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Original poster

Why did men only want sex from me?

49 replies

Coconutsandpalmtrees · 14/06/2023 19:10

When I did online dating, men only wanted sex from me. Nothing more. The only 'dates' they offered were hookups. Obviously I didn't accept. It gets me down to this day.

What could have been the reason?

OP posts:
Hawkins0001 · 15/06/2023 01:06

I've always prefer getting to know people through friends etc, see how their personality is where possible then see if the intrigue happens, as with online dating you never know who they truly are, although the same could be said for friends of friends.

Meepme · 15/06/2023 02:48

I keep saying OLD is over now. Years back it was something cool and quirky and a lot of people did meet life partners/decent partners. But now all it seems like are jaded women and men who just want casual sex. @Coconutsandpalmtrees it's really not you. I have pals of different styles/spectrums yet all get this from men on the apps!

porridgeisbae · 15/06/2023 03:28

Men being men.

I think ones that are decent are relatively rare.

GreyCarpet · 15/06/2023 07:06

I did online dating about 8-10 years ago for a bit.

I did date a bit and didn't only get men who were looking for hookups but they treated it like the Argos catalogue where they believed they could get anything they wanted.

My experience was different to yours, OP, in that I was a size 10 and I didn't meet a single man who didn't, at some point, suggest I lose weight or intimate that I wasn't pretty or young enough. Despite my age and photos of my face being clearly visible on my profile.

Different problem, same root cause.

Why would your takeaway from this be that it's you?

Ticrosoftmeams · 15/06/2023 07:30

i think the issue is that while women in this age range may be looking for relationships, nobody else on these apps is :/

That's not true. Many men on there aren't looking for a relationship but plenty are. You just have to weed out the ones looking only for sex, it's very easy to do if you maintain your own boundaries and use your instincts.

Speaking for my partner and I who met on Tinder 7 years ago, we were both cajoled into joining by our respective friends who felt we'd been single long enough! So we'd both had a "if it happens it happens" attitutide and didn't go to the expense of a paid service because if it. As it happens, it happened 😊

MySoCalledWife · 15/06/2023 07:37

That’s great 🙂, but 7 years is a long time ago

the world changes

7 years ago people still posted on Facebook , and eBay still had bargains 😁

just an example

trstevodenvr · 15/06/2023 13:20

MySoCalledWife · 15/06/2023 07:37

That’s great 🙂, but 7 years is a long time ago

the world changes

7 years ago people still posted on Facebook , and eBay still had bargains 😁

just an example

Well, my 22 year old son is in an exclusive relationship with a fabulous women he met on there 6m ago.

Human nature doesn't really change

Thisisworsethananticpated · 15/06/2023 14:05

Tinder is the most hook-up of hook-up sites there is!

nah , you havnt tried FEELD !

Watchkeys · 15/06/2023 14:10

Coconutsandpalmtrees · 14/06/2023 19:38

What I really can't understand is that these men have had girlfriends in the past but they just wanted sex from me. I don't understand it.

It's not personal. You're looking at the men who want sex and asking why they want sex. It's because they do, and that's their prerogative. Wouldn't you think they were a bit weird if they were posting on forums asking why women keep wanting relationships?

Keep looking, look harder, look elsewhere.

If you think this is about you, get that sorted out before you date.

TreesandFish · 15/06/2023 14:24

Do you make it really clear in your profile that you want s serious relationship? In Bumble, you must have been the one who initiated the conversations, did you pick guys who clearly said they are not looking for a hook up?

I've had mixed success with all apps, but there's a clear type of man who is just looking for sex and I simply don't select them

For me anyone with a shirtless picture is a no. Anyone who mentions drama is another no.

Other pet hates are: pictures of fish, mentions that they are only looking for pretty girls, pictures with children, pictures with no description of themselves and many more

guineacup · 15/06/2023 15:03

Tinder is the most hook-up of hook-up sites there is!

It really isn't... a very small proportion of women are looking for hook ups.

Original poster
Coconutsandpalmtrees · 15/06/2023 15:10

TreesandFish · 15/06/2023 14:24

Do you make it really clear in your profile that you want s serious relationship? In Bumble, you must have been the one who initiated the conversations, did you pick guys who clearly said they are not looking for a hook up?

I've had mixed success with all apps, but there's a clear type of man who is just looking for sex and I simply don't select them

For me anyone with a shirtless picture is a no. Anyone who mentions drama is another no.

Other pet hates are: pictures of fish, mentions that they are only looking for pretty girls, pictures with children, pictures with no description of themselves and many more

Yes I made it very clear that I wanted a relationship in my bio. I never swiped anyone who said they were looking for something casual.

OP posts:
jimmyjammy001 · 15/06/2023 15:23

What did you write in your about me section?

TreesandFish · 15/06/2023 15:40

Yes I made it very clear that I wanted a relationship in my bio. I never swiped anyone who said they were looking for something casual

at what point do you notice they only want you for sex? Is there any sort of pattern? Flirting too soon? or commenting purely on your pictures?

TreesandFish · 15/06/2023 15:48

Hawkins0001 · 15/06/2023 01:06

I've always prefer getting to know people through friends etc, see how their personality is where possible then see if the intrigue happens, as with online dating you never know who they truly are, although the same could be said for friends of friends.

I think most of us do as well. I have not ever heard anyone say "I would prefer to meet someone online rather than organically". Unfortunately, this seems to be more and more difficult to find suitable single men via friends. In the 8 years I have been single, there's only been one occasion when a friend has introduced me to someone. It seems that most men my age are either married or happily single, or not friends of my friends :-)

Watchkeys · 15/06/2023 16:36

Make some new friends @TreesandFish ?

TreesandFish · 15/06/2023 17:28

Watchkeys · 15/06/2023 16:36

Make some new friends @TreesandFish ?

I am forever trying, but it is not so easy when you are mid-50s and work from home full time and very long hours. I do have great friends, but they associate with nice men, who are all married! :-)

Watchkeys · 15/06/2023 17:38

If you've no time to make new friends, you've no time to have a relationship!

TreesandFish · 15/06/2023 17:58

I don't understand your point. I make new friends with people I like as friends. I don't vet them on the basis of having single eligible male friends. That would be a bonus but so far it has not happened and that's fine. The men I meet via OLD are ok, definitely not looking just for sex.

In any case, we are derailing the OPs thread.

Blushingm · 15/06/2023 19:43

I met DP on tinder just over a year ago

Neither wanted just a hook up

Original poster
Coconutsandpalmtrees · 15/06/2023 22:28

TreesandFish · 15/06/2023 15:40

Yes I made it very clear that I wanted a relationship in my bio. I never swiped anyone who said they were looking for something casual

at what point do you notice they only want you for sex? Is there any sort of pattern? Flirting too soon? or commenting purely on your pictures?

They would start making sexual comments. Sometimes I went on a normal date and then it would quickly become clear they were only after sex. They wanted to come over to my place straight away.

OP posts:
Siwa · 15/06/2023 23:37

Because if they try with 20 and get one easy girl, then it keeps them in that pattern.

TreesandFish · 16/06/2023 07:14

They would start making sexual comments. Sometimes I went on a normal date and then it would quickly become clear they were only after sex. They wanted to come over to my place straight away.

That sounds bad. Sorry. I guess you are super attractive and those idiots can't control themselves. Maybe it's time to take a break from OLD and see if you can meet someone in real life. Have you tried speed dating? I was reluctant but once I tried, I found it quite fun

Meepme · 18/06/2023 05:59

@Coconutsandpalmtrees

It could be anything really. A friend of mine is super sexy and her chat is always very flirty so men assume it's just sex. Other friends are less flirty, look a bit less sexy yet men still overstep. I just think men were trying their luck with you and perhaps they knew you'd not be interested in them as a relationship and thought they would just try and hope.

I think you are feeling like it defines you, ie you think it means you aren't good enough to be a girlfriend. But it really doesn't mean that. Hopefully you find someone decent in the real world.

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