Hi all, I have NCed for this as this post might be identifying if pieced together with the rest of my posting history. It dawned on me yesterday night that my new relationship is quickly heading to a dark place and I need help with deciding how to end things. Long post ahead!
I started dating a guy 2.5 months ago. He was incredibly intense and needy from the get-go, which I put down to him being a little immature and overly eager. In a matter of weeks, he started pushing for us to be in an official relationship, telling me he was falling in love with me and constantly asking me how I felt about him. Even though I tried multiple times to slow things down, it now feels like we are in a long-term committed partnership since he has been so intense from day one.
After about a month he started being extremely jealous for absolutely no reason. For example, he made a scene in the middle of the street because I mentioned the name of an ex-boyfriend in passing. When he is upset he becomes super aggressive but also icy, dismissive, and condescending. He constantly pushes my boundaries to have things his way. He won't take no for an answer, ever.
Yesterday night we crossed a line though. We were at my place and had a small disagreement that quickly escalated into an aggressive argument. I asked him to leave my place multiple times, he kept saying that if he left then we would be over, and just refused to go. When he realized I was serious and ready to end the relationship, he immediately changed his tune and became super calm, affectionate, and logical and insisted that we talk things out even though I said multiple times that I needed some time to decompress before we talk. At that point, I think I had some sort of fawning reaction because I was scared of him, and given that he wouldn't leave my place, I agreed to make peace and let him spend the night here because I guess I thought it was safer. I am so disappointed with myself for being such a coward and not standing my ground, again!! This morning I cried on my way to work. Wtf is wrong with me?
I have always been a calm, patient, grounded person and have never been the type to lose her temper or shout. Never had a confrontational or volatile relationship. However, in a short few months with him, I am turning into a crazy person who loses her mind at the slightest disagreement. I don't know what to do. I tried to break things off with him FOUR TIMES but he always talks me out of it and I end up agreeing to continue the relationship. I am normally a very strong-willed, resolute person so I genuinely can't recognize myself.
I know I must end things with him but I am scared of his reaction and don't know how to do it. We live in a small-ish city and have mutual friends, so he will always be able to find me. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this type of situation?