Why did men only want sex from me?

Coconutsandpalmtrees · 2023-06-14T18:10:54+00:00

When I did online dating, men only wanted sex from me. Nothing more. The only 'dates' they offered were hookups. Obviously I didn't accept. It gets me down to this day. What could have been the reason?

FinallyHere · 14/06/2023 19:20

What indeed.

CreationNat1on · 14/06/2023 19:20

The reason is most men consider all dating apps as hook up apps, sorta like a swingers paradise. They all think women know this and if they are on the apps the women are up for it.

It's not you, it's them.

PaintedEgg · 14/06/2023 19:25

online dating seems to be mostly for hook-ups.

I've never tried this, but mostly because of horrible track record everyone I know had with dating apps. At best it will end up in mediocre hook up, at worst they will try to steal your wallet

MaxwellCat · 14/06/2023 19:25

That does sound unusual that all men you speak to are wanting hook ups only. What apps are you using?

Original poster

Coconutsandpalmtrees · 14/06/2023 19:31

MaxwellCat · 14/06/2023 19:25

That does sound unusual that all men you speak to are wanting hook ups only. What apps are you using?

Bumble and tinder. I don't use them anymore.

OP posts:

LadyH846 · 14/06/2023 19:31

It's about dating apps, trust me.

Even the men who claim to be looking for a relationship will try to bed you asap.

Original poster

Coconutsandpalmtrees · 14/06/2023 19:32

FinallyHere · 14/06/2023 19:20

What indeed.

Not really sure what you mean by that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Coconutsandpalmtrees · 14/06/2023 19:38

What I really can't understand is that these men have had girlfriends in the past but they just wanted sex from me. I don't understand it.

OP posts:

guineacup · 14/06/2023 19:39

PaintedEgg · 14/06/2023 19:25

online dating seems to be mostly for hook-ups.

I've never tried this, but mostly because of horrible track record everyone I know had with dating apps. At best it will end up in mediocre hook up, at worst they will try to steal your wallet

The vast majority of 35+ women on dating sites, including Tinder ARE NOT looking for hook-ups. Most are very clear about this in their bio.

Loverofoxbowlakes · 14/06/2023 19:39

Coconutsandpalmtrees · 14/06/2023 19:31

Bumble and tinder. I don't use them anymore.

Show quote history

Tinder is the most hook-up of hook-up sites there is!

I know 2 couples who met online dating and many more people who have had success. You have to invest a bit more into choosing a site, maybe pay a membership fee.

Tinder indeed!

samestyle · 14/06/2023 19:39

I find a lot of men in my age group already have kids and lots of hobbies so a relationship seems to be the least of their priorities, not come across any outright hookups only though, I avoid the ones that state casual on the profile and choose ones I judge to be more intellectual, even so, no one's yet made it past a first date.
I don't mention anything sexual, I don't give my number out easily so that also bores the players quickly.

PeterLemonJello · 14/06/2023 19:40

Did you give up on them for this reason? @Coconutsandpalmtrees

warmmfeet · 14/06/2023 19:42

You really have to use a paid dating app to meet men who might be looking for something more serious. Sad but true.

napody · 14/06/2023 19:48

Coconutsandpalmtrees · 14/06/2023 19:38

What I really can't understand is that these men have had girlfriends in the past but they just wanted sex from me. I don't understand it.

You're taking it way too personally.
Even if they'd had serious relationships before, and even if they will again, you probably crossed paths when they were in the 'kid in a candy store' OLD hookup phase.

PaintedEgg · 14/06/2023 20:02

guineacup · 14/06/2023 19:39

The vast majority of 35+ women on dating sites, including Tinder ARE NOT looking for hook-ups. Most are very clear about this in their bio.

Show quote history

i think the issue is that while women in this age range may be looking for relationships, nobody else on these apps is :/ and i no way this is a criticism towards these women, its just that apps seem almost like online version of clubs. you're more likely to catch STD than a long term partner

WunWun · 14/06/2023 20:03

That's what the vast majority of men on dating apps want.

WunWun · 14/06/2023 20:06

I'm so over dating apps.

I've never heard of a woman in her 40s (like me, not presuming the OP is) meeting someone on a dating app and finding love/living happily ever after. I don't think it happens except to a tiny few.

Vretz · 14/06/2023 20:47

It's pretty demotivating to be on an app knowing the women you are matching with have 100s of men matched, who are blindly swiping right indiscriminately.

The whole concept of OLD apps is broken. I'd agree they have become something to pass the time, and speaking as a man, it's pot luck if you match with a woman who actually engages you in a stimulating conversation. There are quite a few who almost expect you to "audition" with little reciprocation.

I think most men looking for something serious have long given up with bumble/tinder.

supercali77 · 14/06/2023 20:51

I wouldnt bother with paid - its no better ime, its just the same men paying 15 quid a month. Hinge was good because you didn't just match, someone had to say something about your profile. My only advice is to vet people mercilessly.

Original poster

Coconutsandpalmtrees · 14/06/2023 20:54

Vretz · 14/06/2023 20:47

It's pretty demotivating to be on an app knowing the women you are matching with have 100s of men matched, who are blindly swiping right indiscriminately.

The whole concept of OLD apps is broken. I'd agree they have become something to pass the time, and speaking as a man, it's pot luck if you match with a woman who actually engages you in a stimulating conversation. There are quite a few who almost expect you to "audition" with little reciprocation.

I think most men looking for something serious have long given up with bumble/tinder.

Then how do the men who are looking for something serious meet people?

OP posts:

Vretz · 14/06/2023 21:28

@Coconutsandpalmtrees every situation is a potential opportunity. I'll start conversations in supermarkets, pubs, bars and join groups/clubs.

Meetup is good. As are facebook social groups with walking/activity events.

guineacup · 14/06/2023 21:42

Vretz · 14/06/2023 20:47

It's pretty demotivating to be on an app knowing the women you are matching with have 100s of men matched, who are blindly swiping right indiscriminately.

The whole concept of OLD apps is broken. I'd agree they have become something to pass the time, and speaking as a man, it's pot luck if you match with a woman who actually engages you in a stimulating conversation. There are quite a few who almost expect you to "audition" with little reciprocation.

I think most men looking for something serious have long given up with bumble/tinder.

But most of those men won't be appealing... I'm a man, and I only swipe on those who I genuinely might like, and I've not had any particular issues matching and meeting interesting and attractive women. Any man who swipes on everyone regardless is very desperate and unlikely to be a good catch.

Vretz · 14/06/2023 22:00

@guineacup I agree with you that it's not impossible, but it's just you're reliant on decent women also not being disillusioned with it all.

I met my ex-DP on bumble, and I was with her for 2yrs. The OP asked where most men who are serious about things are, and as you say, most men on OLD won't be appealing.

If you're an appealing man on OLD, meeting a lot of attractive and interesting women, you're not going to be on there long. That's the point.

If OP wants to meet lots of appealing men, those men won't be sitting on OLD swiping for hours. They'll be doing other things.

Opentooffers · 14/06/2023 23:03

Are you reading their bio before talking to them on bumble? You pick who to chat to, so if they are all after sex, maybe you are swiping right based on their pic alone, so picking the wrong ones?

YellowTiger · 15/06/2023 00:46

Vretz · 14/06/2023 20:47

It's pretty demotivating to be on an app knowing the women you are matching with have 100s of men matched, who are blindly swiping right indiscriminately.

The whole concept of OLD apps is broken. I'd agree they have become something to pass the time, and speaking as a man, it's pot luck if you match with a woman who actually engages you in a stimulating conversation. There are quite a few who almost expect you to "audition" with little reciprocation.

I think most men looking for something serious have long given up with bumble/tinder.

100% this.

I've long since given up using dating apps for the reasons you mention. When you try to make your profile as good as it can be with nice photos etc, send interesting, friendly and non-creepy first messages to try and prompt conversation, but get very little back, it can definitely make you feel like 'what's the point?' Particularly when you realise, as you say, that any matches you do get are likely women who have 100s of other matches. The balance is definitely in favour of females (and all power to you, ladies), but I think an increasing number of men realise just how futile it really is.

It's ironic in a way, because nobody seems to have a particularly great time on OLD. Women talk about the number of creeps on there, whilst lots of men talk about how hard it is to even get noticed and how demoralising that can be.

Personally, I think the 'old fashioned' way of joining groups, taking part in activities etc, has returned to being the best way of meeting someone - for both men and women. OLD only seems to work for a very small % of people - or at least, a much smaller number than the amount of people actually using them!