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Original poster

He was a cocklodger all along wasn't he?

32 replies

Cassidyscircus · 10/06/2023 19:18

I broke up with my dp of 4 years a couple of weeks ago but have been wrestling with it internally. Finally the penny dropped today.

For the last 3 years he has put so much pressure on me to move into my house / be here all the time / spend more time with me.
I've resisted because although he was always kind and sweet to me, I found him a little needy on the 3 days per week I did see him.

I have 2 dc and worked so hard to scrimp and save to buy my little house, I've been a single mum for 9 years and paid for every brick and cushion and appliance myself.
He has been living with his mum since he broke up with his ex girlfriend 5 years ago, he is 40.

He really began to try to gaslight and manipulate me in the last month of the relationship to allow him to move in, and i also started to get the feeling he was starting down the cheating road (loads of time at the gym/ new work friends/ being suddenly nasty / obsessed with weird sex) It was the final straw as I've been there and got the tshirt with my ex husband.

I bumped into a mutual friend today who told me that 3 days after we broke up ex'd'p moved into his female 'friend's home.🤦🏼‍♀️
I feel a bit embarrassed and weirded out, but the sense of relief is incredible. 🥰

OP posts:
Luluissleeping · 10/06/2023 19:25

Well rid

TheSnowyOwl · 10/06/2023 19:34

I’m sorry but yes, well rid of him!

frozendaisy · 10/06/2023 19:38

You are super OP.

Just think of what you successfully escaped.

Oh what a relief.

You would be paying, cleaning, trying to please a pathetic lump of a human.

But you don't have to.
You were never going to.

Dance in the kitchen.

You are super.

coxesorangepippin · 10/06/2023 19:39

Better off rid of him

Bullet dodged

Modernmuse · 10/06/2023 19:41

I've been on my own with my children 10 years now, like you worked extremely hard, scrimped and saved, almost paid off my mortgage and there's no way on earth l would ever move a man in. Way too high risk in a number of ways and l would find it too suffocating.
Good for you for not succumbing, his new female friend will be stuck wth him and his neediness now. Relationships remain much fresher and more interesting when living apart, when you live with a partner permanently the relationship can soon become stale, tired and lifeless.

PaigeMatthews · 10/06/2023 19:41

Well done op! Nothing wrong with your senses. You saw right through him.

OnlyYellowRoses · 10/06/2023 19:43

Well done for sticking to your guns and trusting your gut x

BCBird · 10/06/2023 19:43

Good riddance. Been there too. How lucky I.am.no mortgage,perhaps I could buy his and he pay me rent? Blah blah blah few thousand out of pocket but hey ho u live and learn. He's found another female bank.

Original poster
Cassidyscircus · 10/06/2023 19:52

Thank you 😊 a few months ago that news about this poor OW would have broken my heart but I just stood there shaking my head.

The flags were raised when he spoke about her ex girlfriend in the past too, he moved into her house from the previous girlfriends house bug did such a good job of painting it as a 'he had no other choice'.
Funny how us single mothers end up skint and alone but don't go foisting ourselves and our children onto kind hearted home owners 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
Cassidyscircus · 10/06/2023 19:53

*about his

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 10/06/2023 19:59

@Cassidyscircus

I feel a bit embarrassed and weirded out, but the sense of relief is incredible.

Phew!! Well done for dodging this needy manipulator and standing firm for so long. My sympathy to the next poor woman who's now got him - hope she sends him on his way soon. Wonder if his mum's now changed her locks?... 🌹

Daleksatemyshed · 10/06/2023 20:01

Well spotted Op! Congratulations on not falling for his bullshit

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/06/2023 20:08

Yes you definitely dodged a bullet there!

pinkfondu · 10/06/2023 20:22

Well done you, you should feel proud x

Tereseta · 10/06/2023 20:26

🍾🥳 well done! Well dodged OP, just feel a bit for the new victim!

PimpMyFridge · 10/06/2023 20:30

Thrilled for you!
Thank goodness you stood your ground. New female on the other hand will be in the 'act in haste, repent at leisure' camp. 😬

Denise82 · 10/06/2023 20:33

You definitely side stepped that land mine! You are definitely better off without him, good luck op

TUCKINGFYP0 · 10/06/2023 20:33

What @frozendaisy said, well done for trusting your own judgement.

Bananalanacake · 10/06/2023 20:34

This is what I said on a thread earlier today,,,

'I've never understood the desperation to live together. I've lived with one of my DPs and that's because we have DC together. All my other BFs I've been honest about not wanting to live together, they were fine about it, if any of them weren't happy I'd have dumped them. You can enjoy a date, meal, sex whatever then say 'bye, see you next week'. No snoring, farting man stinking out the toilet with shit and helping himself to your food'.

The thread was about people who are happy not to live with their DP (sorry I don't know how to link) If more women refused to let a man move in cocklodgers would die out, it's a good way to weed out cocklodgers, if they dump you when they can't move in they will find someone else and you will know that they were only out to use you.
I'd be interested to know how long it lasts with the new GF and if he pays his way at all.

Original poster
Cassidyscircus · 10/06/2023 20:50

@Bananalanacake I could not agree with you more. I only moved in with my ex husband because it seemed like 'the right thing to do' at the ripe old age of 24.

I suppose with these cocklodgers I'm just so suspicious of where their finances are? that they have full time jobs but don't seem to save or spend a dime on the real adult stuff.

I don't have any anger towards the OW at all, just pity that either she's believed a load of nonsense or perhaps she is lonely with low self esteem.

For me, I think I will have a big glass of wine and look at some cool city breaks to try solo 🥳

OP posts:
2bazookas · 10/06/2023 20:54

Your gut told you to end it, now you know your gut was absolutely right.

Narrow escape!

YukoandHiro · 10/06/2023 20:57

Well done OP. You should be so proud of yourself for setting clear boundaries and then knowing when all the red flags couldn't be ignored anymore and taking a decisive step.

I can imagine it's a huge relief! Enjoy your freedom and independence

FrankieStar · 10/06/2023 21:01

Bravo OP, I agree with the PP who said to dance in your kitchen!

I've heard women say that (a lot of) men can not possibly be on their own and tend to go from one woman straight to the next, and the older I get, the more I think they're onto something. Perhaps this ties in with the neediness he was exhibiting.

Enjoy your freedom 😃

myfanwybygaslight · 10/06/2023 21:03

Definitely dodged a bullet. I was blocked by a friend when I said that no man falls in love faster than one who is or is about to be homeless. I wasn't actually talking about him, but apparently he took offense - he moved in with new girlfriend who has her own house after two weeks, just as his marriage which had been on the rocks for ages bit the dust completely. I think I struck a nerve!

ChristmasFluff · 11/06/2023 09:22

Another really well done to you!!

And I bet his mother was sick of him and gave him a date to get out. No-one falls in love faster than a soon-to-be-homeless man.

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