Are you or have you ever been in a relationship where you haven't ever lived together and remained relatively independent?

[Welshandsco]

Because I think I'm more suited to these type of relationships and feel happier when I have my own space also. I've only had a couple of relationships but never lived with them and felt claustrophobic when we spent too much time together. Maybe I'm not suited to relationships, but I'd be interested to hear from others like this and did you have to explain to a partner that this is what you wanted?

Only when I was under 25 and living together deemed like a really huge deal.
I think as long as you're clear from the outset there are plenty of other people not looking for more than that

You don't have to live together unless you are married to them

Wish I was! The moodiness is quite unbelievable.

I’ve been with my partner for 3 years. We don’t live together and have no plans to. I’m widowed with two teenage kids, he has no children. We both love and value our own space and although my kids really like him, it would change the dynamic if he moved in. We are totally committed to each other, in it for life, make future plans, holiday together etc. It works brilliantly for us.

Is this a rule? Surely people can do whatever works for them, married or not?

My first long term relationship in my early 20s it didn't really come up. The next two however involved moving in together - the second was the start of my long term marriage

I've got used to living on my own now with my place organised to suit me and I think I'd be happy to be in a long term relationship that didn't involve living together

Did I state there was a rule, it's my opinion fs

I'm 10 year into a 'together apart' (bleurgh) relationship.

Started out when we were both going through long amd drawn out divorces, 3 kids between us so living together not on the cards. There have been times when I feel really sad and lonely going to bed by myself most nights. But kids are getting older and moving out soon, hopefully. Whether we move in together formally after that or not I'm not sure.

I was with xDP for 6 years. Didn’t live together. We were really happy (or I thought we were, long story!).

I didn’t live with my current DP for the first 5 years, then we sort of moved into each others places at first, then sold one. I loved having separate places.

You don’t have to live with them even if you are married.

My (now) husband and I lived apart for several years before we married, and then for twenty years afterwards. No joint kids. It suited us.

We’ve been living together for six years now, and while it took a fair bit of adjustment and compromise, we’re still happily married.

Yes. I did. 15 years 2 children and I would highly recommend it. We're still friends now and it ended because he had an affair. I've always been very independent and I know now I could never live with anyone. Made things much easier when we split as no assets to split. I own my house and our sons just went to visit his house more than they had done previously. In fact our son who was 13 at the time told a friend there was very little difference just that 'Dad' spent less time at my house.

I couldn't ever be reliant on anyone and I like my own space. I look at my parents who've been married for 60 years and it's not positive. My mother seems to hate and resent my Dad and never misses an opportunity to criticise him or say a put down. She is however incapable of doing anything for herself apart from cooking and cleaning and now my Dad is nearly 90 he's less able to do a lot of the things he used to do for her (she won't even use the phone to make her own appointments). It really doesn't give me a positive view of couples who live together. So many any know have to make compromises so no one is really happy and they just tolerate each other for fear of being alone.

You don’t have to live with them even then! DH and I spent quite a long period living in different countries.

Yes. Been with my dp 16 years this year and we live apart. We work together ( self employed) so spend a lot of time together but like our own space. There are other reasons but for us it works .

That's precisely what I need.
I never have lived with a partner and don't particularly want to.

Unless we have separate bedrooms and maybe our own wings.

A girl can only dream.

I've never understood the desperation to live together. I've lived with one of my DPs and that's because we have DC together. All my other BFs I've been honest about not wanting to live together, they were fine about it, if any of them weren't happy I'd have dumped them. You can enjoy a date, meal, sex whatever then say 'bye, see you next week'. No snoring, farting man stinking out the toilet with shit and helping himself to your food.

I can highly recommend it if it is feasible. My partner and I have been together for over twenty years and we have never lived together. We spend time in each other's houses but have no intention of setting up home together. I met him in my forties so I am now getting on a bit, and he is ten years older. No kids, no previous marriages, blissfully happy.

Like OP some people are just not made for living with another full time. If it's good enough for Charles and Camilla, it is bloody good enough for us!

I think our relationship has lasted this long precisely because we don't share a home. But each to their own, others may not understand how or why it works, or if we actually love each other etc. I often think there is a bit of green eye involved in such observations!

Yep. Been with my DP for ten years now. When we first got together it was an LTR because I was staying here for the kids and their relationship with their dad, and he was in an established job.

Ten years on I have a job and logistically can’t afford to move. He actually hates his job but he’s been in it for 25 years now so understandably changing jobs at this point is Farr too daunting a prospect. He talks the talk but hasn’t actually done anything about it and i don’t think he ever will.

But it still works, He comes here at weekends and we’re apart during the week. he rents so actually would be cheaper if we moved in together but just not possible so it is what it is. And ten years on I’m not sure how it would be now given we’re so used to our own space.

Only thing is that he has a social life where he lives and works and I don’t partly due to my working hours, and as such we don’t have any joint frends.

Where I live living together is part of the vows of the civil marriage and in many countries leaving the marital home is grounds for divorce.

I'm right with you but the last sentence works the other way around as well - say..

No PMT afflicted / menopausal woman nagging you constantly about minor chores or querying why you need to go to the pub with your mates

I've been with my DP 11 years now and we don't live together. We do spend a few nights a week together and have holidays together.
We are very committed to each other but living apart suits us both.
I like my bit of independence and enjoy sleeping alone a few nights a week, (he's a terrible snorer).
Maybe when we're older and find the backwards and forwards thing getting too much, we probably will live together, but as it stands at the moment , we're both very happy with the arrangement.

It can work OP

This is my ideal. I'm going through a divorce - we lived together for 7 years & I never want to live with a man again. I'm early 40s and spent most of my adult life as a parent but not living with anyone/single. I have no desire to share a house again but would love a committed relationship. Also have two kids & never want to blend families again- and experience.

Might I add... I don't think we'd still be together if we lived together.

Yes me, 20 years this year. Best relationship I've ever had. Both got own places about 20 miles apart. He still works, I don't early retirement. Go on holiday together, spend every weekend together. My married friends wish it was them.

Just came out of a 2yr relationship. Both had kids separately but i was the NRP for mine, she was RP for hers. I used to see her during the week, sleep at hers often and spent all childfree weekends with her.

Seemed to work quite well.

I haven't lived with a boyfriend since my marriage ended many years ago. I much prefer it. I've got my own space just for me, my own big bed, my lovely bathroom etc. It's great to have somewhere I can close the door and be completely by myself with no expectations. If I want to lie around watching true crime documentaries in my pants, leave the washing up, or eat crisps for dinner, I can.

Financially it's more expensive, but that's worth never being stuck in a relationship due to finances. I need two of some things, like hairdryers. And I have to cart around overnight bags a lot. But that's not a massive issue.

I couldn't give up my independence.