How common is actual ’romance’?

[IsThereAnEchoInHere]

Like love letters.

Romantic dates - silent walks, fireplace, I don't mean hotel room and a shag.

Just being without pressure to have sex.

Suprise holidays

kind word, not about look, about personality

etc

@Suprima

I'm saying that I think your advice is rubbish, and very discouraging.

Lets not get into a discussion about it.

He sounds like my mum.

Ok- handing over to you to provide some practical advice to the OP instead of @-ing me.

Discussion over!

You may be a romantic asexual, which is rare. Asexual people are estimated to make up about 1% of all people, and those with a heteroromantic orientation about 40% of that 1%

So yes, it may be very tricky to find others that view romance the way you do

We are a fairly romantic couple. Every day we compliment each other and he calls me beautiful or tells me I am beautiful all the time. I tell him how handsome I think he is etc. We go on nights away together spontaneously, dinner dates just the two of us and we hold hands all the time and kiss regularly. The kids roll their eyes when I sit on his lap lol but that is a them issue. I do wake up most mornings and realise how lucky I am to have found him.

All I think about tbf 😻

I think that talking about rarity isn't very useful in this sort of situation. The fact is that compatible people are rare for all of us. There are lots of nice people. There are lots of people who are nearly compatible, but not quite (hence all the struggling relationships where things are often good but just not quite good enough, regardless of how much they try), but it's rare for all of us to find someone with whom we can genuinely be ourselves and be happy and fully accepted. It is hard for all of us to find that elusive 'good match'.

There's really no need to single out OP and people like her. There are enough. But like everyone else, you have to look in the right places, and be in the right place within yourself. And those are the things you can do something about.

@Watchkeys Always interesting to read your replies, I learn something new by reading them.

What would be a right place, an example?

Or what would that right place within oneself feel like?

I agree that OP shouldn't take advice of those who are committed to misunderstanding her.

I don't know where the right place is for OP to meet her match. She knows what she likes, where she feels comfortable, what she wants etc. It's a bit like saying 'Where is the right place for someone to find food cooked in exactly the way they want?' We all just have to go and have a look round, find places we feel comfortable, places we don't and hone it until we spend most of our time in places we like.

As for the right place within yourself... it's the place where you don't feel faulty or deficient. That's pretty much it, really. Being happy with yourself means that you put less importance on having a partner in the first place. Who cares about romance, when you can have a lovely day walking in the woods and a perfect evening with a glass of wine, gazing at the stars? (or whatever else tickles your doodah)

Thank you for this @Watchkeys ❤ , I'm not the OP yet I can learn something as well from people's answers. much appreciated

I get the odd thing

Dp and I don't live together. If I stay and have to go to work and he's working from home he gets up whilst I'm showering and makes me a lunch......he will the message later to say to eat it (I'm notorious for not bothering eating lunch). Just a little thoughtful thing he does

Some of the stuff being described on this thread sounds horrifically clichéd. As a PP says, there is no 'one size fits all romance'. I couldn't deal with 'cute notes', I'm fussy about flowers, both variety and provenance, and I hate chocolate. Anyone who didn't regard Valentine's Day with appropriate disdain is not for me. And I like sex very much, so outside of certain situations like where I'm just too exhausted, I'm at least as much up for sex as the other person, so I don't actually want dates without the 'pressure to have sex', because I would want the sex.

On the other hand, absolutely I've had romantic gestures from DH and past partners --long letters, flying in from another country just for a day to be together, searching London for the last of the season's blood oranges, because I adore them, booking a lighthouse for a weekend because I love them, getting access to a locked, derelict building because I said I'd always wanted to see the elaborate plaster ceilings, when I was too unwell to do a planned walking tour and was as weak as a kitten, driving me around the Cotswolds to see medieval wall paintings in churches etc etc.

I spent a lot of my 20s in relationships without romance and convinced myself I wasn’t into it.

Then I realised I am, but it’s not just up to the man to create it. If you want something, go for it.

Almost every date we have is quite ‘romantic’, whether it’s kissing in an empty rose garden, sitting together in a beautiful isolated place for hours, making out by the fireplace, going for a picnic with swoon worthy views, having a beautiful venue just for the 2 of us… Sometimes when you want to experience these kinds of things, you’ve got to talk to your partner, see what they like and both of you can make it happen. I don’t have a problem pushing him against a wall in a scenic place and stealing a kiss, same as he often would do. If you want something, go for it, you only live once.

I truly feel like even if my relationship doesn’t last forever, it is worth it for the experiences we share, how we are open about what we both want, and the things we say to each other without hidden agenda.