Rubbish Friends forgetting birthdays Am I too sensitive ?

[Bijoux8]

Am I being sensitive? I’ve recently had a birthday not a special one but even so - two friends I see on a weekly basis that I go above and beyond to help and call regularly have both forgotten my birthday.
I never expect gifts however a text message, card or phone call would have made my day.
On top of this which I guess is really upsetting me is a longtime friend from over 30 years ago had a party for her sons 21st. His birthday was a Friday party on the Saturday. As I don’t live local to them I chose to give him the card with a nice amount of money inside at the party.
After the event she made a passive aggressive remark via text that she absolutely hates it when people cannot get a card on their actual birthday. The remark came after the event, and then this week she has not sent me a birthday card at all.

I posted on socials a photo of a meal I had without mentioning my birthday she then text saying she was a shit friend for not sending me a card and she’d forgotten. I have not replied and would love a witty reply
It’s a little ironic I thought - and I’m still reeling that for my 50th she never bought any gift at all yet I did for her as it was a big hoopla for her birthday!
I can’t help but think I’m choosing the wrong people in my life that are narcissistic. I have a lot of sadness in my life recently and I would have thought friends would be supportive but I feel everyone I meet are selfish! As I said it’s not a money thing although all my friends are more wealthy than me it would of been nice to receive a text, call, or a card
Any witty replies welcome and feedback to ger text as I’m feeling very lonely in my friendships
ps if I mention about my 50th now does it sound ridiculous to bring up long after the event. I just feel if I say nothing then I’m not putting my boundaries in and get mugged off a lot

Unless a friend organises something specific for their birthday it's highly unlikely I'd remember to wish them happy birthday. It doesn't mean I don't love my friends - it just means I'm crap at remembering birthdays.

You have to understand people are different, think differently and value things differently. Maybe they are shit at remembering, maybe it's not such a big deal to them, maybe they got distracted, maybe they had other things going on in their lives and this wasn't the priority.
Just because you show you are thinking of others through giving cards and birthday wishes doesn't mean everyone has to. Maybe they do other things which show they care. The woman sent an apology so she does care. People are human and forget things. If the friendship is otherwise good focus on that and let the cards/present thing go. This maybe just one of their flaws, we all have them!
We have close relatives who rarely remember our birthdays and our kids - we don't get upset with them as it's just their way and being upset would change nothing. They still are nice people and nice to spend time with. A card or lack of one isn't worth throwing away an otherwise good relationship.
Honestly I'd think it was a tad ridiculous if you sent back a snarky comment after an apology.

I have only the vaguest idea when my closest friends’ birthdays are — I might remember the month. I would only expect people to remember mine if I were throwing a party or was planning a night out and had invited them.

I think that if birthdays are a big deal for you, find a way of marking them and inviting your friends?

I think people who are commenting that they don't remember friends' birthdays, and don't expect their friends to remember theirs, are missing some of the point of the post.

The Op's friend had a dig at her for giving her (friend's) son his card at his party, which was the day after his birthday. She sent a text saying she hates it when you don't get your cards on your birthday. Then same friend failed to even send a card to the Op.

If I've read that right, then your friend is out of order. It is fairly standard, I think, to bring a card or gift to the birthday party when there is one, and that might be the day after the birthday. It's also fairly standard to post a card late or it gets delayed in the mail. No regular friend would have a dig at you for that. She was out of order.

With regard to the wider issue of cards etc on birthdays....it looks like your friends don't think they are necessary (as many people don't) rather than it being an insult to you personally. So stop sending them to them as well.

Cards are becoming less of a thing. Social Media has meant a lot of people send wishes that way, plus many don't like the waste of paper / card that just gets thrown or recycled days later.

"such a fuss"?

She's hoping for a text. A text.

And a card off her friend of 30 years.

Birthdays can be strange. Im right after xmas so zero fuss but annoys me when their day and its a big deal (friends). But a text or some acknowledgement is nice

Thank you for your reply. You understand it was about the dig then not sending a card which is what I’ve been sensitive about thanks for understanding the point

Yep

If they are generally good friends let it go.

If you want people to notice your birthday you have to tell them it’s coming. Not that even that always works..

I find people mark a birthday if you invite them to something for that birthday. Otherwise they won’t even realize it is your birthday.

I think it was nice that your friend acknowledged she forgot and was clear she feels bad. She is trying to repair a rift. Why on earth would you rupture this further by ignoring her?

If you remember your friends' birthdays and give them gifts and celebrate with them, then it's a bit shit of them not to do the same for you.

And your 'friend's' passive aggressive text about cards being received on birthdays? She's an arse.

I don't think you can force your friends to feel the same way as you do about birthdays or do what you would do. I'm sorry you feel sensitive about it but honestly, I don't think it's the massive snub you have taken it to be.

I you already know your friend has a personality disorder I think you need to adjust your expectations tbh.

I think you might be over sensitive , but may have suffered a lot of rejection in your life, rejection can often feel like a stab in the heart and hurts a lot. I am speaking from experience, being kind and considerate at times causes people to take advantage of you. Try being assertive you don’t deserve being treated like that. You are special x

I understand OP.
Just reply and tell her, next time someone doesn't get a card in time apply the same excuse you just used. Don't worry about sending one, I got loads.

I feel for you. I don’t remember friends birthdays but no one makes a fuss for mine either. If they did I would definitely put myself out to remember and I think its bad that yours don’t.

im rubbish with birthdays but I’m otherwise an excellent supportive friend. I don’t expect others to remember me and my kids birthdays.

reply some thing like ‘you often forget but it’s not a big deal’