Parents giving me alcohol young

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I'm in my 30s and having counselling atm for matters in my past from childhood and beyond that have effected my self-esteem and relationships with others. Looking back I had such an unhealthy relationship with alcohol in my teens and early 20s however I think this was down to my parents.

At bbqs at their friends or parties or get togethers at pubs my parents used to buy me vodka and orange juices. I don't remember asking for alcohol but felt grown up and drank them. Often I would get pretty drunk and felt so hungover the next day. They would buy me alcohol for parties at 15 upwards and I'd get drunk at friends houses. My dad himself loves drinking and going out. Always have been the first there and last to leave. You could never question him as he would become confrontational. I'd often be at bbqs watching my parents get very drunk, rolling on the floor laughing. Sometimes sleeping because they were so drunk. Throwing up in the mornings.
Then when I was 18 and could go out clubbing I didn't know my limits I would get blackout drunk and often put myself in dodgy situations that I'm lucky that nothing ever happened to me. Every weekend I would be out getting drunk, waking up and regretting how drunk I'd been.
Now I have DC and I hardly ever get drunk. I don't like the feeling of that control loss, hate hangovers. I continue to watch my dad still go out whenever he can to get drunk. I think he has a problem if I'm honest. Now I have had DC I just think why did you give me so much alcohol and why did you get so drunk that you didn't really care about us. I'd hate for my DS to see me drunk.
Don't know what the point of this post is but I guess I wondered if I weren't alone and if anyone else's parents behaved in this way and you ended up having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol?

I am an alcoholic. I saw my dad drink to excess when I was younger and my mum in latter years but they never gave us alcohol as kids. I suspect it can be genes or life in general that takes you down the alcoholism path but your parents buying you vodka and orange juice as a minor is downright neglect. I would not allow any of my kids to touch alcohol under the age of 18 but of course they have seen me drunk so they possibly have an aversion anyway :(

I was always worried that boys would supply my dd alcohol in exchange for sexual favors. So I would buy her alcohol to hopefully avoid that aspect.
i hoped it would be a phase and that the novelty would wear off.

I sound quite similar. My mum bought me alcohol from the age of 13/14. I would have regular parties because I was the only one with alcohol and would go out from the age of 15, drinking way too much. Did lots of stupid things and wandered the streets all night. Carried on until my mid 20s. Now I probably have 2 or 3 glasses of wine a year and chose not to drink alcohol when I go out. I think my teenage years were quite badly affected by alcohol, my mental health and friendships in particular. I think my mum assumed I would just source the alcohol myself if she didn't provide it but I honestly don't think I would have quite so young. My mum drinks alcohol but not excessively so it's a bit weird really.

What was going on that you thought this was a risk?

My parents were the exact opposite. I'm starting to think I might have an issue with alcohol. I often would get blackout drunk and have huge FOMO becaue I wasn't allowed to do anything and wasn't allowed to party with my friends, when I was finally allowed to even then I had to be home early basically when things were just getting started. Now I struggle to not drink if I go out etc. Not trying to dismiss your feelings at all, just to say it sounds like the outcomes may be similar for us as adults, with completely opposed upbringings. I think your parents screw you up either way and it's best to not dwell on it.

Studies have shown that parents encouraging and giving underage teens alcohol doesn’t inoculate them from problem drinking the child of such parents are statistically more likely to be problem drinkers when adults. So often see that shit parenting advice bandied about.

There was a prevalent view that drinking as a teen with family would mean that you then had a greater appreciation of the impact of alcohol on your system and demystified it making you less likely to binge drink. The French approach was frequently cited with wine from a very young age and the lack of binge drinking which was seen as the scourge of the youth. Now research has shown that early drinking increases receptors in the brain making you more prone to have a less healthy relationship with alcohol. Your parents might just have been doing it because they were drinking but they might have bought into this view of the 'benefits' of early drinking at the time.

I'm a similar age and also feel I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol - the difference is that I would buy my own (and my friend's) as I looked older and the shops didn't give a shit. My parents wouldn't buy me the alcohol, but didn't do much to deter me/protect me as they were often blind drunk themselves. Getting drunk/drinking was so normal in my family and social circle, I just saw it as a normal part of being an adult. You were seen as abnormal if you didn't drink and vomiting at the end of a night or a horrific hangover was almost seen as a badge of honour. I couldn't moderate myself - I was either sober or blind drunk.
My parents did drink too much and I would consider them functioning alcoholics - they both had professional jobs but would drink to excess most nights to 'unwind'. I resented them for this and it embarrassed me.
Do I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol? I think probably yes. I do drink, occasionally get drunk and feel intense guilt/anxiety the following day. I go through spells of being teetotal, and then spells of having a couple of drinks each night - I have to be conscious of this as it soon becomes a habit and I start 'fancying' a drink - I will then stop drinking again for a while.
I think my whole family has issues with alcohol. I think my parents are one piece in a jigsaw that influenced me, but that a societal drinking culture also had an impact.

Sorry for the long post!!

That's really bad parenting and I am glad you're getting counselling. I would be left feeling like they didn't have that inbuilt parental desire to protect me and care for me and instead wanted me to grow up...but whatever the reason it had nothing to do with you. There has also been this now disproven idea that a bit of booze early in life means you won't crave it later. Much like sugar, the opposite is true at a population level.

It's nice to hear other people who have been in the same situation and feel the same way about alcohol now. I think they gave it to me to look like a cool parent and alot of their friends did the same with their kids who were my age too. Probably also did it so us kids didn't bother them and so then they could get drunk.
Thing I find hard is my parents don't see no wrong in it and I can imagine them giving my DC drinks when they hit teenage years which I won't be having.

I’m the same. My parents are very religious and so alcohol/getting drunk was almost a taboo. When I started drinking at about 17 I always always took it too far, I was always the drunkest one and would never remember the night. I partied way too much at uni to the detriment of my degree (and bank account!!).

I stopped drinking maybe 4 years ago partly because I just couldn’t hack it and partly my hangovers had become horrific!

My parents gave me red wine from the age of 14. They enjoyed wine and drank I would say quite heavily as did Tommy grandparents but I have never developed an over fondness for drink. I can always stop at one glass and I have always been able to. So I would say that while it’s cultural, that is only part of the picture. I think your own personal tendencies are part of it too.

But from reading your OP, your family had a very unhealthy drinking culture and i think it would be very difficult to grow up with that and not develop one oneself.

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I drank from mid teens because I looked old enough to buy alcohol, but my parents didn't drink.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking it was your parents' supplying you with alcohol that "made" you into a problem drinker. Your genes will play a part and there's no amount of therapy that will change your reaction to alcohol. It's waste of time asking "but why am I not a problem drinker" - it's just an attempt to change reality and be able to drink like a normal person. I fell down that rabbit hole and it cost me years of misery; trying to control my drinking nearly lost me everything, including my life.

Are you having counselling? Acknowledge it, accept it and move on. Blame is a wasted emotion because most likely your parents wouldn't accept your view of it even if you did approach them, but you could at least tell them if you want, for your own purposes only.

Yea I agree. I think the drink culture you are brought up in plays a big part. To my parents it weren't a good night unless you got really drunk. Mixed in with my dad's inability to leave a party until the last minute. I don't think they were the best role models

I'm in my late 30s and have been considering therapy for a long time. I tend to minimise a lot of my childhood experiences, but now I'm a parent I am pretty appalled at my parents' decision-making.

I remember being given Babycham at special events when I was about 5 (possibly younger). My parents divorced and when I stayed with my dad aged 8+ this became sweet cider at BBQs and Martini Asti at celebrations. He would buy me multipacks of alcopops at his house parties and buy me a drink with a wink at the pub.

At the time, I thought I had a cool dad, but I also felt that I didn't always want to drink, but had to to earn his admiration and respect. I drank to the point of falling down stairs and my dad still thinks it's hilarious to tell people about the time I face-planted in my Christmas dinner - I was probably 9.

Needless to say, I was in pubs at 13 and had a terrible binge-drinking habit as a teenager and throughout my 20s. Pissed myself, was constantly vomiting and embarrassing myself. I have absolutely no idea how I am not an alcoholic.

It's only now I'm in my 30s and have my own DC that I have control over my drinking. I actually think my childhood was probably abusive, but it's really hard to think of it like that when everyone was just out to have a good time.

Wow - this post has really triggered me! I am (weirdly) relieved it wasn't just me though. Here's to being a responsible parent OP!

I think having a child has just made me see it differently. I did used to think my parents were cool for letting me drink but now looking back I have different views.

In sorry to have triggered you. Sending hugs! It is tough looking back with a different view after children. This is what triggered me having counselling, well and also being in a string of abusive relationships too. It does really hurt to open the lid at the beginning but 6 years in I'm finally at a point where it upsets me alot less. I guess I'm more angry and in disbelief at some of the stuff they did

The most bizarre reason for giving a child alcohol

Well done for not following in your dad's footsteps. It was wrong to give you alcohol and you've seen that and changed.

I was allowed watered down wine with food from the age of 15....still got silly drunk a few years later in late teens and early 30's but hardly drink bat all now.

My parents gave me wine and water (very watered down) from a young age about 7 but only with meals when we were in France as it was pretty much the norm.
I had a glass of wine with special meals from about 15 and would go to the pub with my dad from 17 but would drink beer. Tbh I was going to the pub from the age of 15 anyway with no problems.

The Europeans have a far better approach to introducing alcohol to adolescents then here in the UK. We make it a big thing and then wonder why we have a binge drinking culture! I was taught respect of alcohol and although I've had my fair share of hangovers at uni I can happily have a glass of wine with dinner or in the evening and that be it.

I let my DD15 have a glass or two on special occasions. I did the same with DS and he seems to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Maybe because their dad and I drink sensibly so are good role models?

My parents used to badger me to drink.

From about five I was offered wine and received a barrage of questions when I refused.

I was told in other countries babies would drink wine from their bottles.

It was weird.

I get really anxious when I think about it.

I'm a very light drinker but have offered my kids a small taste of wine at Sunday lunch - started out as juice in a wine glass, offered from say 10 years old, they might have a slurp but mostly ask for juice. I think I've been drunk maybe 3 times in their whole lives and rarely drink more than 2 units a week. They're late teens now and whilst I'm not naive about what teens get up to (thanks to working in sixth form college for 10 years) one is always the designated driver and the other just isn't fussed and would rather have her girlfriends round for movies and gossip with snacks.

OTOH, a friend was horrified when she saw me offer my kids this Sunday wine once. She's an alcoholic and swore that her kid would never be offered booze at home. Unfortunately this massively backfired and her dc is now heavily into drugs and booze despite witnessing his mum's difficulties. Our kids go to the same school so it's not like they're experiencing massive social differences.

OP I would be surprised if you hadn't had a difficult relationship with alcohol. And that's not to say that kids who are totally shielded from it will be completely OK with booze also. But I think there's a lot to do with how you're brought up and the people around you's relationship with booze.