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Original poster

Punishing me? How would you approach this?

40 replies

Wishuponastar94 · 11/06/2023 11:19

So we have a 11 month old and I take care of everything for him and do the chores. Me and my partner are both stay at home parents but I go back to work in 2 weeks. Like 3 days ago I had just started my period and was cranky and tired. My partner was being affectionate which was fine like asking for hugs and cuddles etc but then it became constant touching not sexually though and asking for kisses I told him and showed my frustrations and he continued asking for kisses whenever I would kiss him he would say no he wants tongue and he done this 4/5 times in a row knowing I’m feeling meh and so I got frustrated as I was all touched out and said I needed space. As I just didn’t want to be touched for a bit and he went silent and went off to the bathroom, for some time. When he came back I was feeling more relaxed and apologised, hugged him, explained I was just feeling Ergh and he never responded and after a bit I hugged and apologised again and he never said anything so I asked if his annoyed at me, he said no his just giving me space and I said I’m over the space bit I feel a bit better I just was feeling Ergh and he continued to be silent that night he never hugged, kissed me and we went to sleep he didn’t even speak to me he just spoke to our toddler. The next day I woke him up as it was our LO cake smash. I stroked his head and said baby wake up giving him 2 kisses and holding out LO. He again didn’t acknowledge me and spoke to our toddler saying I’m getting up the whole time getting ready he never spoke to me or even said morning. We got to the photoshoot and he stayed outside or didn’t speak just small talk about our toddler if he had to. Came back and it was the same just small talk if necessary and then he ordered food and we ate and still no contact not even a hug. Now on day 3 he woke up the same no affection just small talk, I really feel like his punishing me for feeling overwhelmed and over stimulated? Like how do I approach this? This was my first period after an abortion. I just feel so hurt his behaving like this towards me..

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 11/06/2023 11:23

You posted the same thing a day or so ago and got quite a few replies.

NeverThatSerious · 11/06/2023 11:25

How do you approach it? You dump the useless, horrible dickhead.

Original poster
Wishuponastar94 · 11/06/2023 11:37

Because I didn’t think we would be 3 days in and he would still be behaving like this

OP posts:
gwenneh · 11/06/2023 11:39

Wishuponastar94 · 11/06/2023 11:37

Because I didn’t think we would be 3 days in and he would still be behaving like this

Everyone on the other post was correct though; so the same advice applies.

Lindy2 · 11/06/2023 11:42

He sounds awful. Why would you ever want a pathetic man like that it your life? Time to ditch him.

NextTimeItsOver · 11/06/2023 11:43

He sounds really nasty. He is punishing you to try and force you to behave like he wants you to. You need to sort this out otherwise he will continue to behave like this towards you and towards your kid(s)

Do you want a lifetime of him behaving like this, or a life time of arguments or a lifetime of walking on eggshells. He either has to change or, if I were you, you should leave him.

EdinaCrump · 11/06/2023 11:43

He is a baby and will get worse.

sodthesodoff · 11/06/2023 11:44

The fact that you have already posted this. Got presumably a raft of replies all saying the same thing. Have ignored them all and returned with new thread says it all

What do you want from this thread the previous thread didn't provide?

The advice will be the same. But you know this.

Theunamedcat · 11/06/2023 11:45

Fine take your space and leave dont keep approaching him for affection he is probably enjoying your discomfort because if he wasn't he would have stopped by now

2chocolateoranges · 11/06/2023 11:46

I’d let him sulk!

what good does he bring to this relationship?

billy1966 · 11/06/2023 11:48

This is what abuse looks like.

Ring Women's aid for a chat.

Have you any family?

If you do, pack a bag and go stay with them.

This is not a good man.

This is what abusive men do and your life is not on a good path.

Do not have more children with someone who is so comfortable abusing you.

Tell family and friends the truth today.

LittleEsme · 11/06/2023 11:49

You're not here to 'service him' and that's exactly what he's expecting.

He's behaving in a revolting manner.

Justcallmebebes · 11/06/2023 11:52

Either leave him to sulk and go merrily about your day or tell him to shape up or fuck off.

Why doesn't he work? What does he contribute seeing as you say he's a sahp but you do majority of childcare?

LittleEsme · 11/06/2023 11:53

OP, I can understand that replies like these make you want to run to the hills but this is the reality I f your situation.

If you TELL him that he has to respect your body and be a thoughtful and considerate partner, it may work and you'll live happily ever after. If you don't, then nothing changes.

If you do say, and he continues to be like this, then he doesn't respect you. It's as simple as that.

The silence and ignoring is him punishing you. He's being revolting.

LittleEsme · 11/06/2023 11:54

Justcallmebebes · 11/06/2023 11:52

Either leave him to sulk and go merrily about your day or tell him to shape up or fuck off.

Why doesn't he work? What does he contribute seeing as you say he's a sahp but you do majority of childcare?

Good point.
Why isn't earning a living?

AutumnCrow · 11/06/2023 11:55

What does he do all day?

primoseyellow · 11/06/2023 11:59

I hate this behaviour as it is childish and pathetic, he is extremely unpleasant and is punishing you.

I would sit him down and calmly say if he does this again you are leaving.

How can the father of your child and your life partner treat you like this?

Original poster
Wishuponastar94 · 11/06/2023 12:00

He has savings and a inheritance. He pays the rent, I pay the bills even throughout my maternity I had to pay the bills out of the 600/700 I got. He just pays the rent, does an occasional nappy, the bins sometimes, sometimes puts away the hoover idk plays with the baby, buys the groceries, cleans the bathroom every few months because he leaves his drinks in there and smokes in it. I really thought we were progressing in our relationship but the last few days have thrown me off. He told me about a week or 2 ago his decided he will take his life and is certain but is waiting for our little ones birthday to pass and I’ve tried speaking to him etc and his just saying he has made up his mind but idk I feel like I can’t say anything just incase?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wishuponastar94 · 11/06/2023 12:01

Sleeps, games or scrolls on his phone. He doesn’t go out or anything

OP posts:
Tangelablue · 11/06/2023 12:03

He sounds needy and immature. Stop trying to make things right, step right back. If you continue to try to hug and talk to him he will know you will be less likely to say no to him in the future and his shitty, manipulate behaviour has worked.

RabbitsRock · 11/06/2023 12:06

Saying he’s going to kill himself is extremely manipulative OP. This sounds like a toxic relationship. You can do so so much better.

INeedAnotherName · 11/06/2023 12:08

You need to leave him as soon as possible. He won't change.

If he threatens self harm tell him you will involve the police for a wellness check.

I repeat, get out. Hes trying to break you.

Original poster
Wishuponastar94 · 11/06/2023 12:08

I only apologised and hugged him on the day it happened, the next day I obviously woke him up lovingly because I didn’t think he would be dragging his behaviour to the next day so thought he would wake up in a normal mood and when I saw he didn’t and was still the same I treated him as he did me and didn’t talk to him unless needed to. I’m just afraid around having the convo with him I was brought up in such a traumatic life as was he but his very good with his words and I know him and I know I’ll get stuck expressing myself whereas he will tell me I’m confusing him and giving him mixed signals asking for space then complaining about no affection he will twist it like honestly he is so good with words and I’m not and I’ll end up looking like the bad one as I do many times because I struggle with communications and expressing how I feel due to things I’ve been through like even when I explain he will have something better to say or smarter which invalidates what I’m saying but then he always says this is a safe space and I can and should be able to talk about how I feel and the moment I do he will listen but also tell me how I’m not thinking about it properly or whatever nd I look and feel dumb.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wishuponastar94 · 11/06/2023 12:11

Yes so last week he told me it’s got nothing to do with me just with his upbringing etc his depressed and has decided at some point he will kill himself this left me so concerned I tried to speak to him and stuff but he wasn’t having any of it but I just never know where his head is. I’m to afraid to say things or feel things or discuss how I feel just in case I make it worse idk how to deal with it. I just feel horrible for my poor baby in all of this because with how his been over the last 2/3 days I been struggling to feel like myself so have gone into a shell I’ve found it hard to play with my little one or be my happy cheery self. I just feel like I’m losing my mind, I only started to recover from postpartum but idk I feel shit

OP posts:
thecatsmeows · 11/06/2023 12:13

He will kill himself? That's the rubbish taking itself out.

Of course it's a load of shit, designed to make you feel worried and guilty and ignore the fact that he's a useless waste of space that you should run for the hills from...and of course it's working.

Put your baby first and forget this loser.