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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Opinions / dp & intimacy

32 replies

Julesit · 11/06/2023 18:53

Hello everyone, will try make this quick.

my dp of 8 years didn’t have s*x with me for 2 weeks. Usually we do it every 3ish days (his libido). I noticed that it had been 1 week and he hadn’t tried to do it at all which was strange. We then did it on day 8 and within 2 minutes of starting he pulled out (to stop himself from finishing and noticed I had started my period during it so he immediately stopped (can’t really count that as sex it literally last 1/2 minutes and he didn’t finish). He has a big issue with even the slightest of blood so he instantly stopped.

my period had completely stopped on Wednesday, on the Friday night he did the usual spooning in bed (he was still affectionate in terms of hugging to sleep every night but nothing sexual) and he mentioned my pad was gone and I said my pads been gone since Wednesday when my period finished. His response ‘yeah I’m not taking the risk’… meaning he didn’t want to attempt having sex because of the risk of any remanence of blood (even though my period had finished 2 days before and there’s literally no blood!)

that has bothered me because he seems to have a really big issue with even the slightest idea of any blood, even if it was just light pink spotting that could’ve occurred from my iud or from rough s*x. Everyone’s entitled to not do what they aren’t into but if you’re sleeping with a woman why be so grossed out at the slightest idea of blood and go extra length waiting multiple days after my periods finished so you don’t ‘risk’ it? It’s nature that these things can happen, when I lost my virginity to him he was educating me how I might bleed the first time and he didn’t have a problem with it then! I should also add that he’s done it with other girls on their period that I know of so why is he so bothered with me?

also, during those 2 weeks when spooning or hugging he would get hard so I know he would get in the mood (it wasn’t a case of him just not in the mood) yet he wouldn’t attempt to initiate it at all. I equally don’t attempt to initiate ever because he doesn’t seem to like it when I come onto him.

yesterday (4 days after my period finished) he finally initiated s*x with me. I was wanting the more sensual, touching/foreplay/kissing experience but instead ended up just being a quicky in which he finished and I got nothing out of.

I noticed that there was no cm coming out of me? (Sorry tmi). Usually within 2 days if doing it he would have enough ‘load’ to be dripping out of me when I stand up and by day 3 it would pour out of me and I’d have to run to the toilet. This time was 2 weeks and not 1 drop came out? He Definitley did finish as he did his usual signs/when I wiped there was a slight smear of cm so I know he finished but nothing came out.

now from past trust issues I do usually question him if anything like that happens as I know his body well, this time I didn’t question at all. He immediately sensed my mood was off and kept asking me to talk to him and even said ‘you’re probably thinking that there’s not alot of cm’. I didn’t reply or ask him at all because what’s the point? He doesn’t msturbate (don’t see when he’d have the time to anyway as we together 24/7 inside the house and he works alot of hours - doubt he’s getting off at work?)

what do you all think about this situation?

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 11/06/2023 18:58

Clearly an affair…

27penny · 11/06/2023 18:59

PaigeMatthews · 11/06/2023 18:58

Clearly an affair…

🤣

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 11/06/2023 19:03

Gay surely..
Ltb.

Julesit · 11/06/2023 19:24

PaigeMatthews · 11/06/2023 18:58

Clearly an affair…

I agree it sounds like that. But do you think there’s another reason besides that? I’m thinking of asking about the c*m situation tonight but don’t know how to approach it

OP posts:
Julesit · 11/06/2023 19:25

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 11/06/2023 19:03

Gay surely..
Ltb.

I don’t think so, he’s a very ‘masculine’ man and obssessed with females - constantly following/looking at women on Instagram models etc

OP posts:
PrincessCalley · 11/06/2023 19:29

Of course he was masturbating if you haven't had sex for 2 weeks. How old are you? You don't sound like you have a lot of experience of men!

GalileoHumpkins · 11/06/2023 19:30

Maybe he faked it, maybe he had a wank in the shower, or maybe it's weird to be this obsessed about the amount of cum that he produces.

Julesit · 11/06/2023 19:31

PrincessCalley · 11/06/2023 19:29

Of course he was masturbating if you haven't had sex for 2 weeks. How old are you? You don't sound like you have a lot of experience of men!

You’re right I don’t have a lot of experience with men - but I have years of experience with him! I know him extremely well and he is not one for masturbating at all! Not saying he hasn’t but it’s highly unlikely he’s done it at home as we live in a very small place and the limited time he is home hes around me the entire time

OP posts:
ArcticBells · 11/06/2023 19:31

Why all the abbreviations Hmm

Julesit · 11/06/2023 19:32

GalileoHumpkins · 11/06/2023 19:30

Maybe he faked it, maybe he had a wank in the shower, or maybe it's weird to be this obsessed about the amount of cum that he produces.

I’m not obsessed, I just know my partner sexually as I should and know when something is off… I don’t think that’s weird? I will admit I have trust issues yes from what he has done in the past though

OP posts:
Julesit · 11/06/2023 19:33

ArcticBells · 11/06/2023 19:31

Why all the abbreviations Hmm

Sorry I am new to mumsnet and not sure if they sensor/remove posts that contain certain words?

OP posts:
PrincessCalley · 11/06/2023 19:37

Julesit · 11/06/2023 19:31

You’re right I don’t have a lot of experience with men - but I have years of experience with him! I know him extremely well and he is not one for masturbating at all! Not saying he hasn’t but it’s highly unlikely he’s done it at home as we live in a very small place and the limited time he is home hes around me the entire time

Does he shower alone, go to the bathroom alone, go to bed before you? There are lots of times he could do it im sure! It's a very odd thing to be worrying about unless there are other issues going on with ye.

Mehmeh22 · 11/06/2023 19:39

Maybe he's dehydrated?

Tbh, I think there are more issues here than the volume of fluid from a penis.

Julesit · 11/06/2023 19:40

PrincessCalley · 11/06/2023 19:37

Does he shower alone, go to the bathroom alone, go to bed before you? There are lots of times he could do it im sure! It's a very odd thing to be worrying about unless there are other issues going on with ye.

I mean I guess it’s possible if he has I just highly doubt it. He’s extremely quick in the shower and leaves the door open - leaves the door open too when using the toilet. We go bed same time or are in the same room together and the only time we’re not together is when he’s gone to work. He had an affair in the past which is why I have trust issues and focus on little signs too much sometimes

OP posts:
Julesit · 11/06/2023 19:41

Julesit · 11/06/2023 19:40

I mean I guess it’s possible if he has I just highly doubt it. He’s extremely quick in the shower and leaves the door open - leaves the door open too when using the toilet. We go bed same time or are in the same room together and the only time we’re not together is when he’s gone to work. He had an affair in the past which is why I have trust issues and focus on little signs too much sometimes

When he was having an affair and I found out I realised it then made sense why he would sometimes not have much cm like usual …

OP posts:
PrincessCalley · 11/06/2023 19:43

Ah. So he's not exactly trustworthy then. Slightly different situation.

PrincessCalley · 11/06/2023 19:44

Are there any other signs? It's a little odd that your using the amount of fluid he is ejaculating to worry

Julesit · 11/06/2023 20:07

PrincessCalley · 11/06/2023 19:44

Are there any other signs? It's a little odd that your using the amount of fluid he is ejaculating to worry

He just came home from work in a bad mood and we ended up arguing over something small in which he said to me ‘this is why I shag other people’.

he’s prone to saying hurtful things that aren’t true during arguments but that’s not something to lie about there’s got to be truth in that…

OP posts:
CorvusPurpureus · 11/06/2023 20:16

He shags other people, & there's something weird going on with where exactly he might be cropspreading his pints of - carefully monitored by you - semen.

Yeah, I'd leave him to ejaculate somewhere that didn't involve me.

PrincessCalley · 11/06/2023 20:22

Julesit · 11/06/2023 20:07

He just came home from work in a bad mood and we ended up arguing over something small in which he said to me ‘this is why I shag other people’.

he’s prone to saying hurtful things that aren’t true during arguments but that’s not something to lie about there’s got to be truth in that…

OP are you very young? Honestly he sounds like an a...hole! I wouldn't put up with that. Its no way to live. It's not normal to have to worry about the amount of seamen someone is producing. You definitely can do better.

greyhairnomore · 11/06/2023 20:25

If he said that to me he could go and shag other people permanently.

Julesit · 11/06/2023 20:25

PrincessCalley · 11/06/2023 20:22

OP are you very young? Honestly he sounds like an a...hole! I wouldn't put up with that. Its no way to live. It's not normal to have to worry about the amount of seamen someone is producing. You definitely can do better.

I’m late 20s but he’s the only partner I’ve ever had. I know I have trust issues so I may be looking into something that’s not there but from what he has just said, considering what he did in the past and how hard of a journey it’s been for me to move forward with him, even if he was lying that’s not something you’d say…

OP posts:
GoodChat · 11/06/2023 20:32

You don't have trust issues. He's a cheating piece of shit who throws it in your face when you're arguing. Just get rid.

PrincessCalley · 11/06/2023 20:32

Julesit · 11/06/2023 20:25

I’m late 20s but he’s the only partner I’ve ever had. I know I have trust issues so I may be looking into something that’s not there but from what he has just said, considering what he did in the past and how hard of a journey it’s been for me to move forward with him, even if he was lying that’s not something you’d say…

Why are you staying with him? He's not a partner. He's treating you like diet. You'd be better off leaving him to it and starting over.

Hols8 · 11/06/2023 20:33

I’ve never said this but… Leave the bastard. His comment “This is why I shag other people” is enough to do so for me.

What a prize wanker.

Respectfully OP, but there are loads of lovely men out there who will show you love, respect and great sex too.