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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Baby dad on lads holiday threats for court

48 replies

Babygirlmum · 09/06/2023 16:47

My ex has been threading me with court for weeks over DD I've just come across that he's on a lads holiday, what's peoples opinions, at such a time this is a big deal to me and I don't know what to think regarding court I feel he doesn't actually care less what's his game, he's put me through hell and back.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 09/06/2023 16:48

I think the fact that this man is on a lads holiday is neither here nor there.

What's he threatening you with court over? Custody? Is he on the birth certificate?

TeaKitten · 09/06/2023 16:49

Why shouldn’t he be on a lads holiday?

Comedycook · 09/06/2023 16:52

Go to court for what? Custody?

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 09/06/2023 16:54

To see her consistency, I have never stopped him from seeing her, he walked out before she was born and didn't want to be her dad, he's a tricky human.

OP posts:
Stratocumulus · 09/06/2023 16:54

I’m guessing you mean “threatening” you with court? Not “threading?”

Court is one thing. A lads’ holiday is another. Assuming you live separately his lads’ holiday isn’t impacting a court case. If so, how?

His game is a control/manipulative game. Distance yourself from him. Shut down thinking about him and his games. It might come to nothing but if it does, deal with it step by step. Maybe seek legal advice.
Meanwhile, and I don’t mean this harshly, but what he gets up to, I hesitate to say, is none of your business unless his activities directly affect yours or babe’s welfare.
I hope if all works out.

SisSuffragette · 09/06/2023 16:55

He's entitled to a holiday

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 09/06/2023 16:59

He manipulates everything I do, not once have I said it's a bad thing I have asked for opinions of others, I take the court case has been giving the back burner then? I'm concerned about this court case meanwhile he's living it up on a holiday that is all.

OP posts:
NeverThatSerious · 09/06/2023 17:00

He sounds like a dick but I have to say, it’s completely irrelevant that he’s on holiday.

toddlermom99 · 09/06/2023 17:01

I'm confused to what the question/issue is. Obviously if he's inconsistent, threatening you with court etc he's probably not even going to follow it through. But he can definitely still go on a lads holiday - this will have no affect on the court case, unless he was missing meditation/court hearings because of it - but doesn't seem like this has started yet? Even if he was seeing the child consistently, going on a holiday as a parent shouldn't be an issue

Bearpawk · 09/06/2023 17:03

Why shouldn't he be allowed to go on holiday? That's neither here nor there.

Naunet · 09/06/2023 17:07

So he’s threatening you with court for regular contact? Do you not offer him regular contact already?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 09/06/2023 17:09

Not sure what him being on holiday has to do with anything?

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 09/06/2023 17:11

Yes I allow him to see her however his mum has gotten involved and all of a sudden he wants to take me to court, I also wouldn't allow over night stays just yet as he needs a strong bond with her before this as they are still strangers to her, he has seen her a handful of time and she is now one, he's been a total disaster.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 09/06/2023 17:11

Babygirlmum · 09/06/2023 16:59

He manipulates everything I do, not once have I said it's a bad thing I have asked for opinions of others, I take the court case has been giving the back burner then? I'm concerned about this court case meanwhile he's living it up on a holiday that is all.

From what you've said about this man so far, he enjoys lording it over you. And i think hes not a bit interested in his child either.

My advice is to block him on everything and move if possible. If moving is not possible and he turns up at your door, tell him youll only communicate via a solicitor.

Don't get drawn into it, concentrate on your child.

I would be seriously shocked if he ever did anything to try to arrange contact. He sounds like a waste of space

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 09/06/2023 17:12

You mentioned the holiday because you are pissed off with him, I get that.
Why don't you arrange a mediator. If you can arrange something sensible set in writing between you then there will be no need for court.

Dacadactyl · 09/06/2023 17:13

And don't ever sleep with him again. Also, I would bet good money there never will be a court case, so stop panicking about it.

Dacadactyl · 09/06/2023 17:14

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 09/06/2023 17:12

You mentioned the holiday because you are pissed off with him, I get that.
Why don't you arrange a mediator. If you can arrange something sensible set in writing between you then there will be no need for court.

He should be the one arranging a mediator.

titchy · 09/06/2023 17:15

If I remember OP's other thread he did arrange mediation and she's refused it - which was a mistake. Apologies if I am confusing with someone else.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/06/2023 17:17

Mediation is not recommended if the other party is abusive and/or manipulative.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 09/06/2023 17:18

Whatever, someone needs to arrange a mediator. It should be him ideally, but as long as someone does it stops it going to court.

trampoline123 · 09/06/2023 17:19

What's him being on holiday got to do with anything?

Maddy70 · 09/06/2023 17:20

He's allowed to go on holiday. That has nothing to do with anything else

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 09/06/2023 17:24

Yes he is allowed a holiday, can never ask about DDs progress, if she's walking yet how she's getting on, absolutely anything, he's not good.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 09/06/2023 17:24

Tell him to come see her today

LIZS · 09/06/2023 17:26

Surely two separate issues? Is he on the birth certificate, does he pay via cms? A formal agreement maybe better in the long term

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