How often do your partners/fathers of your kids go out?

[randommangoandpear]

What is a typical routine and how does it go?

Do they go out to the pub with friends once a week? Twice, three times? When they do, how long do they stay out? A pint or 2 and home for dinner, or midnight and beyond?

Have you discussed boundaries regarding these things?

He almost never goes out, just sometimes to sauna with a neighbour and even then he'll often take DS with him as he loves hanging out with the neighbour. Just not a 'going out for drinks' kind of person any more, prefers to stay home and play guitar for hours on end. Which makes me feel bad if I go out as it doesn't seem fair but then again its his choice not to go out.

We were always a couple who went out together rather than each doing weekly nights out wit friends so even though we have DC it’s every few months for both of us and same with going out with friends at weekends without kids. I was quite clear when we had DC I wouldn’t be sitting at home every Saturday night with kids while he was out

DH might go to the local once every couple of weeks on his own if there is football match he wants to see. He’d have a pint or maybe a pint and a half. He’ll have a night out with the lads once every couple of months - low frequency as we live in the North and the lads are London. He does have some local friends and he’d go to a gig or for a drink but not frequently, maybe every couple of months.

I go out more. Once a week maybe, with different friends. I have a weekend away about once a month. Sometimes that’s a family weekend with another family/friends. We often have friends come to stay too.

He and I have a night out together every couple of weeks and we invite friends round for dinner every couple of months.

We’ve got 2 DC 10,15. We’re now 53 and 58. We’ve never had any issues about going out.

A couple times a year. He tends to meet his friends during the day on his day off when I'm working and the kids are at school.

Hmmm maybe 3 or 4 times a month or so (ateast one of those nights we'll be out together though because we have a lot of mutual friends), it varies. He has work nights out, gym nights out and meeting up with friends. There's a bit more happening now because it's summertime, he's groomsman for a couple of his friends weddings this year so associated stag parties and stuff coming up.

It really doesn't matter what time he comes home because I'll likely be asleep anyway but if he's having a big night out then I'll ask him to sleep in the downstairs bedroom so he doesn't wake me or our son coming in. We take turns having a lie in on weekend mornings so if one of us is going out late one night then that person will have their lie in the morning after that.

Him: rarely, he's a massive introvert so probably twice a year?

Me: twice a week usually. One social thing with friends, one work thing or volunteering thing. I don't go more than twice a week though as don't think it's fair on him.

We take it in turns to do bedtime.

As for time off - I work full time, he's a SAHD. He gets all the cleaning and laundry done during weekdays so we have the weekends free to do family stuff. We do a mixture - sometimes all of us go out for the day, sometimes one of us takes DD swimming or similar so the other can have childfree time.

Thanks. I’m asking because DP labels be as controlling because when he goes out, I don’t want him out until the early hours.

I don’t mind him going for a couple drinks after work once or twice a week, but when he does it is always a late one. He also spends a whole day off on his hobby, which I don’t mind, and the other we always visit his parents, or occasionally take DS somewhere together. He goes camping with friends a couple times a year, same goes for gigs.

Im pregnant and a SAHM to our 3 year old. DS sleeps with me so I have never had a night away from him at bedtime, ever.

I wouldn't mind the being out until the early hours (mine has never done this!) as long as no one is disturbed when he comes home and it doesn't impact on doing stuff the next day.

I wouldn't be at all happy at always having to do bedtime - we have alternated since DD was 3 months.

And as the full time working half with a SAHD partner I think it's important you both get childfree time including nights off.

Varies, sometimes we’ll do something together, or times I’m out, or we sometimes divide and have one child each and go out seperately

Why don't you like him staying out late? Is it because he's tired/cranky or not really up for doing anything the next day?

To me the time he gets home doesn't matter because I tend to go to bed pretty early these days (I'm also pregnant) so I won't see him getting in anyway.

He is good to get on with things and spend time together or help with family stuff and jobs around the house the day after though. It would annoy me if he was just lying around looking miserable all day.

Do you want a night out by yourself? Will your son sleep with your husband? Do you plan to continue sharing a bed with your son when the new baby comes?

DH goes out a bit more than me and can come home super late - but crucially isn’t useless the next day, is encouraging of me going out and is an equal parent - when DC were small he did bath or bed every night - because he wanted to.

We’re out together/as a family far more often than either of us is out alone. But these things wax and wane with the age of the children. Pre-school was the hardest for being equal though.

At the current age he does more than ever - because they have similar sports interests so he volunteers at DC sport clubs.

His job involves a lot of travel and compulsory socialising, so in terms of him 'purely' seeing friends, fairly seldom these days, because he's peopled out from work stuff. We have a young child, so I go out more when he's at home to look after DS, and if we have night-time childcare, we tend to go to a gig, or out for dinner, together. If I had more night-time childcare, I'd be out most nights.

H goes out minimum twice a week, I also get called controlling because I have an issue with it. We have two children under the age of two, both terrible sleepers and when he comes home from being out he cannot help with the nights so I end up running between the baby and the toddler, some nights only getting an hour or two of sleep. Also he’s good for nothing the next day. He used to be better, he only started doing this in the weeks before DC2 arrival.

My husband was out maybe once a week for work dinner. He also travelled a lot (one year 120 nights away)!
With friends he had a monthly bridge game which rotating hosts (so at ours three/four times a year), that included dinner so back home around 11pm. He had a night out with old school friends maybe twice a year, and that would go on til late.
We had kids straight away, but before that I'd go out maybe once every week or two? I'm not a pub goer and didn't drink then. I'd just meet up with a friend, maybe just for lunch and a bit of shopping on a weekend, or meet at the gym for kids to go swimming then they'd have supper at the club and we would have a glass of wine if my husband hadn't already taken them, or might go out with workmates at the end of a project. Evenings if we socialised we tended to do it together, but between family (my parents came for Sunday lunch if in the country) and work and young kids that wasn't very much! We saw his side only about three/four times a year.
On his own he swam every morning at 6am, on Saturdays he'd come back and collect the kids and take them swimming. The rest of the time we were all together.

He doesn’t really from about April - end of September because he’s too busy with work, so the only exceptions would be close friends stag dos (albeit he misses several due to work for every one he goes to!), and he can do what he likes on those nights (within reason!) or weddings but I obviously go with him to those.
The rest of the year he goes out probably 5/6 nights a month, to the pub, leaves at 7/8 and comes in between 11 and 12, usually. Has a few pints, sometimes more, and sneaks in quietly after I’m asleep! Because he works so much the rest of the year, he wouldn’t choose to go out before DS’s bedtime, as he doesn’t like to miss more than he has to.

Hardly ever, less often than me, probably about 3-4 times a year.

I married an introvert

Much more in summer than winter. He goes to football probably 20 times a year, plays sport in summer and goes to the pub about once or twice a month. I would say he goes out 60- 70 times a year perhaps.

about twice a week, same as me

Why haven’t you had a night off op?? If book something in for yourself before the new baby arrive. Go away for a night or two or arrange some evening meals with friends etc.

My husband goes to the gym 3-4 evenings a week and on a Saturday morning, but he is home by the children’s bed times or goes after and we do equal bed times. He’s away for long weekends with his friends twice this year as am I.

I wouldn’t be happy with what you describe. How old is he and his friends? I don’t know many adult men with children who are out until the early hours several times a week. Sorry to ask but are you sure he is with his friends? Are his friends a bit shit too or do they not have families to be responsible for?

He goes out two evenings a week to play golf with his friends but he is only gone for two hours. He doesn’t go until about 7pm so by then the children are fed and their homework is done (as we share the load of sorting all that out) so it’s not as though as I’m left with all the child-related jobs to do.

He goes out with his friends to the pub maybe once a month but is always back by 11.30pm.

Once every couple months for the weekend. We socialise together with local friends but neither of us ‘goes out’ at home as friends we would go out with live other places. Dh goes away maybe 4 times a year for the night or 2-3 days to see friends.

No rules around it other than we get equal time to ourselves and if one of us were to go out locally, be back at a reasonable hour as it’s rude to wake up everyone else in the house coming home.

He's an antisocial bugger so maybe once a month for a meal with friends 😂 he goes to watch the local football team every Saturday afternoon. I probably go out more often than him but that isn't very common either!

As in socialising without me? Maybe 4 times a year at most. Maybe one of those is past midnight. He’s not a big drinker so he’s not that bothered. He does all the kids evening activities so sees that as socialising I think.

Dh went out with his mates around 4 years ago roughly.