Rubbish Friends forgetting birthdays Am I too sensitive ?

[Bijoux8]

Am I being sensitive? I’ve recently had a birthday not a special one but even so - two friends I see on a weekly basis that I go above and beyond to help and call regularly have both forgotten my birthday.
I never expect gifts however a text message, card or phone call would have made my day.
On top of this which I guess is really upsetting me is a longtime friend from over 30 years ago had a party for her sons 21st. His birthday was a Friday party on the Saturday. As I don’t live local to them I chose to give him the card with a nice amount of money inside at the party.
After the event she made a passive aggressive remark via text that she absolutely hates it when people cannot get a card on their actual birthday. The remark came after the event, and then this week she has not sent me a birthday card at all.

I posted on socials a photo of a meal I had without mentioning my birthday she then text saying she was a shit friend for not sending me a card and she’d forgotten. I have not replied and would love a witty reply
It’s a little ironic I thought - and I’m still reeling that for my 50th she never bought any gift at all yet I did for her as it was a big hoopla for her birthday!
I can’t help but think I’m choosing the wrong people in my life that are narcissistic. I have a lot of sadness in my life recently and I would have thought friends would be supportive but I feel everyone I meet are selfish! As I said it’s not a money thing although all my friends are more wealthy than me it would of been nice to receive a text, call, or a card
Any witty replies welcome and feedback to ger text as I’m feeling very lonely in my friendships
ps if I mention about my 50th now does it sound ridiculous to bring up long after the event. I just feel if I say nothing then I’m not putting my boundaries in and get mugged off a lot

Don't remember any of my friends birthdays. In fact forgot my stepson's this year!
I know the month, but no idea the day of some friends, and no idea with others, even though we normally go out. . Usually the person who's both day it is organises a meal out. But heck I've got too much going on and couldn't care less if people remember mine.

Your friends are shit OP.

So it's your 50 and nobody sent you a card? Or your 50th was another birthday and you're still upset about it?

The friends you see every week, did you mention to them it was your birthday in the weeks leading up, tell them your plans, ask them to celebrate with you?

I'm all for people celebrating birthdays (although you're about to get a shit load of comments about how you're too old to celebrate birthdays, you're not 8!!) But I do think people are really busy, distracted, over burdened with other things going on in their lives and as upsetting as it is, it's just a fact of life that not everybody will remember it's your birthday unless you remind them.

Does FB not mention to everybody that it's your birthday nowadays? Not been on it for a long time so maybe I'm wrong.

I think the whole puttung a photo of your birthday meal on FB and your friend apologising for not remembering and you ignoring her until you think of a 'witty' reply is all a little bit passive aggressive and childish.

Ignore your friend's comment about her son's 21st..I'm sure there were absolutely loads of people who took cards and gifts to the party rather than his actual birthday and she's just being an arse.

I hope you had a nice birthday and you enjoyed your birthday meal, but I think all this drama is really not needed

Did you mention beforehand it was your birthday coming up?

It's my 40th in a few months and I have mentioned it regularly and planned some events, invited people etc.
I think if you've said nothing and then posted a photo afterwards without even mentioning your birthday it seems like you didn't want people to know?

The only people I would get upset at for not remembering my birthday are my Mum, Dad, DP and young adult son. People have their own lives OP.

The first friend was out of order.

The second sounds like she genuinely apologised and making a snarky reply back will only feel like a slap in the face / push her away. Do you really want that?

Further, did you communicate much at all about your birthday (and the 50th) coming up at all? If you don’t tend to say “yeah it’s my birthday next week, really looking forward to blah blah”, then it can be pretty difficult for busy people to keep track and also know that you even care about your birthday. Some people don’t like a fuss.

Fairly sure even a chimp could be taught how to open the calendar app and set an annual birthday reminder. If people choose not to do this then you are free to forget theirs. It’s clearly not an important thing.

As a generalisation I would guess that people care far less about real life relationships now, and social skills have dropped. Widening your pool of friends is never a bad idea.

Heck, I have no idea when my friends’ birthdays are, and I’m pretty sure they don’t know when mine is. Who cares? It’s a bit needy to assume anyone who doesn’t make a fuss of you is narcissistic.

I know how you feel, i don't live near my 2 best friends but we talk and meet up throughout the year, but they never remember my birthday and I always remember theirs. Im not looking a card or present or big hoopla I'd just like a message. I think it's the acknowledgement isn't it you'd appreciate. I've never actually been annoyed about it until this year but I'm already feeling a bit forgotten this year by them so it amplified it

I don't think it's going to achieve anything, sending a witty text to your friend after she has messaged you, apologising for forgetting your birthday.

You do sound oversensitive - although the friend who got annoyed at you giving her son an card and gift, the day after his 21st, was out of order.

Thank you - you hit the nail on the head. People’s social skills have dropped I am not needy as suggested in other reply’s just disappointed really that I always make an effort with friends but it’s never reciprocated- thank you for your kind comments

Thank you for your reply and that I am not the only once feeling how I do. Others suggested I’m needy I’m really not it’s just when you go through life with friends and remember their birthdays it’s not nice not to receive a message or call back. I guess I’ve got to that angry stage hence why I feel like I need to say something but then I don’t want to say something I regret. So will have to learn not to be dissatisfied when friends don’t treat me as I treat them
happy birthday to you when it comes round

Thank you. I am over sensitive I’m going through a difficult time in my life and more than anything even though I have a lot of problems I always think of others first so I need to learn not to be disappointed when it’s not reciprocated especially close friends.

Thanks - I care that’s my problem. I always care about people especially friends so I’m disappointed when I don’t get treated how I treat them and some of my friends are narcissistic and full of their own importance and always talking about themselves which is why I guess I’m upset and wondering if anyone else feels like I do which many do

Thanks for your comments

It's really not clear who you are replying to.

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. Maybe this is why you're feeling particularly sensitive at the moment?

If all your friends are so narcissistic and self-obsessed, which I'm assuming is something they've not all turned into overnight, it's time to stop investing all your efforts and time into them, concentrate on your own problems and maybe get some new friends.

@Bijoux8 Tag the person you're replying to as I have done in this post and it's clear which post you're replying to : - )

So it's the same friend - you gave birthday cash to her son, she didn't send you a card, and had previously ignored your 50th birthday?

If so, she's not going to change.

I do think it's a shame. It's one day to show you appreciate someone. People have diaries ffs. But going by MN, it does seem that lots of people see no reason to acknowledge adult birthdays, OP. And even resent the suggestion that they might bother.

I'd just ignore her text. What is there to say? You've given her son his 21st bd present, no further need for presents for either of them. That way you reduce your expectations and resentment of her.

Totally understand op.
I once spent my birthday evening in tears because the 3 friends I’m closest to all forgot. All their birthdays are on my calendar & I text them all.
I have a big birthday next week. I know they won’t remember. We usually do cards, gift and meal out for big birthdays & I know I’m not even going to get a text.
Sorry op, it’s shit to feel forgotten, especially when you are having a tough time

I think some people are big on birthdays and others not. I remember when my son was having his 3rd birthday, we were not doing anything other than a cake with our family trees and a friend offered to have a party for him at her house as she was so horrified. I felt shamed into organise a last minute tea with some of his nursery friends and he sat under the dining table and cried for most of it as I had had to wake him from his lovely long nap!
My husband went away to a conference over his 50 th and it's often away for work on the kids birthdays. His family never bothered and his parents have not given our kids any birthday or Christmas gifts and they are all young adults now.
I am a very poor friend when it comes to cards but I still have lots of friends so must make up for it in other ways!

I don't remember any of my adult friends' birthdays. I don't expect any of them to remember mine. if I'm planning to do anything especial where they are included, I remind them myself.

Surely adults don't need such a fuss every year?

Life long friends. I never forget their birthday as it’s been the same day for the 40 plus years I’ve known them. I’d be upset yes if they never sent me a card. If it’s late that’s fine. Work colleague friends / local friends I’ve known for much less time I have no idea when their birthday is unless they mention it and I don’t get cards unless I’m going for a meal / something to celebrate their birthday. I think if you want friends to do something for your birthday with you then you need to organise it. People do have busy life’s and it’s not going to be their priority to remember your birthday.

Someone not remembering your birthday doesn’t make them a narcissist.

Sorry, friends don't have an obligation to remember your birthday. They just don't.