Parents giving me alcohol young

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I'm in my 30s and having counselling atm for matters in my past from childhood and beyond that have effected my self-esteem and relationships with others. Looking back I had such an unhealthy relationship with alcohol in my teens and early 20s however I think this was down to my parents.

At bbqs at their friends or parties or get togethers at pubs my parents used to buy me vodka and orange juices. I don't remember asking for alcohol but felt grown up and drank them. Often I would get pretty drunk and felt so hungover the next day. They would buy me alcohol for parties at 15 upwards and I'd get drunk at friends houses. My dad himself loves drinking and going out. Always have been the first there and last to leave. You could never question him as he would become confrontational. I'd often be at bbqs watching my parents get very drunk, rolling on the floor laughing. Sometimes sleeping because they were so drunk. Throwing up in the mornings.
Then when I was 18 and could go out clubbing I didn't know my limits I would get blackout drunk and often put myself in dodgy situations that I'm lucky that nothing ever happened to me. Every weekend I would be out getting drunk, waking up and regretting how drunk I'd been.
Now I have DC and I hardly ever get drunk. I don't like the feeling of that control loss, hate hangovers. I continue to watch my dad still go out whenever he can to get drunk. I think he has a problem if I'm honest. Now I have had DC I just think why did you give me so much alcohol and why did you get so drunk that you didn't really care about us. I'd hate for my DS to see me drunk.
Don't know what the point of this post is but I guess I wondered if I weren't alone and if anyone else's parents behaved in this way and you ended up having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol?

I don't think it's the fact your friend said she wasn't giving her kids alcohol was the issues that her children had with alcohol later on in life. Its probably the fact she's an alcoholic and all the issues that stem from this as they have grown up. Children need good role models in their lives

It can go both ways. Parents allowing a small amount in teenage years can help, e.g. a small glass of wine with dinner. It takes the novelty away and often helps them learn limits for example when allowing them a second if they ask on a Friday night at 16 and them waking up with a headache and explaining thats the alcohol. When I turned 18, it was the ones with the super militant parents that went crazy, got blackout and put themselves in bad situations.

You had the other direction where it wasn't as if you were allowed some, they basically plied you with it. You were never in the situation of asking for an extra one then feeling a bit off and understanding a limit, you were just given it and drunk.

I was allowed small amounts, never really got that drunk, don't drink at home now, it's not uncommon for me to go months without alcohol without realising it.

I had the experience of growing up with strict tea-total parents who painted the imagine of the pub as a bad place and alcohol as a terrible thing. I think this input made me cautious but once at uni I drank way too much and alcohol was front and centre for several years. Upon reflection I had no sensible role models for alcohol. I hid my behaviour from my parents so at least it didn't get worse at home. Once into my late 20s/early 30s I cut back completely, it was just no good for me.

I want my kids to have a more moderate view of alcohol but crucially to understand (once old enough) that anything used to excess is probably being used to mask important feelings. It's impotent to have friends and family around you that you can talk to and be honest with and not avoid these feelings via booze, drugs, food whatever.

Good luck OP, your feelings are valid and I hope you find peace.

Tbh my mum was super strict in all other aspects of my life so its funny how they let me drink alcohol. But most of the time it was in her presence.