Missing condoms mystery

[Della88]

Hello folks,
Has anyone here been in a similar situation to this?
A couple years ago my husband visited another woman's home without my knowledge, I caught him out, he always said it was just a support thing for him and nothing else happened.
As you can probably understand, this sort of stuff breaks down the natural trust you once had, but I decided to stay and forgive the one mistake. (he also has history of lying) and it makes you do crazy things..which brings to me to the issue.

At the time, there was a box of condoms in the drawer, and because of everything that had happened, I checked to see how many was in the box and there was 3 left...I know this for sure because I made a note of it on my blackberry, just recently he gave me another reason to be suspicious (I won't go into it here because I am now starting to wander off topic) anyway, when he left for work, I decided to check the box again (this is how paranoid this stuff makes you) and there is now only one left in the box!....and not used by me.

The relationship, to be honest has not been great since the sneaking around incident, there is no intimacy, no connection and the only time he talks to me is about his work... quite frankly, I just gave up.

So, where have these condoms gone? because I certainly have not touched them, I admit a couple of condoms going missing in a space of two years is a bit weird, if you were up to no good you would certainly have used more than that in that space of time?
No, I am not going to say anything at the moment because I have no hard evidence and I think that would be a mistake...thoughts? Advice?

I'd ask him outright.. no point wasting time thinking what might have happened.. and watch his face/body language when you ask him.. his reaction might be all the evidence you need. (Been there myself.)

You either ask him and judge whether to believe him, or you snoop. Bags and pockets for the condoms, phone/laptop for evidence. Your choice

There are several ways he could've been using them on himself.

However, I would leave the relationship on account of it being shit.

Never met a man who wanks in condoms.
He is most likely cheating. Trust your instinct.

Trust your gut but if you do ask he’s definitely going to make something up or act dumb. If he’s up to something then you’ll find something. Check his phone regularly and bank statements. He could have a second phone. I know people on here think that is wrong. But I believed the bullshit for nearly 2 years until more suspicions started and then I went looking and found all the evidence I needed so he could no longer talk his way out of it!

Have you ever heard of a 'posh wank'?

Stop mucking around and make a decision....
I am happy in a plutonic marriage and don't care about him having affairs or paying for sex.
I want more from a marriage it's over.
Now act ...

Did he just simply throw them away?

Posh wank = only on MN never in real life.!

Oh my days

this MN posh wank

😂

Agree.. do all the snooping you need. Mine was a useless liar.. worse was that he thought I was stupid enough to believe his lies. Ask where he's been - anywhere out of his normal daily routine check car mileage - there are so many ways to catch them but at the end of the day.. you probably know the answer yourself and if he is guilty he's going to lie through his teeth so be prepared for that and then do the math and confront him. If have suspicions have been there before, there'll always be there... let go and start afresh.

That was in response to @Daffodil18 and meant for @Della88 :-)

As has been said on here before the most likely explanation is usually the truth, sorry

Never ever heard of a posh wank to be honest missing condoms with your back story I’d always smell a rat and unless I/he/kids used them I’d sweats think he’d used them. What would piss me off more than anything is him thinking I’m stupid enough not to miss or miscount condoms.

At the end of the day you know deep down he’s lying so it’s up to you whether you stay with someone like that or leave them. But it’s never easy and sorry this has come to light.

Why were you wrong to check the box? If it’s your only method of contraception then of course you can check it. If he leaves the box lying around again why wouldn’t you check it? You can be damned sure if it were your box of condoms and he was wary of you or wanted to check if enough were there to use, both those reasons to me would be fine. The trust one is a moot point obvs but if you gave him cause to doubt you then yes I’d say ok to snoop.

I admit a couple of condoms going missing in a space of two years is a bit weird, if you were up to no good you would certainly have used more than that in that space of time?

I don't follow your reasoning? Those are not the only condoms he has access to. He could have used a thousand condoms in that time - he just doesn't store them in that drawer.

Evidence, the downfall of a woman! Why do you need this?

Did you know the majority of men don’t go looking for evidence when it comes to their cheating wives.

Think like a man. Leave.

I've known plenty of guys who like the occasional posh wank! It's a thing! Also why would he take condoms from home when he could buy them in any pub bog/supermarket / chemist/ Amazon. It makes absolutely no sense.

Man here, I've done it. Never thought about my (then) partner counting them - oops!
It's not that uncommon, as much as I'm sure the pitchforks brigade would love to believe otherwise

Not sure what you mean by "pitchfork brigade".
The point isn't whether you, one man who frequents mumsnet, wanks into a condom.
The point is op distrusts her partner so much that she has to count condoms, on account of his past untrustworthy behave.
This is not about your personal wanking habits.

At the time, there was a box of condoms in the drawer, and because of everything that had happened, I checked to see how many was in the box and there was 3 left...I know this for sure because I made a note of it on my blackberry, just recently he gave me another reason to be suspicious (I won't go into it here because I am now starting to wander off topic) anyway, when he left for work, I decided to check the box again (this is how paranoid this stuff makes you) and there is now only one left in the box!....and not used by me

If you are at the stage of having to count condoms and record the number in your blackberry, the trust has gone completely and the relationship is over.

What is the other reason he gave you to be suspicious? You say you don't want to wander off topic, but surely it's the condoms which are actually off topic - the real issue is why you have reason not to trust your DH

If you’ve had no intimacy for 2 years then would you really be surprised if your dh was having sex elsewhere?
Of course he should end his relationship with you first if he wants to have sex with other people but it’s a pretty shit marriage anyway from your description.

I think you’d be better concentrating on what you want to do now and forget the condoms, that ship has sailed imo.

With these kinds of 'Do I have evidence?' threads, it often sounds like the pondering and half-hearted detective work are displacement activities to (maybe subconsciously) postpone or avoid actually facing the real reason you should end the relationship- i.e. the fact that the relationship is dead anyway and you are not happy. That is enough of a reason, evidence or no evidence.