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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Police called after domestic incident

41 replies

E198363 · 11/06/2023 13:06

I went out last night for the first time in ages and had a few drinks. My partner was looking after my 16 month old. He hates me going out and makes it really hard for me to go out. He was texting me abuse the whole night. I came back and saw that he was drinking cans of beer so I was really upset as we never drink in the house or with our child. I asked him why he was drinking and he called me fat, ugly, a slag, and then videoed my reaction and sent it to my whole family making me look like the bad person. He then kicked me in my stomach so I got scared and asked him to leave the flat as its my flat. He refused so I rang the police. The police came around and were really nice. They said there's nothing wrong with going out etc. Because I had a drink, they asked me to ask my mum to come around so there was a sober person here. They also said they have to ring social services as protocol but they'll make it clear that I'm not a danger and I'll probably only get a phone call from the social services.

I'm so so nervous and anxious about this. I just don't know what to do I'm so heartbroken and sad today.

I'm so worried about the social services.

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 11/06/2023 13:09

Did your partner leave the flat? Have you ended the relationship?

E198363 · 11/06/2023 13:11

DisplayPurposesOnly · 11/06/2023 13:09

Did your partner leave the flat? Have you ended the relationship?

Hi, yes he left the flat and we haven't spoken but I will end the relationship

OP posts:
Dogsitterwoes · 11/06/2023 13:11

You don't need to worry about social services as a victim of domestic abuse - unless you stay with your abuser.

Dery · 11/06/2023 13:12

Don’t worry about social services. In this situation, they are there to help and support you.

Did the police take your partner away? His behaviour was already abusive even before the physical violence but kicking you in the stomach - that sounds to me like someone who could kill you if the mood takes him. But even if he doesn’t the abuse is already serious and you need to get away and stay away from this man.

blacksax · 11/06/2023 13:13

There will be only one reason to worry about social services taking an interest, and that will be if you take him back.

Please keep this violent, aggressive abuser away from you and your dc. If he returns, call the police again.

E198363 · 11/06/2023 13:13

No they just asked him to leave the flat. He said he kicked me to get me away from him which I don't agree.

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 11/06/2023 13:15

Please apply for a Non Molestation Order straightaway.

He sounds extremely dangerous and you need to protect yourself and your LO.

blacksax · 11/06/2023 13:15

Call the police back, and tell them that you want to report an assault.

He assaulted you, and next time it could be far worse.

Asterales · 11/06/2023 13:16

You say he was looking after "your" 16 month old - is your child his? If not, it should be easy to get rid of him and cut ties.

E198363 · 11/06/2023 13:17

Yes the child is his I just worded it wrong x

OP posts:
UnaVaca · 11/06/2023 13:18

Change the locks. You have to break out of this. Do you want this to be the blueprint for relationships for your child?

Thebigblueballoon · 11/06/2023 13:19

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Mariposista · 11/06/2023 13:30

If you aren't already OUT of there taking that poor innocent baby with you I hope SS DO intervene. Totally irresponsible to still be there if that is the way he behaves. and God forbid, he was left in charge of that poor baby!

MaxwellCat · 11/06/2023 13:33

Only a phone call after he kicked you in the stomach? Did you tell them that part as that doesn’t sound right to me? My ex did much much less and they came round for a visit and an assessment.

Soontobe60 · 11/06/2023 13:35

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That’s just what she needs to hear - victim blaming at its finest.

Trinity65 · 11/06/2023 13:42

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Wow!

You seem to lack empathy.

MintJulia · 11/06/2023 13:43

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 11/06/2023 13:15

Please apply for a Non Molestation Order straightaway.

He sounds extremely dangerous and you need to protect yourself and your LO.

This. It will not only protect you and your child, but will also make it absolutely clear to him that he is not coming back.

Plus it will go some way to protecting any women in future because there will be a record.

Clymene · 11/06/2023 13:45

Oh I'm so sorry, you must be reeling. I'm glad you and your child are okay. Non mol is a good idea and please don't let him back. Screenshot and save all his abusive messages.

Careerdilemma · 11/06/2023 13:50

You need to end it and never get back together with him.

Generally the reason women lose their kids in these situations is because they can't or won't end things with their abusive partner; and therefore continue to expose the children to the unhealthy relationship. .

dapsnotplimsolls · 11/06/2023 13:54

As others have said, if you show that you're taking action to end the relationship, there shouldn't be an issue.

Elieza · 11/06/2023 13:55

Thank goodness you are away from him.

You need to stay away to protect your child, no matter how ‘sorry’ he is or the excuses he uses. He will want you back. It’s because he likes you on a leash. Don’t fall for his crap. Have your mum or someone there if he ‘wants to talk’ or whatever. After kicking you I’d not let him in again tbh. His stuff would be in a box.

If you do, social work will be around a whole lot more to keep your child safe, or may take your child from you as they have safety concerns.

Your life shouldn’t be like this. He’s a prick. You can do better. You deserve better.

E198363 · 11/06/2023 13:56

Thanks for your advice. I will definitely be ending the relationship. I will look into the non molestation order ad well

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 11/06/2023 13:57

Don't let him back, even if he threatens to kill himself. (He won't)

billy1966 · 11/06/2023 14:08

Well done for calling the police.

Keep that scum away from your child.

SS are there to protect your child.

End your relationship and you shouldn't have any problems.

Is he being charged with assault?

He should be.

Your poor child.

Mix56 · 11/06/2023 14:14

Is it your flat ? or is it joint tenancy ? If it's yours you can change the locks.
in the mean time, keep a chain or bolt on or keep the key in the locked door.
He will try & come back saying he has every right to access.
He will say he is going to get sole custody, he will fight you all the way, you are not stable, you are an unfit mother...
Do not Panic, get a non-mol order & tell him to jog on.
There will be a lot of threats & unpleasantness, but you & your child will be better ultimately without this abusive thug