DH friend kissed me on mouth (again). Told him not to - now *I* feel bad

[cabbageandgravy]

Ugh this is so awkward, I probably just need to vent. Very old friend of DH, they also work together. DH enjoys spending time and working with him, and he gets DH interesting work, too.

And I don't mind him (think he's a bit boring but that's not a crime!) except - he had this awful 70s and 80s throwback habit of kissing me (and , I think, other women he knows) on the mouth when he greets us. I thought hooray after the pandemic, that will put a stop to it. And it seemed to have - but today, he came round, and - straight for the mouth. Not enough warning to flinch away.

I realised I needed to don the big girl pants so I said to him "DH friend do you always kiss DH on the mouth when you greet him?" and he mumbled about a hug and had he really kissed me on the mouth and he hadn't intended to and... so I just cut him off with "just don't do it".

DH overheard but wasn't in the room.

Now they are right outside the door working on a boys' project and I just feel shit. It's so AWKWARD. I know I won't relax till he's gone and he's gonna be here all morning 😥. I just want some nice brisk replies about female socialisation to help me feel a bit more objective about this, and not just want to snivel. I'm 65 ffs and NOT A WUSS! But here I am feeling bad for standing up for myself...

Talk to me objectively!

Good for you OP! Totally know what you mean about the adrenaline and questioning whether you did the right thing in the immediate aftermath, but you did!

I've experienced this too except it was my now husband's female friend (a bit woowoo) who loved to kiss everyone (men and women) on the lips. First time I saw her do it to DP I was a bit taken aback. When she did it to me I was gobsmacked 😂 thankfully told DP I didn't like it (with me or him!) and he saw my point and it doesn't happen anymore. Not sure if she does it with anyone else anymore.

That's so weird OP. It's strange that your husband is ok with it too. A lot of men wouldn't like one fo their mates doing that. It shouldn't have gone on for this long.

Can I ask - why on earth was this left to you to sort out? Did you ever tell your husband this made you feel uncomfortable?

A woman in our social circle always used to kiss DH on the lips, then one day she reached out and held his hand. He has never recovered from the bollocking I gave him. She is no longer in our social circle.

You feel awful for standing up for yourself ? You shouldn't. Absolutely not acceptable. Ugh some men.

I guess to be fair to DH I didn't tell him till recently that I didn't like it - I do exchange cheek kisses with people I am fond of so he probably didn't notice much different. As I said upthread, I think I only told DH how icky I found it in the context of "well one good thing about covid is its put a stop to friend kissing me on the mouth..."

I actually think its fine for me to have said something myself. I do know friend quite well too, and while I could have briefed DH to say something, and I am pretty sure he would have (we'll never know for sure, but he has dealt with a boundary issue with MiL before, at my request) I was annoyed enough just to deal with it there and then. And have had a lovely relaxed weekend now 😎😎