Is excessive body hair revolting?

[DefinitelyNCforThisOne]

Just read the other thread on this board about shaving pubic hair in a new relationship and the consensus seems to be that most men don't care (kindly confirmed by two men on that thread), shouldn't care and you should only do it for yourself. Makes a lot of sense and I totally agree.

The reality is though that most hairy women do spend (pain filled) time, effort and money on removing their hair and I don't think most of them do it just for themselves.

I was wondering though (but didn't want to derail the other thread or talk about my own issues) about where people set the limit. If a little landing strip is ok what about a full bush? What about a hairy backside? What about hairy arms, backs, underarms, legs and face? What about a proper beard?

My own situation is that I have very dark, very, (very!!) thick hair, am light skinned (so it's very obvious) and well, I am hairier than a grizzly bear. I have spent much time in my life trying to remove it or hide it or just feeling embarrassed about it. Women from my ethnic background tend to be hairier (or maybe because of our dark hair it just shows more) but culturally, it doesn't seem that common to remove all of it all the time and it seems slightly more acceptable (though things are changing..).

When I was younger I was generally considered to be quite good looking and none of my boyfriends seemed to mind (including dh thankfully). I have always removed the hair off my legs, underarms, nipples, upper lip, lower lip and neck and trimmed pubic hair. I didn't do any of this for myself. I did it so I don't look like a freak. So that I'm not judged (by both men and women) and considered presentable.

I've had laser hair removal done on some parts of my body, which has made it easier but I just can't be bothered to remove the hair on my arms, the rest of my face, my shoulders, my backside, etc. I have just consigned myself to the fact that in the UK I wouldn't be considered attractive (now as I'm ageing it doesn't trouble me anymore) and if dh and me would ever split I'd never find anyone here who would be ok with all this hair. It's hypothetical and it really doesn't bother me anymore though I do worry about my young DD (who has inherited my grizzliness) getting bullied or feeling ugly, self conscious or inadequate.

TLDR: My question really is can the majority of people feel attracted to a woman with obvious excessive body hair? Would you judge (or pity) a woman / girl or consider them to be ugly, strange or shabby if they had a lot of body hair?

Why are you using such awful, denigrating language to describe what is just, hair?

Keep it, take it off, whatever you want to do, it's your body and nobody else's opinion on it matters.

It’s personal preference. Yes, there’s a lot of social conditioning about body hair on women being unattractive - but the people who feel that way are just not people you’re compatible with. Plenty of men and women either have no particular feelings either way or find some hair attractive - and they’re the people you’re compatible with. It’s the same for any other physical feature.

I think your situation sounds tough OP, as social conditioning means that excess noticeable hair is not seen as acceptable generally, not just in romantic / sexual situations.

That's different I think from the argument about removal of body hair eg pubic / legs which is more about personal preference.

It's a shame you've felt this pressure & that it is a significant issue for you (time, cost etc)

I think you are unfortunately correct - women with very dark and noticeable hair will tend to be judged on that, societally.

Body hair is normal and natural. Please don't let your daughter be influenced by misogynistic social conditioning.

I’ve got an extremely rare form of congenital hypertrichosis which means I have excess hair all over my body - everywhere except the palms of my hands and my feet. It would be a full time job getting rid of it all although mine is unpigmented so you have to get quite close to notice. Only one person has ever asked about it with genuine curiosity so I told them all the details. Other people make shitty comments. I got bullied mercilessly at school for it.

the older I get the less of a shit I give about other peoples opinions so if I notice it’s getting a bit long ill do something about it especially on my face but I can’t have mine lasered so it depends on me remembering or caring enough to do it. When I first met my DH and it was getting serious I explained about the condition and explained that sometimes I can’t be arsed to shave it off and it would be visible much of the time so he could decide if it was something that bothered him or not.

I refuse to shave despite doing lots of sport including swimming. Maybe people judge, I chose not to care. Particularly with regards to men, I find it an excellent arsehole filter. If someone is insecure enough that they my choices to be a criticism of their choices, I don't want to be friends with them because they're probably a pain in the arse in many other ways too.

This is exactly my question. It's very easy to say that people should just accept you the way you are and if they don't you aren't compatible but in reality how often do you see women with very noticeable facial hair or other very hairy body parts? If it was really no big deal why do so many of us make an effort to get rid of it especially considering that it's not easy, quick or free? I don't know a single woman (especially not from my ethnic background and living in the UK) who doesn't remove at least some of their hair.

Yes, of course, no one holds a gun against your head and forces you to do it but I do feel that especially in the UK there is a lot of social pressure to remove your hair. Yes, if you don't most people (ie adults) will be polite and kind enough to not say anything but my question is would it influence on how attractive or presentable you are rated. Would you find it attractive? (Not in a sexual way necessarily...just generally). Whether that matters is a different question and as I said with age I don't really care anymore and I'm comfortable in my own skin.

I'd love for more women to just let all their hair grow so at least at some point it would be normalised and there would be no social cost. It would then just truly be a matter of fashion or personal preference as it is for men. But that's not where we are today.

How? I can't stop other kids from making comments. I can't stop her from noticing that she is the only girl in her class who has got noticeable hair on her upper lip and legs.

Of course I tell her that it's normal and natural.

It’s just hair, we all have it to varying degrees. I don’t really care about another person’s hair. If a woman wants to keep some leg hair or armpit hair then whatever, none of my business.

It’s the same as “is being overweight revolting?” or “will I ever meet somebody because I’m flat chested and have no bum?” Yes, it will rule out some people who don’t find those body types attractive; but there will be other people who are either actively attracted to large builds or thin athletic builds who it won’t rule out. You either learn to be happy about the second part, or you don’t.

It's social conditioning, but the number of people who actually give a shit is fairly small.

Some people do seem to have a visceral disgust of body hair but I don't think that should be extrapolated to the whole of society.

I remember on here years ago, a poster said that seeing women at a swimming pool with "spiders legs poking out of their swimsuit" made her feel physically sick. Now yes, conventionally we're expected to "groom" so that pubic hair isn't visible but she was clearly bonkers.

I don't really ever notice women's body hair (albeit that could be down to it being so ubiquitous for it to be removed). I did my first leg shave since probably last June at the weekend as I was going out in shorts and made a terrible job of it with big patches of hair everywhere. I felt really self conscious but I doubt anyone else actually noticed.

And honestly, when I’m at the gym (and I go to the proper “we’re going hard or we’re going home” type of gym, not the sort full of Instagrammers wafting around with a photographer buddy in hot pursuit) I see plenty of women with armpit hair and who otherwise clearly aren’t giving too many shits about things like that.

One of my oldest friends is half spanish and through the whole of school was bullied for being hairy. I swore I'd never judge anyone else for their body hair, and haven't. I find it really positive to see women walking around with hairy legs or armpits if that's what they want - I like that it seems less of a "thing" than it did when I was a teenager. I certainly don't obsess over mine - I swim several times a week and only shave my pits and legs once in a blue moon. I don't care what people think if they see it. Boyfriend couldn't care less either. The only thing I do is get my PCOS beard electrolysised off - that stops me feeling feminine for some reason, and because I'm fair skinned with dark chin hair, it actually looks like I've not had a wash if it's not maintained!

As for men, I prefer them hairy. Chest, back, whatever - I like it.

There is a movement not to remove hair - several pretty big influencers don’t. Harnaam Kaur, Giorgia Soleri, Queen Esie… admittedly a lot of my friends and the circles I move in are arty London creatives but I know several women who don’t shave. Personally I decided a couple of years ago not to remove any body hair. I trim the bush sometimes but have hairy legs and pits. I’m also of Mediterranean descent with dark thick hair. My partner finds me very attractive, and I don’t care what anyone else might think

I agree with everyone else - in that it's your body so its no one elses business if you choose to remove body hair or not.
And Yes - everyone has preferences when it comes to finding people attractive - in the same way, some men like curvier girls - others prefer slim, or darker or lighter skin colour and a dozen other attributes partners will either find attractive - or not - or not have a preference over. That's just the way it is.

From your daughters point if view - I do think the debate about removing hair is very much alive with younger people at the moment. So you might find she doesn't feel quite the amount of pressure you clearly did - to remove excess hair. I know my 2 daughters (15 & 18) dont remove any body hair at all and they are both happy that way and still wear shorts - strappy t-shirts etc - they really dont care (and neither do I!)

Keep it, take it off, whatever you want to do, it's your body and nobody else's opinion on it matters

See, this is all very well and good - but the reality is that people do judge, and people do say/feel that a lot of hair is 'disgusting'.

I am of Greek heritage and always felt really hairy growing up, although I see now that was going through puberty earlier than my peers. I would shave my legs every day in the shower, underarms and my arms as well, just in case a boy brushed up against me and called me a hairy beast or whatever. It did affect me, and no amounts of 'it's your body, do what you want' would have changed that I felt embarrassed and upset about it.

As a grown adult, hair on me or others doesn't bother me at all. Do what you want and prosper. But I can understand how old habits die hard (why do I still shave my legs in the summer?! No one sees them under my maxi dresses and even if they did, so what?!) especially when you've borne the brunt of other people's unkindness.

(I am continually perplexed about waxing buttholes though. Who is noticing their own butthole, or what sort of men are noticing and commenting?!)

I used to have a very hairy body and a lot of head hair- fine,straight but loads of it

i hated it as a teen- tired everything including pumicing my arms, shaving arms as well as legs etc

i accepted it as adult and just stuck to leg, and armpit removal . Husband never made any comments at all even if I let my pits grow out in winter 🤷🏼‍♀️

and in perimenopause it started to thin. I’m menopausal and by and large as bald as a coot - trouble is that includes thinned hair on my head.

you win some, you loose some 🤣🤣

I think you need to do you, let your daughter figure it herself, don’t judge others, don’t do ianything with hair to please anyone else. Just do what you feel comfortable with.

Put cream on, clean teeth and wash basin, get in shower…hair disappears down the plug hole. Surely apart from buying the cream it’s not that arduous if you want to get rid of it?

This is such an interesting thread. I am also pale with dark body hair. I am in my late thirties and feeling increasingly frustrated with myself that I STILL can't bear the idea of being seen with hair where women are taught they shouldn't (bikini line, legs, pits, face, tummy and nips). I want to rebel but feel unable to. I feel really unhappy with anything more than 24 hours leg growth on my legs (prob 1/2 a mm) as it's visible and also I can feel it. Even my children complain about my spiky legs! The ironic thing is that they wouldn't be spiky if I didn't shave them.

Ideally I want to naturally hair free, so dislike that I have to either remove OR be hairy. I don't like my options.

But I'm annoyed by the social construct that I should be hair free. How fucking unfair is that?? It's time consuming, awkward to do if camping etc. I am embarrassed in a swimming costume because you can still see the little black buggers under the skin even if my skin is shaved smooth. Maybe I should wax, but that's beyond my level of effort.

I'm jealous that men just wake up and are beach/pool/summer ready whilst I'm faffing on shaving and plucking.

Not sure what I'm adding really except I feel like maybe times are changing and we are at least discussing it more. I feel like if I did rebel then I would have some understanding from some people.

I'm also have the exact same conversation with myself about grey hair. But that's for another time.

For some reason I find hairy arms very sexy, also in women. I regret not having visible hair on my underarms, although I keep my legs, armpits hairfree. I have only a bit of a clean-up around what you could call the bikini-line.
A female friend of Turkish descent is having her whole body lasered now. I have told her to leave her underarms alone, but I doubt she will.
Everybody has other ideas about hair. Do what you like and do not suffer pain/costs for the approval of people who don't even know you.

@Okshacky hair removal cream really hurts if you have even slightly sensitive skin. And it stinks. And you’re missing the point of the thread - why are people judging those who don’t want to get rid of hair - because there is definitely a section of society that does.

Even the thread title is judgmental - what determines excessive body hair

@PauliesWalnuts if you have sensitive skin and you are wanting to remove hair then the method described and subsequent comments weren’t for your situation. For the rest of the hairy and wanting to remove it as I said that’s not really that big a deal. Nobody cares and you can choose whatever suits you, your hair and skin type.

I think as long as hair is well groomed, clean and neat, nothing else really matters.

Any man who commented on too much or too little wouldn't be welcome back. Shallow men aren't worth the bother.

I have an average amount of body hair I would say.
My husband loves a hairy woman. He’d prefer it if I kept all my body hair, but I prefer to remove most.
I think a lot of men would keep this preference private, initially.