Why are some men so vile?

[thecatsarecrazy]

I've been in a situationship on and off for a while now, he recently got back in touch. We were seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week, we have had sex a few times.
Last Saturday he messaged while I was at work asked if I wanted to come over his, I said I would like to. He said he would pick me up. I went home shower, changed packed a bag etc. Then when I met him he said oh we can't go to mine now, I thought my flatmate was staying with his girlfriend tonight but he's not now and it would be awkward. So I said disappointedly oh! He just goes oh sorry, thought I said? Um no Last message he sent was I'm here.
He says you can come Tomorrow if you like? He's away for 10 days, I said I would. I was nervous about this because we have never actually stayed all night before and it would be the 1st time going to his.
So we went for a drive instead, he said I want to go to the beach listen to the sea, we did and sat next to the sea in the dark, listening to the water, kissing, holding each other kissing my neck all lovely. On the way home he was fine, touching my leg next to him in the van, chatting away.
Dropped me home then text when he got back to his but all he said was back now. I said thanks for tonight I hope you liked it, he said yes of course I did.
Then Sunday we are meant to be meeting again, I packed my stuff did my shift at work, messaged him when I finished asking if we are meeting still. No reply.
I was pissed off after getting worked up and having my stuff ready. I text a few hours later and said I can't lie I'm really disappointed about tonight, delivered no reply.
Well I did a chlamydia test because we have been having sex for a few weeks and 100% my fault because he never uses condoms and I've never forced the issue but I've tested positive. This was on Thursday I text him saying please phone me need to talk, nothing. So the next day I text again and said ignore me fine! But you have given me chlamydia I suggest you get antibiotics and let whoever else u been fucking know and maybe get yourself tested once in a while! No reply. He's ghosted me.
its definitely come from him btw because he was the last person I had sex with in October I tested after that and was clear, I've not had sex with anyone since. I'm not blocked messages getting 2 ticks, pic still there just ignored me. I thought we had such a nice evening too. He's a total shit!
I've now deleted his number and all conversation. He has been flaky before where he has asked to meet the next day then when I ask if we meeting he doesn't reply but this has pissed me off. I know I should have been more careful I'm bloody old enough to know better but what a shit!

---

If you've found this page in search of condoms that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best condoms useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

Yes he is a shit, but you also need to think about raising your standards and not have unprotected sex with a man who clearly demonstrated an inability to show even a basic level of commitment or respect for you and your time.

you deserve more.

Oh believe me I know I've been an idiot, I was totally shallow. I fancied him, he was 100% my type looks wise and I know I've been stupid and have no self respect.

That’s awful 😣 I think you have done well to admit accountability in this and use this as a wake up - sleeping with a man you’re not committed to properly without condoms is a recipe for disaster and you could have caught much worse! Contraception has limited effectiveness so you could also have ended up pregnant with this clearly flaky and disrespectful guy.

He is probably embarrassed and you won’t hear from him again which isn’t a bad thing.

Just wanted to raise this point - you can catch chylamidia when using a condom. I caught it off my second boyfriend and had never had sex without a condom as I was still with our family GP who was catholic and wouldn’t prescribe the pill. It can still be caught through genital contact even when using condoms.

It can also be caught through oral sex, I know some people are a bit naive and think they should only use condoms for sex and don't think about that. I am on the pill so hopefully I was OK to not get pregnant at least 😬. I just can't get my head round us having what I thought was a lovely evening then get ghosted.

Don’t beat yourself up, obviously not trying to shame you it just upsets me so much when women allow men to treat them like this because we are worth so much more 💕

He isn’t embarrassed, he probably don’t care. But this is a good lesson for you that if a guy chops and changes his plans and is flaky it’s probably because he has a girlfriend or a string of women. Of his good looking he was bound to be a fuckboy too really, it’s a shame to say that but it ally turns out to be the truth.

Now you know what the signs are so won’t fall for it again. It’s all a learning curve.

Yes you can still catch it with condoms which is why it’s risky to have sex with people which is a point in itself but my main point was Without using a condom you can catch things worse than that. I have an acquaintance who got HIV from a situationsip when she was in her late teens.

Btw, many get pregnant on the pill, but far fewer who double up on contraception by using both pill and condoms seem to get caught out. I don’t have the stats to hand but fairly sure condom is more effective.

That was meant to say risky to have sex with people you don’t know well but actually maybe the accidental omission works too. Lol

No I don't believe he's embarrassed either, he's self centered. He always asks if I've met anyone else or been with anybody and truthfully I always say no, but didn't ask him because I knew he would have but didn't want to know, he said in the past your not talking to anyone else are you because that would do my head in, and I want to be the main guy 🙄. I've always kept his conversations archived in my phone before, but it's deleted now and his number so I definitely won't drunk text or anything. Had I blocked him he would be saved under blocked contacts and still temptation there.

Well in this case, men will continue behaving like this while women allow them to behave like this. You need to set some boundaries, any man is not necessarily better than no man at all.

I've been tested for hiv in the past after being with him, I think it's month's though before I can test again. I've done a home test for chlamydia and gonorrhea as they are the most common and can be tested fairly early for. gonorrhea was negative thankfully

Try not to worry. We’ve all done daft things like this. Sounds like you’re better off without a coward like him x

I went out with a chap in university days who seemed to get very serious very fast then he got flaky, abusive and flip flopped about dates, didn't return calls. I then became very ill with pelvic inflammatory disease and when I contacted him he blamed me for giving it to him which was categorically not the case.

I never worked out if he flipped around because he knew about this or because he's just a twat.

I was 19 and ended up at the hospital and lost three weeks of the Easter holidays in pain and hallucinating it was dreadful.

Your guy is an arse too.

I have just found out he met another woman last night despite knowing he has chlamydia. Vile.