very convenient when you rent a room for you and a young child.
No fool like an old fool, you really should know better, why on earth were you not guarded with your own fertility!

You don't need to live with your new partner. It's better for her 5 year old if you don't. Let her stay where she is living, stay over 4 nights a week at least and visit on the days you aren't staying over so you can support with care of the baby. But leave the poor 5 year old in their home. They shouldn't be disrupted because their mum made a bad choice.

I hope you have had it in writing that paying your ex's rent is in leiu of the equity. Otherwise, there's nothing to stop her claiming half the equity anyway when sell, dont rely on her good will.
It's not your DC you are competing with, it sounds like it's your ex. You are letting your ex dictate what happens in your life, which is pretty crap for anyone who tries to have a relationship with you and should probably have been sorted a long time ago. How long have you been separated? This is why it's never a great idea to date anyone until the divorce and finances are done.
She can want to not sell all she likes, but you can still legally force a sale. It takes time, so may as well start the ball rolling now, maybe a couple of years so you could be out of the mortgage then- if you are paying the mortgage and your ex's rent you are giving her a very generous deal. At least that would show your DP that you are willing to plan to move things forwards.
If you are paying all the mortgage (which should also be in leu of equity as the equity increases with each payment you make) the sooner you sell the better.
Solution is to force a sale, your ex moves in and pays half the current mortgage in the meantime, which should give you more to then rent a place for yourself with your ex until the house is sold.
If all goes well with DP, buy your own place with the equity down the line.

You should defend your dp if you do want this. Half house is yours. Move them in with a cohabitation agreement. Be clear to kidults dp does not get a share of house. Set contributions from all working adults.