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Original poster

I need partner to buy house but unhappy

31 replies

Tryandtryagain02 · 19/06/2023 16:46

I don't think I'd be with my partner if I wasn't pregnant and didn't need to buy my house. He's just not what I want in a partner, seemingly bad with money (never has any) even though he's working. He says he has a lot of bills. Then he proceeds to moan about working nearly every day and having to work overtime to make this money. Every second day something is getting him down and he "needs" a drink after work after such a hard day. He's hardly ever encouraging and helpful around the house.

But, I feel like I have no other choice because I'm currently trying to buy my mum out of the house I'm living in as she wants her 50% and if not then she said we're to sell the house altogether and I can't afford to buy it alone as my wage is less and I have two children. I feel like he has no understanding of keeping a home, caring and organising two children, working and everything else.

The house I'm trying to buy is my Grandparents so its really special to me and I don't want to lose it. Secondly, I don't want to be a single parent to three children. I'm disappointed in myself for getting pregnant and making this mistake and I feel like if I tell my mum I'm not happy in the relationship she won't care because she wants her money. If I was to approach him about this then he tells me all of my faults and it ends up in an arguments. I feel really stuck.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 19/06/2023 16:49

Nothing you have written there is a good enough reason to stay with a loser.
Do you really think your Grandparents would want you to tie yourself to an awful man and/or him to have half of “their” house if you finally decide you’ve had enough or he fucks off?

SummerVino · 19/06/2023 16:51

Are you 100% certain your mom won’t be happy? If this doesn’t work out, you’re tied into I presume a mortgage with this man. He’d be entitled to some of your grandparents house then - have you considered how messy it could be to get out of this? Could you be honest with your mom and tell her how you really feel, ask if there’s another option for buying it? She’s your mom, she’ll want the best for you. If she’s not stuck for cash, hopefully you guys can come to an agreement.
if he’s that bad with money, he might not end up being much help with the house at all….

Happierwithouthim · 19/06/2023 16:54

Maybe you need a partner to buy house just not your current partner?

Pros & Cons List
Speak to your dm too

Valid8me · 19/06/2023 16:57

You are staying with him for all the wrong reasons. Just accept that you can't afford to buy the house and get rid of him.

FloweryName · 19/06/2023 16:57

You’re not stuck, you just need to let go of the idea of owning a house you can’t afford.

It sounds like you’re just using your partner and stringing him along for your own financial benefit and then wondering why he’s feeling down. That doesn’t look good on you.

Let him go and sort out housing for yourself.

JeandeServiette · 19/06/2023 16:59

You'll so better as a single mum to 3 without a miserable partner dragging you down.

You'll do better in a smaller house or flat of your own than locked into a mortgage and a miserable relationship.

Half a house as an inheritance/gift is a great stroke of luck. Dont discount it and don't give in to the temptation to romanticise any particular house. Memories go with you. What you can't buy is a happy household.

But you seem to know this already.

cocksstrideintheevening · 19/06/2023 17:02

Is he father to the three children?

How have you ended up owning 50% with your mum - was it through wills?

Original poster
Tryandtryagain02 · 19/06/2023 17:07

@cocksstrideintheevening no my other two daughters are with my ex partner. Yes we inherited the house 50/50.

You're all right, sometimes you just need the clarification that because I made a mistake in a previous relationship it makes me wonder is it me? Or is it that I've just made another bad choice in a partner? The thought of selling this house makes me so sad but I probably would be better off alone with 3 children.

OP posts:
catsnhats11 · 19/06/2023 17:09

He sounds like a loser, but you are also using him...

It isn't going to end well, you'll either be stuck with him and unhappy for a very long time, or you'll be in the same position a few months/years down the line because if you split up you'll have to buy him out or sell the house anyway.

Lefteyetwitch · 19/06/2023 17:11

So he's buying the house with you?

Original poster
Tryandtryagain02 · 19/06/2023 17:13

@Lefteyetwitch he's buying the house with me but he would own a quarter and I would own 3/4.

OP posts:
ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 19/06/2023 17:13

FloweryName · 19/06/2023 16:57

You’re not stuck, you just need to let go of the idea of owning a house you can’t afford.

It sounds like you’re just using your partner and stringing him along for your own financial benefit and then wondering why he’s feeling down. That doesn’t look good on you.

Let him go and sort out housing for yourself.

This. If my partner was only with me for their own selfish reasons I'd probably be out for a drink avoiding them after work too.

sparkleice · 19/06/2023 17:15

Well if you cannot afford this house alone, you're going to have to move

DO NOT BUY WITH THIS MAN

Lefteyetwitch · 19/06/2023 17:20

Tryandtryagain02 · 19/06/2023 17:13

@Lefteyetwitch he's buying the house with me but he would own a quarter and I would own 3/4.

So WHEN you break up and he wants to sell you'll be in a worse place than you are now?

But with 3 kids......
You've got to start being smart with this. Kids shouldn't have to keep suffering adults foolishness.

OhComeOnFFS · 19/06/2023 17:23

Please don't buy a house you love with someone who's a loser like this. Imagine the fall out if you split up later.

You can make any place a lovely home, but you need to protect yourself from living with him and being financially linked to him.

bonzaitree · 19/06/2023 17:31

Imagine you found out that a partner had only been with you to buy a house? how devastating that would be.

That’s not OK, surely you can see that.

rwalker · 19/06/2023 17:37

To be blunt you want a meal ticket not a partner
Recipe for disaster if he buys half the house what happens when u kick him to the kerb

he’d want his share

Original poster
Tryandtryagain02 · 19/06/2023 17:41

Thanks for your replies and I'd agree with you but that wasn't my intentions at the beginning of the relationship. I had really good intentions and wanted a happy relationship with him but the cracks have just started to show and now I feel I'm stuck in this situation that I can't back out of.

OP posts:
lostparcel · 19/06/2023 17:44

If you are working then see what benefits you can get if you leave your partner. Your wage plus universal credit might be enough to get a mortgage.

Ponderingwindow · 19/06/2023 17:45

You will still end up losing the house. It will just be after your children have been forced to live with someone who “needs” a drink after work and who you don’t even like. When you inevitably break up and can’t afford to buy him out, you are going to have to sell the house then and it will be messier and harder than whatever situation you find yourself in at the moment.

TooJoy · 19/06/2023 17:47

YABVU

Buying a house with someone is a massive deal.

What happens if you and him separate (which is obviously going to happen), the house will need to be sold anyway but you’ll have nowhere to live.

If you’ve got 50% of the money can you not use that as a deposit?
Then the mortgage is only half.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/06/2023 17:48

You've already made bad decisions, don't add to them. Don't buy a property with a man you don't even like. Part of life is accepting you can't always get what you want.

WhatADrabCarpet · 19/06/2023 17:54

Absolutely do NOT buy a house with him.

I see that you have inherited 50/50 with your mum but involving a third party would make matters worse.

Why does your mum need the money now?
Who lives in that house?
What did the will say?

Mom2K · 19/06/2023 17:58

I had really good intentions and wanted a happy relationship with him but the cracks have just started to show and now I feel I'm stuck in this situation that I can't back out of

How are you in a situation you can't back out of? Where were you living prior to inheriting the house?

Can you not find somewhere to rent and you and your dm sell the house and just each take your 50%?

I know you don't want to he a single mum to 3 children but that looks to he the reality of your situation whether you break up with your dp or not. Based on what you've said, he brings nothing to the table financially or otherwise. If he's bad with money then going in with him on a house is surely going to backfire massively. You are better off on your own.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/06/2023 18:05

Bit rich to be moaning about him being financially irresponsible or lazy when you’re planning to use him to house you, your baby and your two other kids. At least he’s working. Are you?