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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Opinions / dp & intimacy

32 replies

Julesit · 11/06/2023 18:53

Hello everyone, will try make this quick.

my dp of 8 years didn’t have s*x with me for 2 weeks. Usually we do it every 3ish days (his libido). I noticed that it had been 1 week and he hadn’t tried to do it at all which was strange. We then did it on day 8 and within 2 minutes of starting he pulled out (to stop himself from finishing and noticed I had started my period during it so he immediately stopped (can’t really count that as sex it literally last 1/2 minutes and he didn’t finish). He has a big issue with even the slightest of blood so he instantly stopped.

my period had completely stopped on Wednesday, on the Friday night he did the usual spooning in bed (he was still affectionate in terms of hugging to sleep every night but nothing sexual) and he mentioned my pad was gone and I said my pads been gone since Wednesday when my period finished. His response ‘yeah I’m not taking the risk’… meaning he didn’t want to attempt having sex because of the risk of any remanence of blood (even though my period had finished 2 days before and there’s literally no blood!)

that has bothered me because he seems to have a really big issue with even the slightest idea of any blood, even if it was just light pink spotting that could’ve occurred from my iud or from rough s*x. Everyone’s entitled to not do what they aren’t into but if you’re sleeping with a woman why be so grossed out at the slightest idea of blood and go extra length waiting multiple days after my periods finished so you don’t ‘risk’ it? It’s nature that these things can happen, when I lost my virginity to him he was educating me how I might bleed the first time and he didn’t have a problem with it then! I should also add that he’s done it with other girls on their period that I know of so why is he so bothered with me?

also, during those 2 weeks when spooning or hugging he would get hard so I know he would get in the mood (it wasn’t a case of him just not in the mood) yet he wouldn’t attempt to initiate it at all. I equally don’t attempt to initiate ever because he doesn’t seem to like it when I come onto him.

yesterday (4 days after my period finished) he finally initiated s*x with me. I was wanting the more sensual, touching/foreplay/kissing experience but instead ended up just being a quicky in which he finished and I got nothing out of.

I noticed that there was no cm coming out of me? (Sorry tmi). Usually within 2 days if doing it he would have enough ‘load’ to be dripping out of me when I stand up and by day 3 it would pour out of me and I’d have to run to the toilet. This time was 2 weeks and not 1 drop came out? He Definitley did finish as he did his usual signs/when I wiped there was a slight smear of cm so I know he finished but nothing came out.

now from past trust issues I do usually question him if anything like that happens as I know his body well, this time I didn’t question at all. He immediately sensed my mood was off and kept asking me to talk to him and even said ‘you’re probably thinking that there’s not alot of cm’. I didn’t reply or ask him at all because what’s the point? He doesn’t msturbate (don’t see when he’d have the time to anyway as we together 24/7 inside the house and he works alot of hours - doubt he’s getting off at work?)

what do you all think about this situation?

OP posts:
cracktheshutters · 11/06/2023 20:48

Wow, where to begin… no idea on the blood thing and can’t see any relevance between this and cheating. Bit worrying that you know he’s had sex with previous partners while they were bleeding. What were the circumstances of him cheating before? It’s very strange that you know his (apparent lack of) w*nking habits. It just sounds like a mess in all honesty, the level of paranoia you must live with (I imagine as a direct result of his past behaviour) is off the scale, does this relationship honestly make you happy? And the ‘shag other people’ comment, woah! Hope you’re on contraception and aren’t bringing a baby into this fairytale. He might be the only person you’ve ever been with but don’t let that tie you down, he is far from Prince Charming!

Seas164 · 11/06/2023 20:56

You're the reason he shags other people?

Excellent.

What a prick. You don't have trust issues, they'll magically disappear when he does. This level of focus on the amount of ejaculate he's bestowing upon you and when, is not healthy.

MammaTo · 11/06/2023 21:17

Julesit · 11/06/2023 20:25

I’m late 20s but he’s the only partner I’ve ever had. I know I have trust issues so I may be looking into something that’s not there but from what he has just said, considering what he did in the past and how hard of a journey it’s been for me to move forward with him, even if he was lying that’s not something you’d say…

You don’t have trust issues if he says stuff like “this is why I shag other women”, that’s called being a nasty piece of work. But you’ll certainly end up with trust issues if you continue in this relationship.

PaigeMatthews · 11/06/2023 23:04

You're in your 20’s ffs. You have options. Leave him. He sounds vile. He has come home and told you he has affairs. Why stay?

determinedtomakethiswork · 11/06/2023 23:29

Of course you have trust issues. He's proven that he's not trustworthy. I agree that you are probably picking up on very subtle signs that he is messing about again.

You've been with him a long time and you are still in your 20s. I know you'll find this hard to believe but there is a better life out there for you with a better man. This man isn't the one for you. He is your first love, the one where you learn what you want and what you don't want from a life partner.

He sounds like a spiteful cheat. Really really awful. You can do so much better than this.

MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy · 12/06/2023 08:23

What a bizarre post..
Troll?

Lili132 · 12/06/2023 20:48

OP you are so young. You have a whole life in front of you and choosing a life partner will be one of the most important decisions you ever make.
It's OK to end relationship if trust is gone /it doesn't work for you, he hasn't been faithful etc.
It won't get better.

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