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Relationships

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Original poster

The ghoster returns!

42 replies

summerbeaches · 13/06/2023 13:46

NC for this one, would appreciate your thoughts.

I was dating a guy for 6months. First 3 months totally normal, then afterwards he would call daily text constantly but wouldn’t meet. He had told me right at the beginning that he had ongoing mental health issues which he was working on. He was open with me and went on to detail what these issues were.

after a few times cancelling I called it off and he never responded. He got back in touch a few weeks ago being very apologetic for ghosting and said his mental health was bad and he is working through it now. I was hoping he would want restart things but he never mentioned it.

I’ve spent time thinking and I do want him back - thoughts? How to approach this - do I drop him a message in a few weeks asking how he is and see where things go? Do I ask him if he got back in touch to just apologise or to see if we could give things a go?

OP posts:

UpUpUpU · 13/06/2023 13:48

I’d move on personally. Especially if you’ve never even met.

Original poster

summerbeaches · 13/06/2023 13:49

Sorry should have clarified. We met plenty of times in the first 3 months.

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 13/06/2023 13:49

I'd delete his number and move on.

guineacup · 13/06/2023 13:51

I don't think it's wise for you to look to get back with him, but if you're determined to, look to meet up simply as friends to catch up... then you can assess how he is, and whether he really is worth it....

Beware though, because although he has mental health issues, getting back with him will surely risk your mental health! Why are you so keen to have him back?

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 13/06/2023 13:52

Did he ever meet?

To be honest I dated briefly a man who told me at the start of things that he had a depressive illness. I’d known him sort of through my DB. It soon became obvious that he had other issues (was being investigated for bullying or bad behaviour at work, then suspended from work due to latter). It all came to a head when he drunkenly texted me calling me by his twin sister’s name and after that I broke things off. I’m sure he had other relationships as he told me of a few and I believe he’s in a LTR now but at the time I couldn’t deal with his mental health issues (he had got help in the past but not when I dated him) and everything else in his life was too much.

Only you can decide if you want to handle this. For me, no.

Thebigblueballoon · 13/06/2023 13:52

He may be genuinely sorry for ghosting you due to his mental health, but he’s told you he’s “working on it” rather than “worked through it”. He may not have reached out for a second chance because he isn’t in the right headspace to go forward with it. You could always approach him and offer your support, but now might not be the time for rekindling things.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 13/06/2023 13:53

summerbeaches · 13/06/2023 13:49

Sorry should have clarified. We met plenty of times in the first 3 months.

So you met initially then he tailed meeting up off. Did you sleep together? Could he have been seeing someone else?

Blossomandbee · 13/06/2023 13:53

He doesn't sound in a position to be in a relationship, I think chasing him would be flogging a dead horse. As others have said delete and move on.

Original poster

summerbeaches · 13/06/2023 13:53

Should have clarified in my post. First 3 months we met plenty of times.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 13/06/2023 13:53

You're fucking mad to allow that man back into your life. He showed you exactly who he is the first time. Believe him. Unless you enjoy wasting your time, of course.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 13/06/2023 13:54

Ah sorry I see, he cancelled when you wanted to meet the last few times. Got you.

MapofVenice · 13/06/2023 13:55

how will you feel if he ghosts you again after another 3/6 months? Chances are high..

Original poster

summerbeaches · 13/06/2023 13:55

We met plenty of times in first 3 months. Didn’t sleep together. We were making plans to spend weekend together which he cancelled.
He was definitely single at the time and still is now.

OP posts:

icelollycraving · 13/06/2023 13:58

Can I ask why you’d put yourself through this? Half the time you were supposedly dating, you didn’t see him. Then he ghosted you. He hasn’t even tried to win you back & you’re hoping to message soon and get the ball rolling again. Block and delete is my advice, this never went anywhere before, you’re setting yourself up to be hurt again. You’re telling him you’ll accept it being ghosted.
Life is too short for such treatment, you’re worth more than settling for crumbs. Having no partner is better than this surely?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/06/2023 13:59

He will in all likelihood ghost you again.

Ask your own self why you would want him back at all. What is your rationale behind such a decision?. Is he all you think you deserve or are you trying to be his rescuer/saviour?.

shockthemonkey · 13/06/2023 14:42

"I’ve spent time thinking and I do want him back"

If it has taken some thought to arrive at the conclusion that you want him back, then I suggest you don't want him badly enough.

He's been flaky and you're not sufficiently keen to warrant taking him back.

guineacup · 13/06/2023 14:53

shockthemonkey · 13/06/2023 14:42

"I’ve spent time thinking and I do want him back"

If it has taken some thought to arrive at the conclusion that you want him back, then I suggest you don't want him badly enough.

He's been flaky and you're not sufficiently keen to warrant taking him back.

Are you wanting him back because he's the only man who you see as potentially available? Or do you actually really like him?

Thisisbollocksmark · 13/06/2023 15:04

I'm not sure on this one. The easiest thing to do would be to walk away, obviously.

But if you do really, really like him and he has been working on his mental health (so medication/therapy), maybe give him one single chance. But do peg it at the very first sign of any flakiness.

I'm only saying this because I've had dips in my own mental health where I've gone off grid for a while. It's not a reflection of how much I like other people. I've recovered very well afterwards and then been perfectly capable of having a normal relationship.

Turfwars · 13/06/2023 15:06

Ghosters always ghost again, and keep doing it as long as you let them back in.

Any kind of relationship communication will always be difficult and strained with a ghoster.

BCBird · 13/06/2023 15:10

I would not go there. Believe you me it can break you when someone is suffering euth their mental.health. u can feel.helpless and end up.mourning what things used to be like. Cut ties.

WatieKatie · 13/06/2023 15:10

Ignore him and run like the wind. He sounds like a complete head fuck.

samestyle · 13/06/2023 15:10

He met someone else and didn't work out so ghoster returns, I would take what he says with a pinch of salt. I've heard this excuse many times. Move on, even if he was truthful, you don't want to deal with this inconsistency.

BeachBlondey · 13/06/2023 15:36

You were dating for 3 months.

Then he strung you along for 3 months (probably seeing OW).

He cancelled planned dates with you.

He thought so little of you, that he ghosted you.

He had the brass neck, to think that he could text you, after the ghosting.

He has mental health problems.

He blames very poor behaviour on his mental illness, thus using this as an excuse, for everything bad that he has done in the past, and everything bad that is yet to come (basically, he in his head, has a Hall Pass to be a gobshite 24/7)

He didn't have sex with you in those first 3 months, so I suspect he is either
A) a-sexual, or B) has erectile disfunction or C) is terrible in bed or D) Has a micro penis - or all of the above.

He sounds like the WORST catch ever.

Does he even have a job, or is he too busy naval gazing?

Uurgh. This man is not a good bet. It will allllll be about himmmmm, and you will just be a "bit player" in the show that is "his life of woe and struggles". And if he can't hold down a job, you'll be the wallet.

EyelessArseFace · 13/06/2023 15:49

Don't start a relationship with somebody who has mental health issues. It really isn't worth it.

CreationNat1on · 13/06/2023 16:12

He wants someone to hang out with for the summer, he ll ghost you again in 3 months time.

Don't contact him, try and find someone more stable.

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