Partners friend said he loves me!!

[BouncyBottie]

Need some advice on how to handle this slightly awkward situation and make sense of how I'm feeling... ?

So I'm in a long term, very happy relationship. We have lived together for years and are trying for a baby - we are childhood sweethearts.

I was out with some friends for a drink at the weekend and I bumped into a friend of my partner. We get on well and I have known him for years so we sat with him and his friends for a drink. Everything was fine, until I went up to the bar for a drink and he came with me. He told me that he wanted to talk and went on to say that he knew it was wrong but he was 'absolutely in love with me'. He said how he wished things were different so he had chance with me, that was I beautiful, that he's felt this way for years and had never stopped thinking about me.

I'm a pretty socially awkward person and totally panicked. I kind of laughed it off, said that he must of had too much to drink and that I bet he says that to all the girls when he's drunk....I know. Not ideal. Made my excuses and went home.

But now what? I can't stop thinking about it. I can't lie, it was pretty nice to hear all those words from someone! Do I tell my partner? It is his friend after all? Or does that turn it into a bigger problem than it is and just make him angry/upset for no reason. We will 100% see him again soon, we are all in the same social circle and its only a matter of time....I already feel sick at the thought.

A very good friend of mine fell for dh. He told me immediately after she told him and I would have been livid if he hadn't. Don't underestimate how much this will disrupt his friendship. It has been horrendous, I can't lie. You must cut him out of your lives. He has no respect for you both or your marriage. This friend ended the friendship when he fell for you, it is not yours to end, you're merely recognising that he has ended it a long time ago. Your dh may find this very difficult to heal from this betrayal- I have.

I know one of our friends said similar to DH about fifteen years ago. He’s fond of her and sort of ‘there there’d her about it, and never mentioned it again — only told me a few years later, when she was in a relationship and had clearly moved on. I appreciated why he’d kept schtum, and the outrage and complicity stuff being flung around here seems to me insanely reactive and melodramatic. We’re all still friends. I think it happens to a lot of people, and there’s no need for soap opera.

@Lissadell How you weren't utterly livid with your friend, I have no idea. I have found it very hard to move on from being so betrayed.

I didn’t consider it a ‘betrayal’, just an awkward confession of a feeling she grasped was one-sided, when drunk and emotional (at a stressful, sad occasion — a mutual friend’s funeral). DH is lovely, and it’s not surprising someone else would see that, and, in the specific circumstances (the horribly early death from cancer of someone our age (mid-30s)), blurt it out. I would have thought it a ridiculous reason to lose a friend.

I would tell my partner personally. I don't think secrets are a good idea

Say what now?????

Honestly I think you need to tell your partner. He needs to know that his mate had a thing for his missus and can act on it accordingly and also not question you're behaviour and jump to conclusions if you act differently around him after his announcement.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago.

A friend blurted out the words "I love you" to me when drunk. Immediately acted like he didn't say it and then went to the bathroom. When he came back he acted like it didn't happen so I thought maybe it was an accident or he didn't mean it. I was happy to let it go.

In retrospect I think he was in love with me and jealous of my relationship with my DP at the time.

He really went cold on me after that and became quite nasty. I feel he sort of turned that friendship group we were both in against me. I told my partner but wish I had mentioned it to someone else in the friendship group. I brushed it off and gave them the benefit of the doubt. Really I should have told a few people to cover myself.

The difference in this story is it is your partner's friend. Deffo tell your partner he would be mortified to be the last to know. The path of least resistance is to do nothing but in the long wrong you will hurt yourself and your partner too.