In love - he told me has genital warts

[Dilemma272]

So I know him for years (both in our 30s) and we were friends, but I was always into him . Now we are much closer with each other and I totally fell in love with him and he admitted he is into me too. We went on few dates and sparks fly. He is extremely kind, gentle soul. However, as the title states - he just told me yesterday that before we get intimate that he did catch genital warts caused by HPV 3/4 year ago. Got them removed and now he has them again (getting them removed again). He is happy to wait and not have sex until he is clear and obviously use protection. I am lost . I thought he could be the one, but I’m not sure what it means for our sex life and future . I know hpv is very common and it usually dissapear on its own, but what if warts developed ? Is it forever then? How can I protect myself? Can I be kissing him without fear or did I already catch it? Should I just let him go because of it😭?

The vaccine won’t protect from any current infections you have been exposed to, but should protect from future ones so if you had symptoms in the future then you would know it wasn’t due to exposure from him. Not sure if that would help the situation for you?

I would wait a while before doing anything, definitely at least until they have cleared up but ideally much longer. I would want to be 100% sure that I wanted a future with this man and he was committed before having sex with him and risking catching something.
Do you want children? As if you do obviously you would have to do it unprotected at some point and be happy taking the risk of contracting warts.

The ick? Ffs this is such a pathetic juvenile reaction. People make mistakes and don’t have perfect bodies. He is being responsible now and you obviously like him. This doesn’t make him a bad or disgusting person. Imagine if the reaction to all imperfect bodies (mastectomy? Limb difference? Herpes? HIV?) was “eww” “ick” “you are not worth my love”.

Doesn't it depend on where the warts are. If they're not actually on the shaft and covered by the condom, then will the condom actually do any good?

Given that I believe the warts are often around rather than on or in the genitals themselves, whether you use a condom isn't really relevant.

The HPV that causes warts does not cause cancer, that type is invisible and is exactly why the majority of people who have sex have had it at some point in their lives.
So the warts he has, don't carry a cancer risk, though nonetheless nobody wants them as they are unsightly and probably uncomfortable.
It's unfortunate for him that they have come back, but he's having them treated which is good, so hopefully they will go in time, and they could take years or maybe never come back at all. It's a bit like having a verruca - had one or 2 in my youth, never again for decades.
Once the treatment has worked, crack on, would be my advice. Condoms may be added protection, but any skin contact can spread it while they are present so it's better to abstain then.
Given that he's been so upfront and honest about it, I'd give him a chance, he sounds like a good guy.

Happily the vaccine works against both the strains that cause warts and those that cause cervical cancer.

If op isn't bothered about cervical cancer but cares about warts, she can still pay for a vaccine if she wants to. Or she's not that bothered about either, then don't buy a vaccine and crack on

Because he has warts. On his genitals. Spready ones.

thank your everyone for advice!

@ArcticSkewer can you stop pushing the narrative that I don’t care - I have no idea how you came up with it - nowhere in my post I ever said I don’t care about hpv/cancer or warts. Totally the opposite that’s why I am here🤦🏻‍♀️

People can’t really control how they feel in reaction to things. There was a thread about someone’s new partner having herpes and plenty of people saw that as a reason not to persist in a relationship.

That poster doesn’t really understand what she’s talking about anyway. Just ignore.

Then get a vaccine?

I just don't get it, tbh. There is something you can buy that would stop you catching hpv ever in your life (or the most common strains)- so buy it? Or don't I suppose. But then why all the angst? You never bothered about it up til now.

Hpv vaccine stops you catching the most common strains of hpv. Including those linked to cervical cancer. And those linked to warts?

You don't think that's true??

It's an incredibly effective vaccine. Op could have had it since 1999 if in UK or at any point since arriving in the UK. Or now.

Same. It’d be the same if he had crabs or another STD. But warts aren’t aesthetically pleasing to the eye and I wouldn’t want to see or risk catching even if they’ve been iced off.

Why are you so adamant that the OP wasn't bothered up to know? Perhaps she didn't know that buying the HPV vaccine was an option? I looked into it in my early 40s and thought NHS was the only option and thus I was far too old. I only found out after reading a thread on Mumsnet that private was an option when I was already over 45.

That is a major passion killer

Fine.

Maybe she is bothered about HPV, not just ick about warts, and happily now she knows, she can go buy a vaccine at boots and stop worrying about both warts and cancer. I must have missed her post where she was relieved to know she could buy a vaccine.

Glad we were able to let her know she can both reduce her risk of cervical cancer and her risk of unsightly skin growths.

Couldn’t you put something like cling film over the offending bits

@ArcticSkewer

yes I’m looking into the vaccine as I didn’t know there is one until I was looking it up today and read posts here - hope you are satisfied now and please leave this thread. Thanks

A friend of mine was married to her husband for 15 years and had 3 kids together. He had herpes and genital warts, she never caught them.

I thought at first it was a bit gross but then I remembered that I have the cold sore virus.
I'm married with 4 kids and I've never passed it on to my family as you just refrain from doing things that could pass it on when you have an outbreak.

Same sort of thing but the genital variety seems to carry more stigma.

Where I live women are routinely tested for HPV when you are due a Pap smear. If you are negative the interval between Pap smears is increased as you are at far lower risk of cervical cancer. I would book into a GP or sexual health clinic to find out your options. I wouldn’t just shrug and assume you have a virus that causes cancer and for which there is a vaccine. I am negative for HPV and was sexually active with various partners from 18-28.

I’m definitely not hpv positive (had my smear recently). But it’s assumed that if you are sexually active by the time you are 26 you had hpv at some point (it usually goes away on its own within 2 years). I’ll speak to gp and look into vaccine for sure. The hpv that causes warts is usually not cancerous btw. That’s what I read on various websites. Still
obviously don’t want STI

I was at the GUM clinic recently and apparently something crazy like 80% (can't remember exact figure!) of people carry this virus. It's so common that you don't even need to disclose to sexual partners unless you have visible warts, even if you had it recently.

Provided they are being treated, and you avoid sex until they are gone, then don't worry about it. Half the posters up in arms may probably be carriers of the virus without even knowing about it.

I know someone who caught them using condoms. Not the barrier that people think

I think he's a keeper