Punishing me? How would you approach this?

[Wishuponastar94]

So we have a 11 month old and I take care of everything for him and do the chores. Me and my partner are both stay at home parents but I go back to work in 2 weeks. Like 3 days ago I had just started my period and was cranky and tired. My partner was being affectionate which was fine like asking for hugs and cuddles etc but then it became constant touching not sexually though and asking for kisses I told him and showed my frustrations and he continued asking for kisses whenever I would kiss him he would say no he wants tongue and he done this 4/5 times in a row knowing I’m feeling meh and so I got frustrated as I was all touched out and said I needed space. As I just didn’t want to be touched for a bit and he went silent and went off to the bathroom, for some time. When he came back I was feeling more relaxed and apologised, hugged him, explained I was just feeling Ergh and he never responded and after a bit I hugged and apologised again and he never said anything so I asked if his annoyed at me, he said no his just giving me space and I said I’m over the space bit I feel a bit better I just was feeling Ergh and he continued to be silent that night he never hugged, kissed me and we went to sleep he didn’t even speak to me he just spoke to our toddler. The next day I woke him up as it was our LO cake smash. I stroked his head and said baby wake up giving him 2 kisses and holding out LO. He again didn’t acknowledge me and spoke to our toddler saying I’m getting up the whole time getting ready he never spoke to me or even said morning. We got to the photoshoot and he stayed outside or didn’t speak just small talk about our toddler if he had to. Came back and it was the same just small talk if necessary and then he ordered food and we ate and still no contact not even a hug. Now on day 3 he woke up the same no affection just small talk, I really feel like his punishing me for feeling overwhelmed and over stimulated? Like how do I approach this? This was my first period after an abortion. I just feel so hurt his behaving like this towards me..

Your poor child will have to witness all this abuse and he will do it to your child as well and to threaten suicide to get his own way in crazy! Again your child will witness this. Tell him that get a job then he won't have time for this rubbish.

Your poor baby being reared in such an abusive environment.

His threats to commit suicide are more abuse.

You need to get out of there.

Have you got anyone you can go and stay with? Have you people in real life you can discuss this with?

You can't carry on like this. He may well be depressed but he can't take it out on you. Think how this will play out in the future.

(Can't believe he snakes in the house with a baby too 🫤)

I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s time to leave him.

Anyone who goes on a three day huff after you were upset just having had an abortion (sending sympathy hugs for that, been through a termination too, it’s shite) and threatens suicide, is trying to control you (by teaching you to do what he wants or something bad will happen).

You will never do what you want with this guy unless it suits his. purposes. Time to leave. Do so carefully. Speak to woman’s aid.

Please don't tell me that this man would be looking after your baby while you're at work?

This relationship is a dysfunctional shitstorm. Pawing at you and asking for “tongue”?! Ignoring you for days and threatening to kill himself? Absolutely gross behaviour. How you can stand to be with him is one thing, but you’re actually harming your baby by staying.

Tell him if he is planning on killing himself then you want to separate so you can move on. No point staying together if he is going to do that.
Of course, he isnt going to do that, it's just a way to keep you quiet. OP and I mean this kindly, if you want your child to have even a chance of growing up happy and mentally healthy them you can not stay with this parasite.

Every update gets worse OP

Do you have any family near? This isn't a healthy situation for either you or your baby.

What a manipulative creep he is.
I would not leave my baby with him.

You're also setting yourself up badly here - should he be spiteful enough if and when you split, he could go for custody and the courts may go on his favour as the 'stay at home'
Parent.

Please think this through. He is not a good man.

Oh dear op, you sound so passive from what he is actually doing to you.
😪

What do you want to change and what are your options? I'd realistically look at leaving. I know it's not easy.

He's abusive. 1) for ignoring your boundaries in the first place about not wanting to he harassed for affection (whether you are feeling well or not. You do not have to have a reason for not wanting to be touched or kissed). And 2) For stonewalling you after. You did nothing wrong and did not need to apologize. He enjoys having the upper hand and seeing you begging for his attention now and this behaviour is designed to lower your boundaries to do exactly what he wants going forward to make you avoid this behaviour.

What you should do is end the relationship. He is abusive. If you stay, I certainly would endeavor to stick to my boundaries, not apologize, and if he gives you the silent treatment, so be it. You need to toughen up and be more assertive if you're not going to end it (but you will be miserable continuing a relationship with someone like this, as well as modeling a poor example of what is acceptable in a relationship to your toddler).

Wanting a cake smash is enough reason on its own to leave him.

Oh for fucks sake op.

This man is complete and utter scum.

Ruin your own life, should you wish, don't ruin your babies.

Nobody, nobody in their right mind is going to respond on here to advise you stay with him/work things through/ whatever it is you're looking for. You can post as many times as you like.

Kick. This. Useless. Cunt. Out.

Why are there 2 stay at home parents?

Why are you still there?

What's a cake smash?

asking for kisses I told him and showed my frustrations and he continued asking for kisses whenever I would kiss him he would say no he wants tongue and he done this 4/5 times in a row knowing I’m feeling meh and so I got frustrated as I was all touched out and said I needed space.

Yuk yuk yuk. I need some space after reading all that!

He sounds revolting.

He told me about a week or 2 ago his decided he will take his life and is certain but is waiting for our little ones birthday to pass and I’ve tried speaking to him etc and his just saying he has made up his mind but idk I feel like I can’t say anything just incase?

This is revolting. He didn't mean it. Of course he's not going to Jill himself. He's manipulating you to keep you in line, so you don't argue with him.

Dump the horrible twat, then you might find it helpful to do the Freedom Programme so you can spot abusive twats in future.