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Original poster

Men that aren't kind to animals

63 replies

manyunansweredquestions · 20/06/2023 23:16

I've seen it listed on here many times that a red flag for a man is one who isn't kind to animals. Now I understand why being unkind to animals is bad, that is obvious irrespective of sex, but I'm wondering what people's assumption is related to that behaviour? Is it presumed to suggest they're abusive to those more vulnerable than them? What if there is no suggestion of this and that it's 'just' an intolerance of animals (again I'm not trying to minimise the point)? Is it more that people wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't like animals because they do?

I'm genuinely wanting to understand what people's main, related concern is, if there is one.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 21/06/2023 08:36

I'm not really sure what you don't understand tbh.

I keep rabbits. I don't care whether someone I date likes rabbits or not tbh. I would care if they thought it was funny to torment them, or didn't care enough to not leave them in a vulnerable position (eg unfed or the run open overnight) without any regard for their welfare.

I don't particularly like dogs. Well, that's not true. I like dogs but I wouldn't choose to keep one myself. That said, my partner is an experienced dog owner and if he wanted one, I'd welcome it. I'd care for it but he'd be responsible for the gross bits 😉 but I would never be unkind to one!

For me it's like children - I love his children (as he does mine) in a 'love is a verb' way. We treat them with kindness, respect and love even though we might not 'feel' love for them (kids are older/adults).

Anyone who shows a complete lack of empathy towards animals is likely to be someone who doesn't show empathy to anyone and that includes you and your family. Its about being aware of the needs, comfort, health and worth of someone/something who isn't them. Why wouldn't anyone see that as a red flag?

And that's before you even get to it being a precursor for actual cruelty to humans.

BunnyBettChetwynnd · 21/06/2023 09:47

@manyunansweredquestions What is your view on this?

welcometomylife23 · 21/06/2023 11:36

It’s quite common that people who are abusive to animals are to people, either as a starting point, not caring that seeing abuse in a home will impact an animal or as well as.

There’s 2 amazing brothers who survived DA at the hands of their father who killed their mother and sister, who bravely do talks about their experiences. Their father picked on their family animals.

My mother married someone when I was a child who was much older and an ex police officer. The day she brought him into our home for the first time, he acted completely standoffish to our 2 dogs. I knew then he couldn’t be trusted and was proved right as over the course of their marriage proved incredibly emotionally and physically abusive and incredibly controlling.

Otherland · 21/06/2023 11:38

Most people are cruel to animals though. Probably including everyone on this post. We don’t live in a vegan country.

I would only ever date a vegan.

Yorkshirelass04 · 21/06/2023 13:19

I don't understand why this is a question.

Any sort of unkindness or meanness would have me running a mile.

Abouttimemum · 21/06/2023 13:25

If you can be cruel to an animal you can be cruel to anyone in my opinion. Massive red flag.

Huge different between that and just not being a fan. I love animals but wouldn’t have any pets. I’m still kind to other people’s pets though.

Maddy70 · 21/06/2023 13:28

Massive red flag. It would worry me greatly if anyone was unkind to animals

JanglyBeads · 21/06/2023 13:30

It's not an opinion it's a fact, researched- abusive men often abuse animals.

It shows their entitled arrogant attitude, anything they consider 'lower' than them better watch out.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 21/06/2023 13:48

Absolute deal breaker! No way in hell.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 21/06/2023 13:49

But then I would be very unlikely to date anyone who ate meat for the same reason.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 21/06/2023 13:52

Otherland · 21/06/2023 11:38

Most people are cruel to animals though. Probably including everyone on this post. We don’t live in a vegan country.

I would only ever date a vegan.

Not everyone.

readbooksdrinktea · 21/06/2023 13:56

BunnyBettChetwynnd · 20/06/2023 23:23

It's because cruelty of any sort to any living thing is objectionable if you are a humane thinking person with a brain and a heart.

"just' an intolerance of animals" made me feel sick, like it's trying to excuse abuse. Unforgivable.

Yes.

Mumofnarnia · 21/06/2023 18:29

I would never date anyone who is unkind to animals. There is a link between animal abuse and child abuse/ domestic abuse. Most child abusers start out being cruel to animals and then move on to people. I’ve found people who are unkind to or mistreat animals generally mistreat humans, no matter how nice they may come across on the outside! I would definitely not date anyone who is mean or cruel to animals. It shows a lack of respect or empathy of how that animal is feeling. Which means they will show a lack of respect and empathy to the people they are in a relationship

ThatsACoolShirt · 21/06/2023 18:30

Unkind to animals or even having an ‘intolerance’ of them, huge red flag for me.

Simonjt · 21/06/2023 18:31

Huge red flag, I don’t trust people who don’t like animals, so far it has shown that my thinking is correct.

Chipsndips80 · 21/06/2023 18:39

I second what so many others have said. I would have absolutely no time for anyone who is cruel to animals. There are a group of guys local to me who quite often hunt and then pose for photos with the animal's. These are animals like foxes and badgers. I just can't fathom why people do this. I think any man (or person for that matter) who could show cruelty towards an animal or child could often go on to hurt other adults aswell

Mumofnarnia · 21/06/2023 18:40

My abusive ex was unkind to animals. If he saw a cat on the road he would literally drive at it! So glad I’m well rid of him

bookworm44 · 21/06/2023 19:15

Opentooffers · 21/06/2023 01:40

I like dogs, I have a dog and dating someone who has a dog. But if a dog was being destructive a lot of the time, I'd take issue with it. I've shouted blue murder at my dog for chewing my glasses in the past - he doesn't touch them now. Wish the same approach worked on earbuds, given half a chance , he would, and has, chewed on a few pairs. Thats not being unkind, thats discipline. Now if I'm late in the day for a walk and he starts getting destuctive, I take it I've been told a walk is required and get on with it. If there's an obvious reason then its more productive to deal with that than shout. A person who is not authorised fait with canine ways however, may not understand or miss ques the dog gives and shout at the time, which is fair enough, just enlighten them on what's up, doesn't mean they are being unkind.

Instead of shouting blue murder at your poor dog maybe put things out of his way. Just a thought.

Allelbowsandtoes · 21/06/2023 19:47

Everyone in this thread talking about how abusing animals is abhorrent and how they'd never date someone who isn't kind to animals. I assume you're all vegan, and only date other vegans?

If not I've got some terrible news for you....

Chipsndips80 · 21/06/2023 19:50

@Allelbowsandtoes yep I am vegan. Have been for years

WinterDeWinter · 21/06/2023 19:51

Catlord · 21/06/2023 00:20

Someone who is cruel to an animal because it doesn't align with human expectations of behaviour (not destroying furniture, piddling on carpets etc) would be a huge red flag to me. Nearly as much as someone being wantonly violent.

This is because they would not be showing any insight into the fact that they have brought the animal in as a pet to service some need in them and it is being expected to intuit the rules of a human household despite being a different species entirely. It shows a weird expectation of human dominion and anthropomorphic behaviour in an animal when it is not doing anything that a cat or dog shouldn't. Why would carpet or furniture matter to a pet? It is incumbent on the owner to train the pet adequately, not for the pet to understand what the owner will be upset by.

I hate seeing people yanking dogs' leads and shouting at them ineffectually in language they don't understand because they have committed some 'intransigence', for instance. This side of unkindness to animals shows a lack of intelligence and responsibility to me.

Absolutely this. It shows a lack of intelligence verging on irrationality, as well as an inability to empathise. The man cannot see things from the animal's perspective, and he won't be able to see them from yours or your future DC.

Also - a pathetically damaged ego which he salves by wielding power over those he can dominate.

ticketstickets · 21/06/2023 19:56

Hmm, Hitler loved animals so I am not sure liking animals means anything, but I agree someone who is actually cruel to animals is probably not a nice person.

Penguinsmum · 21/06/2023 19:57

My dh and i are not animal lovers. Could never have an animal or pet in our home. But we could never ever be unkind to an animal and we teach our son to be kind and gentle with animals.

ThatsACoolShirt · 21/06/2023 20:18

Hmm, Hitler loved animals so I am not sure liking animals means anything

Depending where you get your information from, thats not necessarily true.

Hoppinggreen · 21/06/2023 20:21

It’s one of my red lines along with smoking, beards and being a Brexiteer

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