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Original poster

In love - he told me has genital warts

73 replies

Dilemma272 · 14/06/2023 14:16

So I know him for years (both in our 30s) and we were friends, but I was always into him . Now we are much closer with each other and I totally fell in love with him and he admitted he is into me too. We went on few dates and sparks fly. He is extremely kind, gentle soul. However, as the title states - he just told me yesterday that before we get intimate that he did catch genital warts caused by HPV 3/4 year ago. Got them removed and now he has them again (getting them removed again). He is happy to wait and not have sex until he is clear and obviously use protection. I am lost . I thought he could be the one, but I’m not sure what it means for our sex life and future . I know hpv is very common and it usually dissapear on its own, but what if warts developed ? Is it forever then? How can I protect myself? Can I be kissing him without fear or did I already catch it? Should I just let him go because of it😭?

OP posts:
L3ThirtySeven · 14/06/2023 20:17

RichardMarxisinnocent · 14/06/2023 18:13

Why are you so adamant that the OP wasn't bothered up to know? Perhaps she didn't know that buying the HPV vaccine was an option? I looked into it in my early 40s and thought NHS was the only option and thus I was far too old. I only found out after reading a thread on Mumsnet that private was an option when I was already over 45.

Show quote history

Me too. Thought I had missed out. Been too old since I found out I could have…

Henbags · 14/06/2023 20:24

The strain of HPV which causes genital warts is NOT the strain which causes cervical cancer, so don’t worry about that side of things.

Campervangirl · 14/06/2023 20:32

@TTiddlypomtiddlypom
Because he has warts. On his genitals. Spready ones

Howling, you nailed it 😂😂

CalistoNoSolo · 14/06/2023 20:58

SuspiciousDuck · 14/06/2023 17:20

The ick? Ffs this is such a pathetic juvenile reaction. People make mistakes and don’t have perfect bodies. He is being responsible now and you obviously like him. This doesn’t make him a bad or disgusting person. Imagine if the reaction to all imperfect bodies (mastectomy? Limb difference? Herpes? HIV?) was “eww” “ick” “you are not worth my love”.

Its not juvenile, its having standards. Someone with an std would give me instant ick. Just like really skinny men, really fat men, stupid men, hairless men, fussy men all give me the ick. It's not down to you or anyone else to dictate my preferences in a sexual partner.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/06/2023 21:05

The strain of HPV which causes genital warts is NOT the strain which causes cervical cancer, so don’t worry about that side of things

that’s really good to know , I truly didn’t know that

RantyAnty · 14/06/2023 21:08

Get the vaccine.
Wait until he has his willy warts removed and healed.

Commence bonking.

Kimalexandra · 14/06/2023 21:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

monte8 · 14/06/2023 21:40

Your GP won't be able to help you with the vaccine btw as it's not available on the NHS over a certain age. You can freely get the vaccine from many places privately.

LumpySpaceCow · 14/06/2023 21:48

RantyAnty · 14/06/2023 21:08

Get the vaccine.
Wait until he has his willy warts removed and healed.

Commence bonking.

This is what I would do!
This wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. He's been up front and honest and is allowing you to make an informed choice. Only you can decide if it's an issue for you or not.

cathyandclare · 14/06/2023 21:50

RantyAnty · 14/06/2023 21:08

Get the vaccine.
Wait until he has his willy warts removed and healed.

Commence bonking.

Wise words- that's what I'd do

akiwi · 15/06/2023 02:21

monte8 · 14/06/2023 21:40

Your GP won't be able to help you with the vaccine btw as it's not available on the NHS over a certain age. You can freely get the vaccine from many places privately.

yes the GP will help you. The GP will write a prescription and then you can get it in Boots paying for it (150 per dose, 3 doses)

monte8 · 15/06/2023 03:17

I'm a GP. We direct our patients to healthclinics.superdrug.com/services/hpv-vaccination/?&&&&gbraid=0AAAAADp4mz8FZj5bkm5rJH9lM9lJ7ZA98&gclid=CjwKCAjwyqWkBhBMEiwAp2yUFhc7x3C1KGfItt7Ka2tTIjHJMpJcYg3rqpD-ExqoxQTLwI4vAc6W4hoCEuQQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
If I wrote a prescription for this, the patient would then have to book another 3 appointments to have it administered. Most of my colleagues get confused about issuing it as an NHS or private prescription, and not comfortable prescribing it off license. Much easier to go straight to a private clinic/super drug/boots.

My2pence2day · 15/06/2023 03:21

LillyoftheMountain · 14/06/2023 14:50

It would give me the ick

Yuck. Me too, total dealbreaker 🤢

AlfietheSchnauzer · 15/06/2023 03:33

LillyoftheMountain · 14/06/2023 14:50

It would give me the ick

A GU consultant told me when I was in hospital during pregnancy that 99.9% of the population already have it! It's just whether or not it's triggered.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 15/06/2023 03:36

@My2pence2day Well aren't you just lovely... 😳 As I said above, a Genito Urinary consultant told me when I was pregnant "99.9% of the population have the virus, it's just whether or not it's triggered. That's why it's only contagious during an outbreak because it's the outbreak that triggers it within your own body. That is also why it cannot be 'cured' because it's something that's already there Hmm

Try not being so shallow perhaps?

AlfietheSchnauzer · 15/06/2023 03:37

Dilemma272 · 14/06/2023 19:15

I’m definitely not hpv positive (had my smear recently). But it’s assumed that if you are sexually active by the time you are 26 you had hpv at some point (it usually goes away on its own within 2 years). I’ll speak to gp and look into vaccine for sure. The hpv that causes warts is usually not cancerous btw. That’s what I read on various websites. Still
obviously don’t want STI

It does NOT go away within 2 years Hmm It doesn't go away at all. Do you research

My2pence2day · 15/06/2023 03:49

AlfietheSchnauzer · 15/06/2023 03:36

@My2pence2day Well aren't you just lovely... 😳 As I said above, a Genito Urinary consultant told me when I was pregnant "99.9% of the population have the virus, it's just whether or not it's triggered. That's why it's only contagious during an outbreak because it's the outbreak that triggers it within your own body. That is also why it cannot be 'cured' because it's something that's already there Hmm

Try not being so shallow perhaps?

It would be a dealbreaker for me, I don't have to be nice 🤷‍♀️ I know many people have the HPV virus, but visible warts, no thanks. If you think that's shallow, I'd love to know what your criteria is in a partner!

My2pence2day · 15/06/2023 03:51

CalistoNoSolo · 14/06/2023 20:58

Its not juvenile, its having standards. Someone with an std would give me instant ick. Just like really skinny men, really fat men, stupid men, hairless men, fussy men all give me the ick. It's not down to you or anyone else to dictate my preferences in a sexual partner.

Show quote history

Totally. I also want a man who has a certain IQ and earns a decent amount of money, so sue me

MayThe4th · 15/06/2023 04:08

I find the cavalier attitude towards STD’s on here baffling. If a woman finds out her partner has had an affair then people jump straight to telling her she needs an STD test. Yet someone posts that their potential new partner has warts, herpes etc and anyone who finds that off putting is unreasonable.

Is it any wonder that STD’s are on the increase.

And the fact that people carry the virus is entirely irrelevant.

Most of us carry the chicken pox virus, that doesn’t mean we should be chilled about catching shingles.

Just because you or I may previously been exposed to HPV, doesn’t mean we should be chilled about catching warts, or having to interact with someone who has them, and they’re recurring.

Nope. Would be a total dealbreaker for me.

guineacup · 17/06/2023 18:08

@MayThe4th

Most of us carry the chicken pox virus, that doesn’t mean we should be chilled about catching shingles.

Disagree. I'm chilled about catching shingles. Not because I want shingles, obviously, but because there's absolutely no point getting worried about it! Same with very prevalent and very mild STI like herpes.

Hollyppp · 17/06/2023 18:51

MayThe4th · 15/06/2023 04:08

I find the cavalier attitude towards STD’s on here baffling. If a woman finds out her partner has had an affair then people jump straight to telling her she needs an STD test. Yet someone posts that their potential new partner has warts, herpes etc and anyone who finds that off putting is unreasonable.

Is it any wonder that STD’s are on the increase.

And the fact that people carry the virus is entirely irrelevant.

Most of us carry the chicken pox virus, that doesn’t mean we should be chilled about catching shingles.

Just because you or I may previously been exposed to HPV, doesn’t mean we should be chilled about catching warts, or having to interact with someone who has them, and they’re recurring.

Nope. Would be a total dealbreaker for me.

So in your opinion this man never deserves a relationship again because he has the misfortune of an STD? It’s rubbish because people have this stigma that this person is black listed for life and is now basically living a social outcast life?

BelindaBears · 17/06/2023 18:53

It wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me, given he’s been open and honest about it.

Zanatdy · 17/06/2023 21:51

Wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me either. I mean any one of us could catch an STD unless we have always had a test before commencing condom less sex. Even then some things don’t come up in an STD test but only when you are having a flare up. It’s life, he’s being honest, I’d wait

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