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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My partner is being a fucking dickhead

39 replies

SharkSip · 23/06/2023 14:26

My job has me scheduled to do an utterly grueling schedule that I never signed up for. It's pretty much a live in type of position for two weeks. Day and night, night and day. I have a room and a bed and my own supplies. It's pretty much full on from the moment I open my eyes in the morning. I do get a patch of time in the middle of the day. Then it's more work til I fall into bed at night time. The jobs and the chores is utterly endless. I find that I have to pick and choose between brushing my teeth, washing my face and going for a shower and meals are only quick and easy and choose between bedtime too. It's utterly gruelling. I never signed up for this. I was supposed to have a team of people to help me but my employer pulled a fast one and I am limited. I had to take the decision to make short cuts in my tasks otherwise I would never finish.

My partner knows my schedule and all I am getting is calls from him. He knows I am busy and he's treating me as if it's a walk in the park as if I can drop what I am doing to go running to his calls. I'm actually finding it intense and obsessive at this stage. Already this morning I heard three calls from him. I got back to home as soon as I got a chance. I find the night time calls are too much because I am on the go all day long and it's late and the night calls are just too much and too stressful too because my work is still not done or finished and sometimes I can hear my phone but I just can't drop what I am doing.

He knows I am busy these few weeks. He knows it and all he's doing is calling me. I am in a position in my work where I have to choose between a shower, food and sleep. Basic humane functions.

OP posts:
WilkinsonM · 23/06/2023 14:27

Why is he calling you?

RayofSunshine18 · 23/06/2023 14:47

What is it you do? What is his reasoning for calling? Is it just a quick chat or a full conversation?

I have a feeling we may not get much response from you in this thread though, as you're so busy!

Theunamedcat · 23/06/2023 14:48

What does he want?

Branleuse · 23/06/2023 14:51

Turn your phone on silent?

Tlolljs · 23/06/2023 14:51

What job are you doing? It’s ridiculous whatever it is.

SharkSip · 23/06/2023 14:52

He's just calling to say hello and see how I am am and just for a general chit chat.

OP posts:
SharkSip · 23/06/2023 14:52

Branleuse · 23/06/2023 14:51

Turn your phone on silent?

I never thought of that. Thanks.

OP posts:
pippinsleftleg · 23/06/2023 14:53

Turn your phone off hand get a new job!

MorrisZapp · 23/06/2023 14:53

If he's an otherwise normal person, answer it once and find out what he wants. And ask him not to call again.

If he's usually an annoying nob then send a message saying I can't answer your calls, unless it's urgent please stop calling.

Then consider your options later on.

SharkSip · 23/06/2023 14:54

I had 3 calls the other night in the space of half an hour. All went missed because I was cleaning poo from someone else. Probably just to wish me a goodnight. He's stubborn and pissed with me for not being available. I never signed up for any of this.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 23/06/2023 14:57

SharkSip · 23/06/2023 14:54

I had 3 calls the other night in the space of half an hour. All went missed because I was cleaning poo from someone else. Probably just to wish me a goodnight. He's stubborn and pissed with me for not being available. I never signed up for any of this.

Let him be pissed off. Not your problem.

lakesummer · 23/06/2023 14:57

I think you might be taking out your anger on the wrong person here.
He may be overreacting and perhaps too intrusive but I wonder if he is concerned about you.
I would focus on finding a new job as a priority.

ChaToilLeam · 23/06/2023 15:00

I would also be annoyed at the calls while working, but what you need more than anything is a new job. You were lied to about the conditions. Is it possible for you to quit without having another position lined up?

Booklover40 · 23/06/2023 15:02

Surely this is quite easy to manage? Tell your dp that due to the intensively busy nature of your job atm you will ring him once a day when you have finished work or have a spare 5 mins. Other than that you won't be answering your phone.

If you have already explained this to him then maybe he's a bit thick, in which case you should maybe consider dumping him as he isn't respecting your boundaries

I don't understand couples who ring one another several times a day - what on earth do you talk about? Dh and I wouldn't ring one another at work unless it was an emergency or something extremely important regarding the dc's or something. So suffocating.

Codlingmoths · 23/06/2023 15:04

It’s a job not a life sentence. I think you are taking your frustration at the job out on your partner. Email your boss I can’t continue to work 24h a day and am going to finish at..: some reasonable time each night. This means <whatever it means - that people will be unsafe and neglected? Tell them> . If it will be in breach of standards phone up and dob them in.

mfms · 23/06/2023 15:05

If you resent your job so much, find another one. It sounds like you work in care and in this headspace, you shouldn't be caring for people. Particularly if you're going to voice problems with "cleaning up poo from someone else"

Also, your partner is probably trying to provide normality and might miss you.

willow7612 · 23/06/2023 15:07

You can't carry on doing a job that requires that of you so that needs to be sorted. However, what adult requires that level of attention from another person? How has he got time to call you so often? Tell him one more time you are not available then ignore.

gamerchick · 23/06/2023 15:10

Forget about your bloke for now. Tell your boss you need the help that was promised or you're walking.

Not sure what you're doing is legal tbh.

OhComeOnFFS · 23/06/2023 15:11

I can understand your frustration with him - he sounds very needy and demanding. However, he didn't sign up for this, either.

Your working conditions are appalling. You need to focus your anger on your employers.

Bluebells1970 · 23/06/2023 15:13

Sounds like you have a lot of unreasonable people in your life making demands on your time, to be honest.

Can any of them give?

Sugargliderwombat · 23/06/2023 15:34

Tell him you've been told phone needs to be off while you're working.

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 23/06/2023 15:34

The amount of time you are working actually sounds illegal.

You need to tell your shitty employer that you are not going to carry on working like this.

Duckafuk · 23/06/2023 15:41

You poor sod, its Adult Care isnt it ? Are your bosses aware and are you working over your ratio ?
I've done a similar live in job in the past and unless you have done it it's hard to comprehend how little time to yourself you get.

TwoFluffyDogsOnMyBed · 23/06/2023 16:11

I don’t understand why you’re accepting this….it isn’t normal. You’re behaving like a martyr and of course your partner doesn’t understand how busy you are because it isn’t a normal/legal situation and anyone with any self-respect wouldn’t accept this rubbish. You’ll become ill if you continue and then won’t be able to work at all.

i don’t think your partner is doing anything wrong.

TwoFluffyDogsOnMyBed · 23/06/2023 16:12

I’m not being mean…I know it sounds mean but it sounds like slavery.

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