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Original poster

Missing condoms mystery

48 replies

Della88 · 25/06/2023 17:50

Hello folks,
Has anyone here been in a similar situation to this?
A couple years ago my husband visited another woman's home without my knowledge, I caught him out, he always said it was just a support thing for him and nothing else happened.
As you can probably understand, this sort of stuff breaks down the natural trust you once had, but I decided to stay and forgive the one mistake. (he also has history of lying) and it makes you do crazy things..which brings to me to the issue.

At the time, there was a box of condoms in the drawer, and because of everything that had happened, I checked to see how many was in the box and there was 3 left...I know this for sure because I made a note of it on my blackberry, just recently he gave me another reason to be suspicious (I won't go into it here because I am now starting to wander off topic) anyway, when he left for work, I decided to check the box again (this is how paranoid this stuff makes you) and there is now only one left in the box!....and not used by me.

The relationship, to be honest has not been great since the sneaking around incident, there is no intimacy, no connection and the only time he talks to me is about his work... quite frankly, I just gave up.

So, where have these condoms gone? because I certainly have not touched them, I admit a couple of condoms going missing in a space of two years is a bit weird, if you were up to no good you would certainly have used more than that in that space of time?
No, I am not going to say anything at the moment because I have no hard evidence and I think that would be a mistake...thoughts? Advice?

OP posts:
justanothermanicmonday1 · 25/06/2023 17:53

Do you have any older DC in the house that could have taken them?

Original poster
Della88 · 25/06/2023 17:59

justanothermanicmonday1 · 25/06/2023 17:53

Do you have any older DC in the house that could have taken them?

Nope, no one else lives here

OP posts:
Tillybud81 · 25/06/2023 18:00

"The relationship, to be honest has not been great since the sneaking around incident, there is no intimacy, no connection and the only time he talks to me is about his work... quite frankly, I just gave up."

Why are you focusing on the missing condoms and not this? Why are you still there regardless?

Original poster
Della88 · 25/06/2023 18:04

Tillybud81 · 25/06/2023 18:00

"The relationship, to be honest has not been great since the sneaking around incident, there is no intimacy, no connection and the only time he talks to me is about his work... quite frankly, I just gave up."

Why are you focusing on the missing condoms and not this? Why are you still there regardless?

Good question, best answer I can give is, it is comfortable, and he is good in other ways, but yes, I completely understand why you are saying this...I am thinking being taken for a fool again, but need more evidence

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 25/06/2023 18:06

Why do you need more evidence? You don't trust him. You haven't trusted him for several years. Is that not enough?

Tillybud81 · 25/06/2023 18:06

I wouldn't say you need any evidence of an affair to end a relationship you're both clearly not happy in

Original poster
Della88 · 25/06/2023 18:07

HundredMilesAnHour · 25/06/2023 18:06

Why do you need more evidence? You don't trust him. You haven't trusted him for several years. Is that not enough?

No, it is not enough, The next decision I make needs to be the right one

OP posts:
Original poster
Della88 · 25/06/2023 18:09

Tillybud81 · 25/06/2023 18:06

I wouldn't say you need any evidence of an affair to end a relationship you're both clearly not happy in

Yes, I accept what you are saying, but in all honesty, I have never given it much thought, I suppose you just hope it will get better (stupidly) sorry

OP posts:
fortnumsfinest · 25/06/2023 18:13

If you don't trust him op, regardless of how comfortable you are, you should end the relationship. When you say your decision has to be the right one, does that mean you'd happily stay with him if he was able to provide you with an answer re the condoms?
Because realistically he's the only one that is going to be able to do that, but even if he does, will you believe it?

Tillybud81 · 25/06/2023 18:15

Don't be sorry, but know that no one deserves to put up with mediocre. It's your life and you should make decisions for you.

I know it's not easy though, sending hugs

Original poster
Della88 · 25/06/2023 18:16

fortnumsfinest · 25/06/2023 18:13

If you don't trust him op, regardless of how comfortable you are, you should end the relationship. When you say your decision has to be the right one, does that mean you'd happily stay with him if he was able to provide you with an answer re the condoms?
Because realistically he's the only one that is going to be able to do that, but even if he does, will you believe it?

I was getting comfortable with trusting, yes, it was probably wrong to check the box, but other than that I have no defence unfortunately

OP posts:
Original poster
Della88 · 25/06/2023 18:23

Tillybud81 · 25/06/2023 18:15

Don't be sorry, but know that no one deserves to put up with mediocre. It's your life and you should make decisions for you.

I know it's not easy though, sending hugs

Thank you, this stuff is really hard

OP posts:
fortnumsfinest · 25/06/2023 18:24

You don't need a defence op. He's let you down once, you've tried to forgive and forget, it doesn't look like you can, which is absolutely fine. It doesn't look like he's putting in any effort so why should you have to put up with that.

Original poster
Della88 · 25/06/2023 18:26

fortnumsfinest · 25/06/2023 18:24

You don't need a defence op. He's let you down once, you've tried to forgive and forget, it doesn't look like you can, which is absolutely fine. It doesn't look like he's putting in any effort so why should you have to put up with that.

These messages from everyone are just making me realise how stupid I am being. Especially when you are such a forgiving person

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 25/06/2023 18:28

He’s either fucking someone or taking drugs ina lads holiday
im so sorry but it’s not looking great

Original poster
Della88 · 25/06/2023 18:29

fortnumsfinest · 25/06/2023 18:13

If you don't trust him op, regardless of how comfortable you are, you should end the relationship. When you say your decision has to be the right one, does that mean you'd happily stay with him if he was able to provide you with an answer re the condoms?
Because realistically he's the only one that is going to be able to do that, but even if he does, will you believe it?

Thank you, I see where you are coming from, I don't think there is a reasonable explanation, how can there be?

OP posts:
C1N1C · 25/06/2023 18:30

Yeah, the trust is the main issue...

As for the missing condoms, as a guy I can't think of a reason he'd use them apart from the intent to try his luck elsewhere BUT, there are some possibilities...

1- Are you on birth control etc? Maybe he has them stashed in a wallet somewhere for spontaneous sex with you??? Random car sex can be messy...

2- He thought there might be a chance with someone else... maybe he hasn't used them, maybe he saw the error in his ways and they're still 'somewhere'...

3- Condon wank. Guys sometimes do this... less mess.

4- Gave them to someone? Mate getting lucky?

5- sell by date... general clear out?

Original poster
Della88 · 25/06/2023 18:33

C1N1C · 25/06/2023 18:30

Yeah, the trust is the main issue...

As for the missing condoms, as a guy I can't think of a reason he'd use them apart from the intent to try his luck elsewhere BUT, there are some possibilities...

1- Are you on birth control etc? Maybe he has them stashed in a wallet somewhere for spontaneous sex with you??? Random car sex can be messy...

2- He thought there might be a chance with someone else... maybe he hasn't used them, maybe he saw the error in his ways and they're still 'somewhere'...

3- Condon wank. Guys sometimes do this... less mess.

4- Gave them to someone? Mate getting lucky?

5- sell by date... general clear out?

All possibilities I suppose, but yes, getting the message loud and clear now regarding the trust issue

OP posts:
fortnumsfinest · 25/06/2023 18:35

If trust goes in a relationship but the other person is genuinely remorseful and makes an effort to put things right the relationship may be worth saving but if the trust goes and there is no effort to improve the relationship I think, for your own well being, you have to look at ending it.
You really don't want to be living your life questioning absolutely everything, you'll make yourself ill for someone who's just not worth it

Helpfulhaddock · 25/06/2023 18:36

It's option 3 for me Clive...

GoodChat · 25/06/2023 18:40

At this point you may as well just ask him what he needed the condoms for.

CornishGem1975 · 25/06/2023 18:40

The biggest thing that stands out on this is you made a note on your Blackberry. I didn't think they even existed anymore!

AuntieJune · 25/06/2023 18:44

The blackberry jumped out at me too!

He probably used them for a posh wank (without mess) or could it be to wrap a sex toy etc. Who cares? It's been years since you were intimate and you don't trust him.

I know it's hard but this relationship sounds like a stagnant and painful mess. You're together in name only. He hasn't made enough effort to repair the relationship. Are your together just because breaking up would be a hassle? It sounds like inertia.

Original poster
Della88 · 25/06/2023 18:44

CornishGem1975 · 25/06/2023 18:40

The biggest thing that stands out on this is you made a note on your Blackberry. I didn't think they even existed anymore!

It is an old model that was used, but kept it..

OP posts:
Aubree17 · 25/06/2023 18:53

My ex used to wank with them. Apparently.

Dig deep and think about whether this is the type of relationship you really want.

Sometimes the hardest decisions are the best ones in the long run 💕