How often do your partners/fathers of your kids go out?

[randommangoandpear]

What is a typical routine and how does it go?

Do they go out to the pub with friends once a week? Twice, three times? When they do, how long do they stay out? A pint or 2 and home for dinner, or midnight and beyond?

Have you discussed boundaries regarding these things?

It’s pretty ad hoc to be honest but it probably evens out. I probably do more things like midweek teas / drinks and weekend lunches whereas he’s more likely to go drinking (once every couple of months though) Today I was at a spa for example for half the day, and then when I got home he went out to his friends for some drinks. It’s not often we have a weekend day where we’re not together to be honest so it was quite unusual.

I think we’re both careful not to take the piss, happy to say no if a week gets a bit heavy and puts too much pressure on the other parent.

There’s no reason why you shouldn’t have a night off. I’m not sure if you’re co sleeping by choice or if you need to work on getting DS into his own room and bed. I’d be utterly demented if my 4yo was in with us every night.

Socialise as a family most of the time on our days off

He goes to the gym 4 evenings a week. Generally he'll get ds in his pj's and brush his teeth while I prep our dinner, he'll be gone 90 mins to 2 hours. I'll read to ds and put him to bed while he is out, cook dinner and we eat when he's home. But he doesn't go out often at all, occasionally with work, but he isn't a huge fan of socialising so is home before 11 nine times out of ten.
Weekend gym sessions are first thing in the morning so ds and I chill watching TV or play games.

I go out far more frequently, but usually only Friday or Saturday evenings, more often dinner things (so I'm gone before bedtime) that occasionally turn into going out, I let dh know, but I'm generally home by midnight. Dh will be bedtime routine single handedly, if I'm home before ds is in bed occasionally we pile into the 'big bed' and dh and I take turn reading to ds and we tend to all fall asleep together which is our usually fri/sat evening routine.

DH has gone out about 5 times since DD1 was born 5 years ago, all work events. He doesn't really have friends, and feels guilty about leaving me to deal with the dc on my own in the evenings, so turns most invitations down. I have been out less, I don't have friends either but also don't work, so not many social occasions arise. He gets enough social contact for him at work, and I get enough through baby groups/school events (we're both introverts). I don't have any child-free time except in evenings when they're in bed, but I have too much to catch up with, to go out.

We go out as a family every weekend on both days, we spend the whole time together and that's how we prefer it. DH has sometimes suggested he takes the dc out so I can have time to myself but I'd rather be with them. We often do cultural things with the dc so we're still doing things we might do as a couple, but with the dc in tow. No date nights since having the dc.

Why haven't you had a night off ... and more importantly, you're clearly unhappy with the situation so why have another baby?

My DH and I had nights out whenever we wanted ... we'd check in with each other so that one of us was staying in for childcare ... or we would book a babysitter. But neither of us were rolling in drunk in the early hours of the morning. More likely to be a Parish Council meeting or similar

Rarely. I try to encourage him. But he'd rather be with us! 🤣

Very rarely. He goes to sport/the gym 3-4 days a week straight from work/fitting in woth DC sports/hobbies, as do I. But an actual night out... once a month or less. He's more likely to invite a friend round to watch a sport

DH will meet work friends for lunch once a month or so. It’s always on a weekday so I barely notice aside from the fact that we don’t coordinate a wfh lunch that day. Occasionally he meets a friend or family member for dinner. We mostly socialize as a family. He never goes out drinking.

My husband is a season ticket holder so roughly once every other week he’s out to watch the football, always brings tea home with him. Might go for a drink on the last game of the season.
he’s out whenever he wants otherwise- same with me- we’d never stop each other. However I’d say he’s ‘out out’ maybe 5 times a year? We’re just in the season of our lives where we and everyone we know has small kids. I go out a little more, but again nothing too crazy. Pre kids we went out more, rolled in whenever- didn’t really bother us.