How would you feel if your DH said this?

[Staygoldponyboystaygold]

Every now and again DH will say something that upsets me, makes me feel a bit shit tbh. I’m looking for honest answers as I get the impression that he thinks I’m a bit over sensitive.

I will keep this brief. If your DH said that you used to be really slim, but now he thought you just looked like everyone else would you be slightly hurt?

Since having our dc I’ve gone from a 8/10 to a 10/12. I’m not quite the way I was when we married. It bothers me at times. How would you feel if your DH said the above? I just think it’s a bit unnecessary and not nice. Am I over sensitive?

Thank you.

He was attracted to a young girls body and is now dissatisfied with a woman’s body. Yes that would bother me very much indeed.

A bit oversensitive I would say.

You've stated you've gone up a dress size...he may actually prefer you the size you are now?

To be clear I don’t mind looking like everyone else, I suppose I feel I should stand out to DH.

Well he’s just like all the other twats then…

Did he actually phrase it like that, op? Everyone else is clearly not size 10/12 so it's an asinine comment as well as rude.

I’m definitely on the over sensitive side and my dh has said some thoughtless things over the years. And sometimes it has left me reeling for a few days!

But, he’s a really good man, and not mean spirited or unkind. He doesn’t plámás and is a bit too honest for his own good.

We’re just an unfortunate combination in that respect. So I get over it. Eventually.

But I sympathise because it stings.

That's what happens when your amazing body grows a new human.

I presume he means others who haven't had a baby?

Tell him to suck it up buttercup your baby thinks you are the only human on the world to matter.

When someone blames your sensitivity, instead of their bad behaviour they’re gaslighting you.

I think OP's DH sounds a bit of a chump, but this kind of nonsense doesn't help anyone. Slim women are still women, not girls. Size 8/10 women are still women, not girls.

To be a bit more clear. He hasnt called me overly sensitive, that’s just the impression I get. I raised it today and he said I was character assassinating him.

My exhusband fancied me when I weighed 7 stone. After I had our 2 children ( and got healthy again after hyperemesis with both pregnancies) I weighed 8.5 stone. He didn't fancy me anymore and left me for a 17 year old from work. He used to make comments about how much he fancied x ,y ,z young woman if we were at Center Parcs in the swimming pool. They were always under 16. Your husband is as much of a dick as mine was.

Wow.

I hope you reported him to the police, because that is a paedophile. Deeply concerning

So he says something that upsets you, you tell him how it made you feel, and instead of apologising and saying he didn't mean it like that, he puts the onus on you and defends himself by accusing you of character assassination? No, you're not being over-sensitive. He's an arse.

Oh here we go with the body shaming. First one in.

I agree, he is being an arse.

You do realise that 99% of the people reading this won't understand 'plámás' 😃

What a level of stupidity to reach so early in the thread

@FancyNanci 😂

He needs a taste of his own medicine. Next time he says it say " its called getting older but , i mean , look at you. You used to be so good looking but you've gotten older as well " sometimes , those people who " are just to honest for their own good " need their own words reflected back at them.

I have gone from/to the same dress sizes. I think I wouldn't be too sensitive tbh. It's something that I know all too well myself and it bugs me. More fitness is on my list of things I hope to have time for when my youngest starts preschool, but for now it's how it is as a parent of a baby. I can't imagine DH actually saying the same to me, because he's tactful and just knows not to mention certain things. But he'd be blind not to see it, and there's no pretending to myself I look as good as I did then, so it's one of those things that is unsaid but we both know.

Hi response is alarming! Saying that you are character assassinating him sounds like gaslighting. I'd be very concerned about his attitude and comments. Can you talk to someone?

Thank you for all your responses. I agree that he can sometimes be an arse. I think a pp who said he’s just too truthful is probably right and that can be a bit hurtful at times. We’ve discussed it today and I feel better about it.

Throw it back at him:

‘Yes darling, and I remember when you didn’t have a receding hairline/a little pot belly/hairy ears/dress like a 70s newsreader/smell of cheese but we are where we are so suck it up, buttercup.’

He doesn’t seem to mind picking at your sensitivities so pick right back. It might put him off a bit.

Depends. If he came out with it apropos of nothing it would be different from saying it in response to 'Im so fat now I'm no longer a size 8' or similar.

But search engines are our friends … It’s a kind of wheedling flattery. What a useful word, thank you Ireland!

And to anyone saying how clever of me to find it, I can only say “Don’t give me that plámás”.