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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I will see him less

34 replies

Scenuc · 09/06/2023 15:25

My boyfriend has had to go part time at work while he recovers from an injury. This means his shift now falls on weekends. He is on his feet all day but his leg is in agony as he needs to get further treatment. I work in the week and now he is working at weekends. We are long distance but I will see him less and probably only in the evening mid week.

He is sticking around as his employer has confirmed they are being taken over in 2 years so there might be redundancies but there might not. He has worked there since 2003 and is set in his ways so I can't see him leaving and going elsewhere even though it would benefit him in the long run. There are bullies there who have said he is making up his ill health and his work life balance is worse now. How can I keep the relationship going if we will see each other less?

OP posts:
Rightiothen13 · 09/06/2023 15:54

Presumably he will recover?

evenings

Rightiothen13 · 09/06/2023 15:55

What’s “long distance”?

Scenuc · 09/06/2023 16:44

Rightiothen13 · 09/06/2023 15:55

What’s “long distance”?

25 miles which is a 36 minute drive.

OP posts:
ForestLilac · 09/06/2023 16:45

Scenuc · 09/06/2023 16:44

25 miles which is a 36 minute drive.

That’s not long distance 😂

Scenuc · 09/06/2023 17:11

ForestLilac · 09/06/2023 16:45

That’s not long distance 😂

It is not up the road either! I have had to drive to him while he has been injured.

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 09/06/2023 17:14

OP if you are keen to keep seeing him then only you can decide if it's worth driving the 36 minutes a couple of evenings a week to visit him.

BranchGold · 09/06/2023 17:18

How long have you been together? What are your plans for the future?

Stratocumulus · 09/06/2023 17:18

Crumbs! Not wishing to diminish the matter but it’s not really long distance!
Someone I know has been with her chap for over ten years. They were 2.5 hours apart, but are recently now 1.5 hours apart due to a relocation.
They’ve made it work because for now circumstances dictate they can’t live together.
Hopefully you’d predicament won’t last forever so go with the flow and if your relationship is strong, you will get through this.

Chasingadvice · 09/06/2023 17:20

Long distance Grin

ThatFraggle · 09/06/2023 17:25

Long distance Grin

That's a very ordinary daily commute distance. Just say you live half an hour away from each other.

Long distance means being unable to see each other for weeks/months/years.

Rightiothen13 · 09/06/2023 17:26

Scenuc · 09/06/2023 16:44

25 miles which is a 36 minute drive.

I knew it 😂

Rightiothen13 · 09/06/2023 17:26

Scenuc · 09/06/2023 17:11

It is not up the road either! I have had to drive to him while he has been injured.

Sounds like the love match of the century!

CaloundraBlues · 09/06/2023 17:28

Bloody hell that's not long distance, my partner is over 11,000 miles away!

ForestLilac · 09/06/2023 17:32

Scenuc · 09/06/2023 17:11

It is not up the road either! I have had to drive to him while he has been injured.

Well how were you going to see him before? Driving for 36 minutes I guess?

MrsMoastyToasty · 09/06/2023 17:37

Why doesn't he get a sicknote so that he can prove that he's not faking his injury and its recovery?

MermaidEyes · 09/06/2023 18:08

Many people manage to keep up relationships when they hardly see each other at all. It's not hard if you have things like FaceTime or Skype. Plus you're not actually that far away. It almost sounds like you think it's a bit of a hassle.

Scenuc · 09/06/2023 21:01

MrsMoastyToasty · 09/06/2023 17:37

Why doesn't he get a sicknote so that he can prove that he's not faking his injury and its recovery?

He was off work for 3 months but they put the pressure on and asked him to return earlier even though he hasn't recovered.

OP posts:
Shesheadingonin · 09/06/2023 21:19

I’ve been with my man for 20 months and we live 2 hrs apart. He works weekends and evenings and I work midweek. We make it work by video calling and staying connected daily. We see each other every 2 weeks (around the kids). It’s something we have gotten used to and has kept our relationship fresh. Yours is temporary. Just stay connected daily.

OutdoorPillow · 09/06/2023 21:23

Long distance!

My now-boyfriend used to fly to each other on alternate weekends. Literally drive to airport from work, go to see him, get back late Sunday night. Then he’d do the same the following week.

Honestly, if traveling 36 precise minutes to see him, he’s clearly not the love of your life.

FiddleLeaf · 09/06/2023 21:34

Oh come on, it’s not long distance (it’s less than my commute) and he’s a grown up & can deal with his work issues. He’s decided to stay so accept that & say what the real problem is.

Littlefish · 09/06/2023 21:36

I used to drive further than that every day for work! Wink

Lonelylonelylonely · 09/06/2023 21:40

If that's long distance, what would you consider local? Nothing more or less than a 5 minute walk away?

I'm 35 miles away from my partner and don't consider it "long distance". His commute to work is longer!

If he's injured and having trouble day-to-day why wouldn't you offer to have him stay with you for the time it takes for him to recover? It's hardly moving in together to just pool resources whilst he needs some recovery time.

Isn't that what couples who don't live together do if one or other needs a little more support? I'd expect that in a non-living together arrangement

Hotpinkangel19 · 09/06/2023 22:04

Sorry, that's not long distance 😂😂

AllOfThemWitches · 09/06/2023 22:17

It takes me about that to get to my boyfriend's place and we live in the same small city.

WhiteChocMocha · 09/06/2023 22:44

Distance and acceptable travel time are different to everyone, what's a daily commute in a big city might be considered quite an effort elsewhere.

Driving 'in the wrong direction' after a long day at work, then coming back and having to be in at 6am (like some people are) doesn't work for everybody. Not everyone has the kind of jobs where you have plenty of energy after your day, and not everyone works 9-5.

Anyway. You'll just have to make the most of it. It's summer so hopefully you both get leave, spend those days together, book the odd half day, he can book a bit of time off... It'll be less but it's not always a bad thing, can be quite sweet if you do something special on those days.

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