He’s married, why is he asking me about my life?

[Iammeltin]

Hello,

I worked with a guy and we were good friends. We went our separate ways but periodically kept in contact with him flirting etc. He got married and cut contact with me. He did tell friends mutual friends “i was the one who got away” and anyone who ends up with me is a lucky. He never told me himself. Anyway I’m married too now.

He’s now reached out 8 years later, he’s married and with child too.
However he’s asking me;
How long have you been married?
What does your husband do?
How old is your child?
What do you do? - (said he’s really happy for me that my career has took off)
really impressed with my outlook in life

Is this weird or normal? I’m not sure what he’s getting out of knowing this and find it abit strange and uncomfortable?

Sorry let me clarify here, unless I got the wrong end of the stick.

He is married now. He was not married when we were work colleagues. He told people after he got divorced that I was the one who got away ( he didn’t even tell me that) but I was with my now husband. He has now re-married.

I felt iffy because of what he did say about me yes, but I wanted to know if I was looking too much into and were they strange questions to ask?

The fact that this thread has divided people and certain people think there’s nothing wrong with his questions proves my point that I can be interpreted in both ways!!

But that's the thing with second hand intelligence it leaves it open to interpretation the meaning, the context in the way it was said etc.

I am a-bit miffed because I answered all his questions but has ignored mine! Makes me feel like a fool!

Presumably he ignored your answers because they didn't give him the response he wanted - i.e. a bit of flirtation, a slight indication you aren't happy with your husband, or an indication that you'd be up for sex.

Yeah I’ve had this from exes. I just don’t bother engaging, as my marriage is very happy. Definitely a fishing trip!

You sound stupid.

Just crack on if you’re interested.

I think it’s perfectly ok to contact a friend you’ve lost touch with and chat about each other’s lives. It doesn’t matter whether he fancied you a little years ago, he was your friend too. If you’re capable of chatting about your families etc and there’s no pushing for anything more I would be fine.

He's only after one thing. So obvious

Do you NEED this man as your friend? What are you hoping for?
You used to work together years ago, and haven’t spoken in what (?) a decade?

If he was such a special friend you would have kept contact.

You want to just message each other like pen friends?

Or You want to meet up as families and go on outings with your kids and spouses in tow?

Or perhaps if you’re honest, it’s a bit flattering and a reminder of your younger self that he’s showing interest?

I’d advise looking to make some friends locally instead. Leave this in the past.

I think it’s perfectly ok to contact a friend you’ve lost touch with and chat

He doesn’t sound that friendly or chatty to be fair 😂
Just fired off some questions mainly about marital situation, looked at the replies and didn’t bother replying all evening despite being online scrolling through op’s pics/stories.

Op found it rude and I agree. It’s hardly stimulating chat between 2 great buddies.

If it was an attempt to re connect as friends, it was a damp squib 😬

Is it making you feel good @Iammeltin ?

Not particularly. What am I supposed to be feeling good about?

He’s sent you a questionnaire to gauge the state of your life and whether you’re ripe for an affair. He’s probably sent the same questions to other women on his social media. He took a while to reply as you likely indicated you were happy in your marriage and he realised it was a dead end. Block.

The better question is why you are giving him answers to those questions! Just because some busy body nosy opportunnist asks for personal info on you, does not obligate you to answer truthfully or at all!! I don't understand why women are so resistant to telling men "that's none of your (#* @! business dude!" WHY is that so hard?

Girlfriend, you have got to shut this down. Tell him flatly that your life is not his concern and to go ask his wife questions, not you. Tell him that when you hang up you will block his number and block him on all of your social media accounts because you are not into married men. Then do it. Put his email into he SPAM folder as well. Set up clear, firm boundaries to this kind of crap.

You're playing very naive here.

How? He’s ignored me again. I literally don’t care. I thought he wanted friendship. I don’t even think he wants an affair as he would be flattering me etc.
He’s literally just asked me about my husband, said he enjoyed our working years together and now ignoring me! I don’t understand what he wanted. Not bothered in the slightest (just updating).