Uncomfortable when gf is out having fun

[trkgmssy]

Hey everyone, I have a healthy relationship but our having fun understanding doesn't match. I moved to Germany a few years ago and she is a native, therefore she has plenty of friends family, relatives, she had a whole life hanging out with them or going out, I was just included in her life.
When it comes to me, I am new to country and therefore have no friends or anyone to hangout but her, as my self I was never a going out and having parties person, I dont drink by choice so the parties doesn't suit me so much, I need to sit or stand somewhere with a full open mind while they dont think about anything and just party.
I attempted to some of these just to be there with her, and wasn't the best experience for me but got through for her
My gf's complain is, she can't have as much as fun when im there because needs to check on me and hang with me. So I shouldnt come with her to these events.

If I have nothing else to do that day and she is out having all her fun, I am just waiting home for her texts or at worst feel bad being alone and get sad.

And the last stroke for this thread was, she said I shouldn't come to her grandmas wedding because she can't have fun completely when im there, which I was invited by her grandma and I have a good connection with her. Actually wanted to join but after her response I feel left out of her life.

The question is; this gatherings for her happens 2 3 times a week, at first I decided not to join so would be good for both of us, after a while i started feeling bad because I am not having fun during the week without her or wanting to chat with her.
I feel like im the who needs to change how i think or should we find a middle way to get me included ?

Sorry OP but you're just not understanding how incompatible you are.
The likelihood is she will break up with you because what you're describing is bordering controlling.
Take a step back and ask yourself what YOU want from a relationship. You don't want to sit at home waiting. And she certainly shouldn't have to worry about you being alone just because she is enjoying being sociable. Like I said, you're coming across as controlling, even if you don't think you are. She will realise this and leave. So maybe have a conversation and bow out of this with dignity.
Huge recipe for disaster if you carry on

What nationality are you? As everyone else said, I think the two of you are personally incompatible, and there may also be cultural incompatibilities too.

@trkgmssy in the nicest way possible - you sound absolutely energy draining

The fact that you are incompatible is one issue - she is outgoing, you're not

The fact that you're clingy and controlling is another. Don't like loud parties? Fine! She's fine with it too - but you need a life of your own, not sitting around waiting for her to come back and entertain you!

At first I thought it was a it mean of her to say so bluntly she does not want you around on her events, but from what you have describes of your behaviour I absolutely get it - your attitude and neediness probably genuinely ruins the event for people around you. Get yourself sorted and stop living life through others

Relationships this short really shouldn’t be this much hassle!

You don’t sound compatible, she is sociable and you aren’t, and this is causing you problems. I don’t see this relationship lasting.

with you not being invited to family events and her socialising lots during the week tells me she doesn’t went to be in your company. Couples in love can have hobbies but they also love spending time with their other half.

I am also a British person who moved to Germany to be with my DP (now married). We met when we were both 32, had a really good LDR for 5 years, each in our own countries, visiting each other once a month. I moved to Germany when I had our DD. I went to baby groups and I go to dance class once a week. Been here 7 years now, still learning the language though I can follow conversations. I've always been a love my own space type so I don't depend on DH for fun all the time, he's always working anyway.

You don't have a healthy relationship at all, you sound needy and draining and actually controlling.

Assuming English isn't your first language and you don't speak German, where are you from?

You need to let her breathe and live her life. I feel stifled just reading your posts and would be devastated if my daughter was in such a bad relationship. She is not responsible for your happiness.

This is your two choices .

1. Make your own social life doing the things you enjoy so she can be free to enjoy hers or
2. Split up and find someone who enjoys doing the things you enjoy.

She is already compromising by having to do things alone because you don’t enjoy them or act like you are miserable. Many people enjoying going out partying with their partner but she can’t because you don’t like it.

So you need to compromise as well. I can see that what you want is for her to stay at home with you all the time but that’s not going to happen. And you continuing to sulk won’t make it happen.

If you don’t change she will dump you.

I am not willing to breakup

I think she knows this and she is starting to disengage from you. But you aren't taking anything on board; all you've posted about is what you want, and this comment is actually scary.

For your own self respect, break up with her and work on yourself.

How old are you?!!!!!

She loves to go out and party and enjoy herself in that way. You don’t. You either need to end it or find something to occupy your time when she’s out.
My ex was similar, didn’t really enjoy socialising at all and needed me to check on him if we were out in a social situation. He’s my ex for many reasons but that was one of them. It’s draining beyond belief. He also would be moody and difficult when I got back and it was obvious he was annoyed that I’d been out. He didn’t want to come but didn’t want me to go either, he wanted me to choose him over and above everyone else and that wasn’t going to happen.
I actually split with him 3 weeks before my brothers wedding because I couldn’t put up with having to babysit him and our kids at the same time. Exhausting.