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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Is this abuse

14 replies

Lucyparker36 · 25/06/2023 15:36

This is my first time posting but today I have never felt so alone. I’m currently pregnant (my third) and am 11 weeks, unfortunately in January I had a miscarriage which still to this day breaks my heart, even in this pregnancy currently. Today I’ve not been feeling well, tiredness, nausea and also just finished my night shifts as a nurse so I think that’s not helped my symptoms. Today me and my husband got into an argument, he seemed on edge because he was looking after our daughter and I feel he blames me for being poorly. He told our daughter we was no longer going on holiday this week coming because she had a tantrum which was three year olds do, which I said wasn’t fair and I said he isn’t doing that to her mentally. He started shouting at me to go rest but didn’t do it in a way which was emphatically but more that he was annoyed at me, he started argument which led me to argue back and the final blow was when he stood over the stairs at me and spat directly at me, I’ve not spoken to him since and he came to me a few hours after asking if I wanted to make up, I told him I wanted to be alone and have some space, this again escalated and he threw the pillow at my head to which I replied that he must really be disgusted at me to do this when I’m carrying his child, what hurts the most is what he said next, he simply said I killed our baby in January, I had a miscarriage, I had to have multiple scans, medications and have our baby alone in our toilet, he followed on to say his always been disgusted at me ever since I had post natal depression with our first born. I feel like our marriage is over at this point for me, again I’ve never posted on here but I’ve never felt so alone in all my existence as I do now

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 25/06/2023 15:41

Yes it is. I’m so sorry.
Do you have family you can contact ?

AuntMarch · 25/06/2023 15:46

I'm so sorry.
He absolutely is abusive. Spitting at someone is common assault I think!

Doggymummar · 25/06/2023 15:48

Omg, leave today

Peridot1 · 25/06/2023 15:50

I couldn’t come back from the spitting. The contempt of that is horrible. And then the comment about your miscarriage is worse again. I seriously couldn’t look at him.

ilovelamp82 · 25/06/2023 15:55

Wow. He sounds evil. You wouldn't treat your worst enemy that way. And now it seems he's starting on your daughter. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Do you have family you can talk to. Saying this stuff out loud to people who care about you will help you take your first steps and make you feel less alone.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 25/06/2023 15:55

I'm so sorry you're going through this, the spitting and the things he's said are abusive and despicable.

What do you want to do? Do you think that you can call Women's Aid safely?

Have you got done one who can come to you, like your DM?

LittleMonks11 · 25/06/2023 15:55

I'm so sorry. Others will come with helpful, practical advice. Just wanted to send a big virtual hug to you x

MayBeee · 25/06/2023 15:57

This is bad this has happened to you , and being pregnant , doubly so.
If the holiday is this week , could you and your daughter still go ?
perhaps whilst you are away your (not so ) eh could look for alternative accommodation.
do you have family to help ?

Screwballs · 25/06/2023 15:58

This is vile and I'd encourage you to get a bag together for you and your daughter and get out as soon as you can. He asked to make up, you asked for space, so he assaulted you again. You cannot risk further escalation. If you have to play nice for a couple of hours/days, do what you have to, but please get out. Please keep us updated, we need to know you are safe.

Zarataralara · 25/06/2023 16:00

That is disgusting behaviour, abusive on many different levels. Also the emotional abuse to your dd is horrible and will stay with her if he continues to do this.
I agree, go on the holiday with just your dd.
Do you think there could be an OW and he’s trying to make you kick him out?

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 25/06/2023 20:46

Hoping you're safe now @Lucyparker36

PipMumsnet · 26/06/2023 11:22

Hi OP,

We're so sorry to read you're going through this.

We see that you are getting some wonderful support from you fellow Mumsnetters and that have been signposted to Women's Aid already.

But we hope you don't mind, when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page. We also thought this might be useful - there is an organisation called the PANDAS Foundation pandasfoundation.org.uk and they have a free helpline, available 7 days a week, from 11am-10pm - 0808 1961 776.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ💐

Domestic Violence Support Webguide | Mumsnet

A guide to information and services related to domestic violence. Find reliable organisations and support services here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/domestic-violence-webguide

GraceSimba · 26/06/2023 12:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

billy1966 · 26/06/2023 12:55

What a pity you didn't ring the police.

Spitting at you is assault.

Please contact family and friends, or tell work you need help.

He is utterly vile.

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