Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help me I cant do this anymore

35 replies

WinterBaby131 · 21/06/2023 23:28

I'm dead inside. I have no more drive left in me. Hes finished me as a person, I'm just a shell. Even after everything hes done to me this morning, he threw a cereal bowl at me, frying pan at me smashed half the kitchen up, all because I showed him my email from HR saying the cant accommodate my requested days, meaning hes got to change his one day. I was dreading telling him cz of his reaction. He went ballistic and told me I had to sort the childcare it was my issue and not his, hes not changing anything of his.

After cleaning up the mess, I've spend most of the day out of his sight. Only came face to face after I pick lo from school. Most of the evening was spent with him shouting in my face calling me crap. I dozed off on the sofa and went up to bed up a while ago. I could hear him getting ready for work. He came up kissed lo, called me a fucking idiot, i pretended to be asleep. He then left for work.

After a while I then heard a noise downstairs so i went on to whatsapp to start messaging him and noticed him already typing. I knew he was about to send me a vile message as hes previously done before when he does this before. So I blocked him, I cant bear reading a nasty message from him after everything that's happened today, I haven eaten all day, I feel sick. Ive tried being nice to him even when he was having a do at me in the evening.But I dread tomorrow morning, hes threatened to leave me many times and i dread this. Even though I want him to leave I feel like I cant do this like I cant function without him, its giving me anxiety that he'll leave me, I haven't eaten and now I dont think I'll sleep either. I'm just done with my shit life, I cant do this anymore.

OP posts:
TheCheeseTray · 21/06/2023 23:29

Phone the police now - you can’t live like that - it stops today

mrsneate · 21/06/2023 23:30

You need to leave, take your LO and go, you cannot stay there OP it's not safe.

Sending non mumnetty hugs 🤗

Chillyseadippin1 · 21/06/2023 23:32

Please make plans to leave, you are your child deserve better. Break they cycle for them if not for you.

Anonanon18000 · 21/06/2023 23:32

Please leave this relationship. This is no way for you to live your life.

Chillyseadippin1 · 21/06/2023 23:32

You AND your child even..

Inthebitterend · 21/06/2023 23:33

You can do this. He has tried to tell you that you can't, but you can. You don't deserve to be treated this way. You don't deserve to be frightened in your own home and forced to hate your life.

Why would him leaving be worse than him staying? I understand you probably love him but you know this isn't okay and this isn't healthy. He doesn't love or respect you. Please protect yourself and your baby. You deserve so much more.

EasyPeelersAreNotSatsumas · 21/06/2023 23:33

Oh Sweetheart.
Come on now. You & little one deserve better than this.

FireflyJar · 21/06/2023 23:35

Have you got family? Please make plans to go because he doesn't want you there

Batalax · 21/06/2023 23:36

Currently it’s a shit life. It won’t be once you’ve plucked up the courage to leave him. The future is bright. Don’t let fear hold you back.

HowAmYa · 21/06/2023 23:37

You may not listen to yourself right now. You may not care for yourself any more. So look at it like this;
Leave or your LO will never EVER forgive you for staying. Let that be your reason.
Please phone the police. Womes aid. Freedom programme. The works.
Do it for your child. Do it now.

firsttimemum1230 · 21/06/2023 23:41

It’s not just about you though. It’s about your little one and where they come first. He should not be treating you like this full stop but even more so Infront of your child because They’ll think it’s acceptable to do and be what if they start calling you a fucking idiot or throwing anything and everything at you. What if later on in their own relationships they think it’s either acceptable to be the perpetrator or victim it could go either way and you are setting them up for that or they could have it different but from my own experience and watching others it very rarely ends up a positive one for their children!. That home should be a safe haven for you and your child not a walking around on egg shells feeling like you have to stay out his sight. This is exactly how he wants you to feel he wants you to feel like you only need him and that you can’t leave. He’s doing all this for power and control and you need to take it back for your child’s life aswell as your own

cassiatwenty · 21/06/2023 23:41

Get through this and rid yourself of him just to spite him. You don't owe him your life.

He lowers your self-esteem but just because he's mean, it doesn't mean you have no worth.

getfreddynow · 21/06/2023 23:43

I am sorry you are feeling like this. It must be so, so awful.

Not a single poster on here will recommend that you stay in this relationship.

does that tell you something?

momtoboys · 21/06/2023 23:43

I‘m so sorry you are going through this. You need to figure out a way to get away from him.

PrivateMum222 · 21/06/2023 23:48

He's made you feel like you can't do this alone. But you can. You absolutely can. Read your original post back again and imagine it was written by your best friend, or your sister, or your daughter... what would you advise them?

MotherOfAllNameChanges15 · 21/06/2023 23:54

Op, however you feel now, your life will be better without him. Imagine what it would be like not having to walk on egg shells, not being scared, being your own person. Please, you have to leave (in whatever way is safe) before he hurts you and your little one even more. Both of you deserve so much better.

bluebell34567 · 22/06/2023 00:00

he is a horrible, horrible man op.
you need to leave him.
contact women's aid, they will help you with everything.

HostaLuago · 22/06/2023 00:09

You wern't put on this earth to be his punch bag, you have every right to exist without fear and intimidation.

You need to be free from him.
Freedom can be scary when you have been caged with an evil bastard.

One day at a time, phone WA get that appointment in place, any further aggression call the police, his actions need to be logged.

Please keep posting.
x

Record his behaviour and language to you, if you can safely.

MercianQueen · 22/06/2023 01:16

The first

Aquamarine1029 · 22/06/2023 01:23

Call the police and report his attack, right now. You must protect your child from this man, you can't allow her to grow up witnessing this abuse. It will ruin her life.

Take the first step, op. You can absolutely get away from him.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 22/06/2023 01:25

This is what abusers do, they make people feel like shit, erode their confidence , limit their freedom, drain their energy and destroy their mental health, drive and self esteem.

But deep down inside, you are still have strength and the ability to leave. It's there but you are so used to the negative that you are now doubting yourself. It's completely understandable but you are no less of a person that you were in the past just because he abuses you.

Please get out of this situation, for your sake and your little one. The relief of not having to walk on eyeshells and worry about what he's going to fo next will give you the strength to go it alone.

Please talk to a friend, family member, support agency. There are probably people in your life just hoping and praying you will contact them for help, if they see aware of the situation.

Please read this and use dome of the supports listed. https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

You can do this and your life will be the better for it.

Domestic abuse: how to get help

Find out how to get help if you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 22/06/2023 02:48

Why the fuck would you want to be with this utter loser?

Please take the good advice you have received here.

Gowlett · 22/06/2023 03:03

I feel you, OP. He’s not going to piss off, no matter how many times he threatens to. My DH does the same, always comes back. You have to actually dump him. And he won’t like it at all. It’s so fucking hard.

Even if there are good times, you’ve got to remember this. My marriage has been in a bad place the last six months, and like you I’ve felt like a shell of a person. I feel like I can’t come back from it, but he’s still here.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 22/06/2023 03:12

imagine not fearing a smashed-up kitchen. Imagine not dodging a thrown frying pan. Imagine not worrying that he will call you names. Imagine coming home to your own flat without him in it. Imagine being able to relax in front of the TV with your child and Peppa Pig (or whatever age-appropriate programme your child likes). Imagine not being blamed and abused for your employer's decisions.

Hold those mental images of life without him in your mind when you phone Women's Aid.

Discretionassured · 22/06/2023 03:24

That voice in your head saying you can't function without him, that's his voice not yours OP. It's what he's made you believe over all this time he's been spitting poison at you but it's not true. You can function without him, in fact you will function a million times better without the weight of his words and actions crushing you every day.

Every reply on here will say a variation of the same thing, you will be better off without this man and you will cope just fine when he's gone. You don't have to be able to envisage that right now, all you have to do is believe that it's likely to be true because we're all saying the same thing. You can't see clearly because he's messed with your perception but we can, and it's blindingly obvious to us that you can and will thrive once you're free of his abuse. Please trust us, you need and deserve help but it won't come unless you ask for it Flowers