What is your position in your family order?

[Restinggoddess]

What is your position in the family ?- oldest child, middle child, only child etc

Do you think this has influenced your life?

Do you think it matters?

I'm the eldest child. My sister is harder working and more successful than I am. I am much more chilled out and "what will be, will be", while she is not a bit relaxed.

I'm not sure whether it's just a difference in our personalities or because I'm older. I wouldn't say being the eldest has influenced my life in any way though.

What position are you OP? And do you think it's influenced your life/matters?

Middle

In some ways I think it has - just curious to see if people hold with the ideas that place in the family order has any influence

That's funny, I'd say the opposite.

I'm the eldest of 2 girls. Chronic over thinker, people pleaser. Always studied hard, hard worker. Sensible career, good home. A bit introvert.

My dsis was always the fun, wild, care-free one. Always life & soul of the party and having a laugh.

She's how I've always wanted to be and have spent a fortune on therapy trying to have a more relaxed "fuck it" attitude vs 'y usual anxious over thinking.
I think there are some elements of my life she's envious of.

I'd 100% say the way were brought up has influenced us both. I always thought the eldest got a harder time, higher expectations and more pressure so it's interesting to hear a different POV

Oldest of 4 sisters. We were neglected as children so I took on a motherly role from a young age. Definitely shaped my life

@teadi if I'm honest I think the reason is because I never had to put in any effort to do well at school. I always got top grades, was top of the class by doing the bare minimum.

My sister on the other hand ALWAYS worked hard and (perhaps this sounds arrogant) I think it might be because she couldn't coast like I could.

Problem is, this translated into our adulthood, so she's always pushed herself, whereas I'm content "getting by". Also, I had a child young when I was 21 so put all my efforts into motherhood, whereas she put all hers into work.

I'm the youngest of 4, age 37

I hate it. I'm still babied and nobody ever thinks I'm capable of anything despite having the best career & best degree out of the lot. The rest get treated like adults.

The eldest = hasn't done great and keeps needing bailing out
2nd = brilliant & independent.
3rd = complete attention seeker. Messages parents constantly. Fake cries. Argh!
4th = Me. I haven't fucked up yet. But nobody would notice if I had!

I'm also the only sibling to get a long with the others. Everyone else hates each other 😂

I’m an only, with a good relationship with parents. I have a low bullshit tolerance but also hate any sort of conflict.

Only child. Have brilliant, very close friends, many of whom I’ve known since early childhood - probably because I ‘need’ friends in a way that a lot of people with close siblings perhaps don’t. Friends tell me I’m a great listener and often share secrets with me that only I know….probably because I spent a lot of time observing and leaning to be empathetic!

That said, I’m not great in big groups and can have a tendency to be hypersensitive-also probably the result of being an only child.

I was wondering the other day if this has an impact on relationships between couples - if two people who are both onlies or oldests etc understand each other better than a couple with different sibling set ups.

I’m the eldest of 4 and it’s definitely shaped my life and the role I play in friendship groups, despite sometimes being the youngest in a group.

My mum and dad are both onlies and despite being divorced they get each other in a way others don’t. My sister’s husband is one of 4 like she is and they both relate to the sometimes complicated dynamics in play.

interesting.

Middle child, I don't have any kind of 'middle child syndrome', but I think that might be because I'm the only girl. So my 'place' in the family was that of daughter.

Having said that I was treated very differently from my brothers because I'm a girl.

Youngest of five and second youngest of many cousins but a nephew recently referred to me as the matriarch of the family which was a bit disconcerting!

I could have written this!

Oldest of 3 girls. I've always been the loudest, the one who went out drinking a lot as a teen, dated a lot, had a lot of life experiences and am generally pretty wild and adventurous. My sisters are both home bods (nothing wrong with that I should add!) Who would much rather stay in with a cup of tea and a book, have never moved away from their home town, barely dated, one has never been abroad, the other has done a couple of standard holidays. Not due to financial restraints either, they are just happy and settled where as I've never really felt that.

Definitely.....DH and I are both the youngest of a big family.

We're incapable of making quick decisions because we were brought up having people think for us, talk over us and push us out of the way (our oldest siblings still do it even in their 40s!)

I’m the eldest and I know it 😂

My husband and I are both the eldest

The plus side is: we’re good at looking after each other because we have always been the types to look after other people….we’re both rescuers I guess.

Downside is: we both like being in charge and see each other as controlling

overall it works out pretty well

I'm sure it must have an impact, everyone's life experience is difference but I think people read in to it what they want . My second child was harder work , always was so once the 3rd came along this was seen as middle child syndrome.

I am the youngest of three, I have two older sisters. My mum definitely spoiled me as the youngest but this stopped when I got older (we think it's because she liked being able to dress us up when we were younger).

My older sisters were quite wild in their late teens and when it got to me, I think by that point my mum had given up on trying to discipline and let me do what I wanted within reason. I was not as bad as them (moved in different social circles) but she didn't care if I was drinking underage.

Now:
Oldest - in a relationship with a great man after spending far too long with her ex as she was worried about being a single parent (parents divorced when she was 17). Has a great career and is now finally debt free (thanks ex).

Middle - Also had a string of bad relationships but now engaged to a great guy. Has one DD with him and after a couple of years as a SAHM (was pushed out of job) is now restarting her career and already been promoted within a year.

Me - Coasted through school but got good grades, went to university and somehow squeaked a 2:1 and now qualified in an adjacent career to degree and loving it. Married at 23, have a DD. The lack of boundaries from my mum made me quite independent and I've always just done my own thing and not really cared what other people thought. I am also the only one to have moved away from our hometown.

So despite our little hang ups, we have all done great in life (eventually).

Youngest by 9 years and thing’s definitely revolved around me. My siblings were protective and I was the little princess.

However I was encouraged to be independent, make mistakes and learn from them. My mum drilled it into me that I should never be reliant on anybody for anything and to get myself out of my own mess. She did this for all of her children and we are all fiercely independent.

I’ll be honest and say I’ve coasted through life, good grades at school, went to a red brick university, have a good career, married an amazing man, live in a big house and have two lovely children.
I live a charmed life but so do my siblings so I’m not sure where we were born had an impact.

Thank you for these

As a middle child and only girl I was treated slightly differently to my brothers but had similar expectations placed upon me eg university ( which was not the case for all girls at that time) in some ways it was a more forward / feminist view of upbringing

I married a middle child - who only has sisters. So we both know what it is like to be ‘the odd one out’. We then only had two children- not entirely because we didn’t want one to be the middle one but I think it was there in our consideration

There are many influences on us but it’s interesting to hear some experiences of family position

I’m the oldest of 2 and the least favourite- sometimes joke with DH that I am my parents 5th favourite child (after my sister, the cat, my DD and DH, in that order)

I’m more independent, more traditionally academic, more responsible. I was a very high achiever at school which I think my sister found difficult sometimes, although we have a big age gap which helped. She’s much sweeter and more personable than I am, very creative and wonderful at art. She’s definitely been babied though and needs hand holding through a lot of stuff. I think probably a middle ground between the way each of us was raised would have been ideal- I was a bit emotionally neglected, she’s probably been nurtured too much!

On the point about partners and positions, my husband is a classic second child and I think we balance each other out well. I make sure we get stuff done and he makes sure we chill out- two of me would be stressful and two of him would never get anything done!

All so interesting. My husband is an oldest - which I think psychologists say share the most similar character traits with only children - and I do think we both like to be 'in charge', which can cause issues from time to time 😂

Now I think about it the all my closest friends are either youngest or middle children!

I also have three kids and being an only child I am so fascinated by sibling dynamics. They all seem to fit some 'classic' birth order characteristics - the eldest responsible and sensible, the middle diplomatic and has very much created his own 'family' of his own friends, the youngest very outgoing and gregarious....

Younger daughter.
It definitely affected me. Parents disappointed from day 1 that I wasn't a boy and made no attempt to not show it.

Oldest of 3 - the responsible one, trailblazer, who saved for her house deposit, has a good job, excelled in exams, organises everything, gets called bossy and has never needed handouts from parents. My DM told me when I was pregnant with my first that she was not being my daily childcare.
Little sister - only 2 years younger, always had middle child syndrome, she is very sociable and a nice person, but has needed some support from DP and also got daily childcare when her first DC was small. Needy of attention and always whining that 'it's not fair'
Brother - 10 years younger than me, the golden child, went to school when he felt like it, same with college. I actually like him now (got better when he hit adulthood in his late 20s) has a nice wife/family.
We have tried a few all family holidays in recent years, we know better than to share accomodation after 1 nightmare trip and it works better when it is just one sister and our brother but we manage all of us for a few days. I like all my nieces and nephews, but find my BIL hardwork.

DH is also the oldest, but his youngest sibling is much closer in age and it is the middle child that is the golden child and the youngest who is more likely to say 'it's not fair'