I'm dead inside. I have no more drive left in me. Hes finished me as a person, I'm just a shell. Even after everything hes done to me this morning, he threw a cereal bowl at me, frying pan at me smashed half the kitchen up, all because I showed him my email from HR saying the cant accommodate my requested days, meaning hes got to change his one day. I was dreading telling him cz of his reaction. He went ballistic and told me I had to sort the childcare it was my issue and not his, hes not changing anything of his.
After cleaning up the mess, I've spend most of the day out of his sight. Only came face to face after I pick lo from school. Most of the evening was spent with him shouting in my face calling me crap. I dozed off on the sofa and went up to bed up a while ago. I could hear him getting ready for work. He came up kissed lo, called me a fucking idiot, i pretended to be asleep. He then left for work.
After a while I then heard a noise downstairs so i went on to whatsapp to start messaging him and noticed him already typing. I knew he was about to send me a vile message as hes previously done before when he does this before. So I blocked him, I cant bear reading a nasty message from him after everything that's happened today, I haven eaten all day, I feel sick. Ive tried being nice to him even when he was having a do at me in the evening.But I dread tomorrow morning, hes threatened to leave me many times and i dread this. Even though I want him to leave I feel like I cant do this like I cant function without him, its giving me anxiety that he'll leave me, I haven't eaten and now I dont think I'll sleep either. I'm just done with my shit life, I cant do this anymore.