Should I tell the wife?

[Bahbahh]

What would you do?!

I’ve seen a guy who I know is married on a hookup site. I don’t know him or his wife very well, I know them through my brother as they all went to church together for years.

Now I’m not sure if his relationship is open, they were very very religious when I last saw them (couple years back) so I’m not certain she would be open to something like that but who knows. He has listed he is interested in discreet affairs but I don’t want to assume.

My question is would you tell his wife? I feel like it’s not really any of my business and I don’t want to stir up unnecessary drama in case she’s aware of it but I also would want to know if my husband was cheating and I was her. Help!

@Behindthelines

He can be thick and be lying to his wife. It would make sense that he would think he could get away with it. Being thick and all.

I'd personally want to know.

Read the thread.

I would want to know. And, if they had evidence of it, I wouldn't care who told me.

I'd appreciate someone had respected me enough to be honest with me and not hide behind 'not getting involved' tbh.

And, if it were an open relationship or something I was aware of and ok with for some unimaginable reason, I'd thank them for their concern and get on with my life.

I’d want to know.

I hope you have ended the relationship. I'd be tempted to advise him that if he has any other relationship, you'll advise his wife about yours.

@LlynTegid
what do you mean?

I think you'll get an even split of 'stay out of it, you're not close' and 'I'd want to know'. What's your inclination? Personally I'm in the 'I'd want to know' camp.

Have you screen shotted already? Don't tell her without evidence, she'll believe whatever excuse he comes out with and you'll have involved yourself for no reason. If you have, you could send her the screenshots saying something like 'sorry this has come up. I'm not making any assumptions and this will go no further from me but I thought I would want to know. I don't have any information further to the shots I'm sending you and haven't been in contact with your husband myself'.

Put yourself first though, say if he seems a nasty type or works with you.

@hugefanofcheese

I would want to know too, regardless of the source. I’m leaning towards messaging her anonymously.

That was actually a really helpful paragraph, thanks!

@Behindthelines

no, that’s just the way I chose to word it.

It's not your business, I'm wondering why you would want to get involved with something like that

I don’t know him or his wife very well

this is critical , so don’t

@Behindthelines

I did get along with her, she was lovely. I didn’t really have much to do with him.

@iwillnotstaycalm

It’s less about wanting to get involved and more about feeling bad for her if it turns out he is cheating

What were you hoping to find when you looked on that site and saw this man there?

Yes, I would tell her.

I never get these responses of stay out of it, it isn't any of your business.

I would want to know.

You've stumbled upon this information and now it is accidently your business. If I had seen someones husband on a dating site, yes I would tell them. Because I couldn't live with myself knowing I knew something like that and left the wife to blindly carry on oblivious. I'd see it more as, I have found this out, so i'm letting you know - now you have a choice.

Once you've done that - then it is no longer your business what happens afterwards.