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Original poster

Husband suddenly into his appearance and facial hair!!

52 replies

Ginandgardening · 14/06/2023 17:49

My husband of 20+ years has suddenly started paying much more attention to his appearance and also letting his stubble grow/ growing a beard. A friend joked that he’s trying to impress someone as men grow facial hair when they want to appear more masculine. Now I’m worried he’s tempted by one of his lovely young work colleagues as he has started spending more time with them in a new role. He has no history of unfaithfulness. Is growing facial hair really a ‘thing’ when men want to appear attractive?! Should I be worried?

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 14/06/2023 17:50

Beards also cover up double chins..

Is he worried about ageism in his career at all

Whattodowithit88 · 14/06/2023 17:51

The script is coming, it’s shit, brace yourself.

Heronmunching · 14/06/2023 17:53

My husband of 20 ish years has also started with a beard .. I think it’s fashion and laziness and no more .. appearance monitoring may well just be awareness of aging … same with the exercising … I would need more evidence to jump to the conclusion of cheating

frozendaisy · 14/06/2023 18:09

Not on its own OP.

And is your H such a sex god a young employer would fall at his feet?

Seriously when you were 22 would a bearded oldie do it for you? Sometimes I think you can overegg how much of a prize your older partner is.

YoucancallmeKAREN · 14/06/2023 18:28

Some men think facial hair hides their ageing. It doesn't

NeverThatSerious · 14/06/2023 18:31

He may just fancy a change. Of course he may be up to no good but this alone wouldn’t have me running to the nearest divorce lawyer. If it’s combined with any other cheating red flags (getting more secretive with his phone, mentionitis (or suddenly not mentioning someone who used to come up a lot, having to work ‘late’ etc) then that would be cause for concern.

Magpiecomplex · 14/06/2023 18:36

For my DH the beard is laziness and hiding (he thinks) the double chin. Not done anything to make him look younger though, as it's snow white and he's only in his 40s.

Preps · 14/06/2023 18:39

I've had various times in life when I've had a bit of a makeover. New haircut/clothes/make up. It's usually a fresh start ( like a new job) or maybe feeling that I'm getting older that motivates it. I've never been unfaithful.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/06/2023 18:41

Just a change of facial hair? Are there really women out there who suddenly go wild for facial hair on an otherwise ordinary middle aged man? Have you never decided to change your hairstyle, smarten up your wardrobe, invest in decent timers and moisturisers, lose some weight, get fitter, anything like that, just because you wanted to feel better about yourself or were conscious of ageing? Would you have been upset to have been accused of cheating?

KinderCat · 14/06/2023 18:50

For mine it was less laziness, more he is was quite young looking (easily got mothered in his late 20s) so the beard was just to appear a bit older...
Then it stayed because of laziness 😂

But still I wouldn't say growing a beard is a sign of a wandering eye. Most men I have known have changed more at the suggestion of mates, laziness, belief they will hide weight gain or noticed people in their circle doing it and want to fit in. Unless there is something else going on like unexplained nights away, secretive with phone or loads of missing time I wouldn't worry.

RSintes · 14/06/2023 18:51

Cherchez la femme.....

guineacup · 14/06/2023 19:41

LTB - 100% he's cheating....

Or maybe not...

YRGAM · 14/06/2023 20:02

Whattodowithit88 · 14/06/2023 17:51

The script is coming, it’s shit, brace yourself.

You can't be serious 😂

Man grows a beard = he must be cheating

Please don't project

Ihaveoflate · 14/06/2023 20:15

It may or may not be an indication of anything nefarious. However, my husband starting shaving more when he was having an affair (at the request of the OW).

The other signs were buying new clothes, having his hair cut more regularly and trimming his pubes - all of which I put down to a midlife crisis. It was all so obvious with hindsight, but I (not unreasonably) trusted that he would never betray me in that way.

philautia · 14/06/2023 20:49

If it's just that he's growing a beard, I highly, highly doubt you have anything to worry about.

I went from blonde to brunette two years ago, it was a huge change! No cheating or intent of cheating, I promise!

GreyCarpet · 15/06/2023 07:18

I don't think minimising the OP,s concerns is doing anything to help or support her.

It's a tired cliche that men have affairs with much younger women at work. Plenty of women post on here having discovered that very thing so, whilst it might not be the correct assumption in every case, it's certainly not a silly concern.

And, yes, for whatever reason, many young women are flattered by the attentions of an older man 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also, women posting on here speaking from their own perspective isn't helpful. I'm 48. I work with a very attractive 29 year old man - good looking, dresses well, goes to the gym... I'm old enough to be his mum. I recognise the above but have absolutely no interest in him whatsoever - he's only a few years older than my son and, even if I did fancy him a bit, I'd have enough self awareness to know that he wouldn't be interested in a woman old enough to he his mum when he could probably have his pick of women his own age. Unfortunately, men don't think like that in the main.

OP, you say he is taking more care of his appearance in general. In what way? Is there anything else that concerns you?

Kimten · 15/06/2023 07:41

Facial hair puts years on men.
He's going in the opposite direction, if he's trying to looking younger.

I would keep an eye on him.
Say nothing yet.
If he follows through and steps out of line, then he'd be out the door, if it was up to me.

Harrypewter · 15/06/2023 09:36

Beards, people used to poke fun at the craziest teacher with a beard.
Yep, they still look shit.

Fattygettingthinner · 15/06/2023 09:39

frozendaisy · 14/06/2023 18:09

Not on its own OP.

And is your H such a sex god a young employer would fall at his feet?

Seriously when you were 22 would a bearded oldie do it for you? Sometimes I think you can overegg how much of a prize your older partner is.

This. I see it a lot with my colleagues wives. I work in a male dominated environment, with much socialising, they genuinely seem to think their troll like husbands can have any woman they wish. He just needs to be tempted and any young women will be his for the taking.

it is nearly always bullshit. Look at him objectively. Do you really think young women will risk their careers to be with him, that he’s that irresistible? Like really?

Lefteyetwitch · 15/06/2023 09:52

Or maybe just maybe he's decided to look after himself.

Do you do your eyebrows, eyelashes, make up, dye your hair?

If so who are you trying to jump on?

Preps · 15/06/2023 10:01

Fattygettingthinner · 15/06/2023 09:39

This. I see it a lot with my colleagues wives. I work in a male dominated environment, with much socialising, they genuinely seem to think their troll like husbands can have any woman they wish. He just needs to be tempted and any young women will be his for the taking.

it is nearly always bullshit. Look at him objectively. Do you really think young women will risk their careers to be with him, that he’s that irresistible? Like really?

Show quote history

I agree with you, but OTOH hand, it does happen.....a lot

Lefteyetwitch · 15/06/2023 10:05

Fattygettingthinner · 15/06/2023 09:39

This. I see it a lot with my colleagues wives. I work in a male dominated environment, with much socialising, they genuinely seem to think their troll like husbands can have any woman they wish. He just needs to be tempted and any young women will be his for the taking.

it is nearly always bullshit. Look at him objectively. Do you really think young women will risk their careers to be with him, that he’s that irresistible? Like really?

Show quote history

I get what you mean. In my work its the washed out slappers thinking a new hair cut and some make up is enough for the young males to give them a single look.
It's hilarious.

brunettemic · 15/06/2023 10:06

DH grew a beard because it’s cheaper (apparently), he CBA to shave every day and he often got large red bumps/spots and this stopped them.

Most of his department at work (teacher) are women, I doubt any of them care.

The thing is, he might be trying to have an affair, or he might just fancy a change of image to make him feel good about himself.

caringcarer · 15/06/2023 10:08

Magpiecomplex · 14/06/2023 18:36

For my DH the beard is laziness and hiding (he thinks) the double chin. Not done anything to make him look younger though, as it's snow white and he's only in his 40s.

😂😂

Bluebells1970 · 15/06/2023 10:08

Beards add on years rather than taking them off. DH was in hospital earlier this week and didn't shave for 3 days. He was soon passed the razor when arriving home! I think they're horribly unattractive on the majority of men, tbh, and it's laziness.