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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I will see him less

34 replies

Scenuc · 09/06/2023 15:25

My boyfriend has had to go part time at work while he recovers from an injury. This means his shift now falls on weekends. He is on his feet all day but his leg is in agony as he needs to get further treatment. I work in the week and now he is working at weekends. We are long distance but I will see him less and probably only in the evening mid week.

He is sticking around as his employer has confirmed they are being taken over in 2 years so there might be redundancies but there might not. He has worked there since 2003 and is set in his ways so I can't see him leaving and going elsewhere even though it would benefit him in the long run. There are bullies there who have said he is making up his ill health and his work life balance is worse now. How can I keep the relationship going if we will see each other less?

OP posts:
Christmascracker0 · 09/06/2023 22:45

36 minutes is not long - it takes me about that to get to my nearest supermarket!

ForestLilac · 10/06/2023 01:46

WhiteChocMocha · 09/06/2023 22:44

Distance and acceptable travel time are different to everyone, what's a daily commute in a big city might be considered quite an effort elsewhere.

Driving 'in the wrong direction' after a long day at work, then coming back and having to be in at 6am (like some people are) doesn't work for everybody. Not everyone has the kind of jobs where you have plenty of energy after your day, and not everyone works 9-5.

Anyway. You'll just have to make the most of it. It's summer so hopefully you both get leave, spend those days together, book the odd half day, he can book a bit of time off... It'll be less but it's not always a bad thing, can be quite sweet if you do something special on those days.

Well yes but OP specifically they were long distance. That is what people are querying. She or he might find 36 minutes driving time too much, but it still doesn’t make it ‘long distance’.

Ruthietuthie · 10/06/2023 01:52

I lived 2000 miles away from my husband and flew to see him once a month (or visa versa) for four whole years. "Long distance" isn't the issue here. What are your plans for being nearer together in the future?

Original poster
Scenuc · 10/06/2023 02:13

Ruthietuthie · 10/06/2023 01:52

I lived 2000 miles away from my husband and flew to see him once a month (or visa versa) for four whole years. "Long distance" isn't the issue here. What are your plans for being nearer together in the future?

I think the real issue is he lacks ambition. He could resolve his health issue as I have offered to pay for an osteopath but he refuses to go. He won't look or apply for jobs elsewhere. Now, he is part time he is on less money and I will see him even less. I don't want his money as I pay when we go out and he pays too. So I am expected to put up with all of this and not see him much too.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 10/06/2023 02:17

I am calling this one, I can't be the only one?

aboutbloodytime123 · 10/06/2023 12:16

I don't think the distance is the issue here, you just sound like you're not all that into him. He's injured, he's being bullied and he now has to work weekends and you're asking if you have to put up with it!

teadi · 10/06/2023 12:29

I drive further to work every day. My DH is around 30/35 mins away and we don't give a 2nd thought to driving to see each othe

teadi · 10/06/2023 12:30

Sorry pressed send too soon. My dh's work is a 30-35 min commute and we drive to meet each other for lunch on our days off as we work opposite shifts and it's one of our only chances to spend time together dc free

MaudGonneOutForChips · 10/06/2023 12:34

Scenuc · 10/06/2023 02:13

I think the real issue is he lacks ambition. He could resolve his health issue as I have offered to pay for an osteopath but he refuses to go. He won't look or apply for jobs elsewhere. Now, he is part time he is on less money and I will see him even less. I don't want his money as I pay when we go out and he pays too. So I am expected to put up with all of this and not see him much too.

Show quote history

So he’s unambitious, passive and lazy, and you’re not that into him, and resent having to drive 25 miles to see him, but you’re still upset you’ll be seeing him less? Why not just ditch him and find someone better?

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