He’s left - help decode!

[Whatislife1845]

My ex fiancé and I split up about 6 weeks ago after 5 years. He broke up with me because he didn't feel 'the spark' anymore and didn't feel he loved me or ever had and didn’t feel I love him. I am 6 months pregnant and we have a 4 year old son together. We own our house together as well. All that to say our lives were very intwined for someone never in love.

We still see each other most days as he comes over to put our son to bed 3 times a week and sometimes works from home from the house. We’ve also done a couple of days out together eg school fayre.

We split amicably, I wanted to try counselling, he didn't so that was that.
Since then he always asks how I am and regularly says 'are you sure, you can talk to me', he notices when things in the house are running out and will buy them for me, he makes jokes about the break up, he teases me and touches me when he's
laughing at me, he often asks if there's anything he can do to help and he'll skip a social event if I say I do need his help. Without any question from me he
tells me about things going on in his life and what he's doing, where he’s going etc. we're very friendly together and constantly laughing. There have been no arguments but we have had conversations re finances and are currently preparing to sell the house.

He always calls rather than texts re arrangement.

Part of me resents him enormously for leaving whilst pregnant and makes me incredibly angry but part of me is desperate for him back. Help! Do you think he's just being kind or he's still interested?

You know what he's not doing? Trying to decode your behaviour as he's manipulating you into thinking he's somehow still a good guy.

He is not a good guy. Establish some clear boundaries for yourself and your DC.

I know I’m being totally ridiculous about the whole thing

He wouldn't agree to counselling - not surprisingly as they would have seen straight through him - but that doesn't mean that you can't. It might help to have someone to talk to about how to organise your thoughts, your finances and your future plans.

His behaviour sounds odd, as if he's still stringing you along. You arranged he would text - so he rings instead to be all chummy. But he's so nice - its hard to complain and ask him to text as arranged

He works from home and tops up the occasional bit of household supplies. (which is by the way the least, the very least, he could do) but are you getting financial contribution towards the children?

Think carefully about the house sale, take legal advice and make sure you will be able to manage. When will it go on the market? has it been agreed whose solicitor the sale proceeds should be going to? ( not his I hope!) and how much each party will get.

I don't think you should contemplate a house sale without legal advice and appoint your own solicitor. (you can usually pay when the house is sold I think) And make sure you have thought out your own plans for what you want to do next.

Don’t beat yourself up, OP. You are innocent and he is already causing you needless pain.

First by leaving you and DC, and I think you are still so stunned that you haven’t really registered what an outrageous offence he has committed in strolling away leaving you pregnant.

Second by stringing you along for his own pleasure and convenience. This will last till he has got all he wants, including the house sale.

The fault is entirely his. You are not ridiculous, just being messed around.

Don’t let your house be sold — you need to keep your home for yourself and DC.

Get onto CMS. Make sure he pays the highest possible rate, because a man who dumps the pregnant mother of his child won’t hesitate to try to swindle you out of the money your children are entitled to.

He is not in any way good or decent or caring. Don’t give him any more chances to hurt you.

This times a billion. Please OP think very carefully before you do anything that will destabilise your living arrangements. Don’t lift a finger to make his life easier, instead think of what your children need.

Good luck, you CAN make a better life without him. Everyone here knows that, you just need to realise it too xx

Hmm I’d be careful too on the money front. Is he paying you child maintenance? That’s worth a lot more than ‘topping up’ things when you run out.

It sounds like he is keeping you sweet but be careful as he might turn.

OP His casual cruelty towards you is off the scale. Your post made me feel very sad

He is still paying half the house and half childcare fees so he is paying his fair share. I agree with you all though, I’m being a mug and need to think about myself and DC’s first and foremost and he will have to fit around us.

Id stick to factual discussions about (a) house and (b) the children.

I.e. DC has a letter about parents evening on x date and time. Or estate agent needs x document from you.

I wouldn’t engage emotionally or physically. If he touches you ask him not to. Don’t laugh and joke. He doesn’t get that treatment - you aren’t together.